When I last saw my doctor she said that my white count was still elevated (from that mystery condition that sent me to the ER) and she wanted me to get a follow-up blood test this week.
I decided I would go today because Kaiser has just started giving flu shots and I figured I could kill two birds with one stone.
I got there around 11:30 or so and got the blood test fine, but they weren't going to start giving shots until 1:45 and that was just too long to wait.
Trying to kill some time, I went to McDonald's for lunch but that only killed about 10 minutes, so decided to come back next week for the flu shot.
We leave in the morning for Santa Barbara and whenever Ashley and her husband are going to move in to take care of the dogs, I always go shopping for treats. This is because she once told me our house was the worst place she dog sat for junk food. So I always stock up for her (gleefully, because it means I can snack a bit too!)
I bought both goodies for Ashley and David, but also a replenishment of the nuts I try to keep in my mother's treat bowl. This serves two purposes. If she isn't hungry or doesn't eat, at least she has something moderately nutritious to snack on. And when the treat bowl is empty it ends up in the bathroom with Marge's toothbrush in it. Marge likes to go "shopping" (her daughter calls it) in other people's apartments. By keeping the bowl full of nuts, she isn't tempted to "shop" for the bowl.
I drove to Atria from the store, but there was no parking to be had anywhere, so I came back home and tried again in an hour and a half. This time there was parking.
When I got to her apartment, she was in bed and seemed to be sound asleep. I poured nuts into the bowl and then sat down for a bit to read and see if she woke up. She woke up, actually, with a start, sat up and couldn't find me when I told her hello (she couldn't figure out she should look behind her).
It was one of her bad days. I have seen her more agitated, so it wasn't as bad as it could be, but she said all of her insides were shaking, she didn't want to leave the apartment because she was afraid she'd do something wrong, and things just kept spinning around and around in her head. (She's been saying this, off and on, for years, so it was nothing new.)
She said people would tell her to do one thing and then someone else would tell her to do something else and she didn't know what to do at all. Well, of course, nobody was telling her to do anything, but in her head they were.
She finally decided what she had to do was to sit and be quiet and see if she could get the shaking to stop.
I tried to get her to try some deep breathing, but didn't really think that would work. She was able to follow the direction to take a long slow breath in and relax but she said that when she took the deep breath all the things whirling around in her head got worse.
I didn't want to leave her, but couldn't do anything to help her. She finally decided that maybe if she got into bed and slept things would be better. As it was after 4:30, I decided I would leave and let the aids know to check on her.
When I kissed her goodbye she asked when I would be back. I didn't think she could handle "in 6 days" so I told her "a couple of days" and she got this look of panic on her face and asked what she was going to do without me. Just the guilt I needed.
I talked with one of the aids and then I sent an e-mail to Jen, the head of the memory care unit, to let her know how things were, that I would be gone for 6 days, that Ned would stop by to see her, and if need be, they could call my cell phone and I could be home in about 9 hours.
I'm hoping they won't need to call me. And I can't even call HER because if she's still agitated, I don't want to make it worse.
Dammit.
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