'Tain't a Fit Night Out

It was a dark and stormy night, but we pressed on.  It was Walt's birthday and I was taking him to a steak house for dinner.  I had to practically wade from the car to the sidewalk, the water was so deep.  But I got there, and we realized we had been there before.

As we were shown to our table, I realized we had been here a couple of years ago on MY birthday, only then it was a restaurant where they set your food on fire at your table.  In fact, we were seated at the exact same table we had the last time.

While we waited for our food, Walt checked his incoming birthday messages.

I had hoped to have prime rib, but it is only available on Friday and Saturday, so we both had a rib eye steak (which several web sites tell me is "the" best cut of beef").  Walt had his with garlic fries; I had mine with onion rings

It was a bit too much for me, so I brought home half of it, while Walt ate every last bit of it.

And since it was a gala occasion, we each had a delicious pistachio creme brulee for dessert.

The rain had not let up when we finished dinner, but we sloshed on home to watch the recording of tonight's Jeopardy.  Walt had his lemon balm tea and went to bed, as any good 79 year old should do.

I had a text message from Atria that my mother hit a staff member tonight.  That isn't going to help our meeting with the director tomorrow, I fear.  Dammit.

In Vino Somnus

I was reminded last night why I no longer drink.

A friend and I went to a movie and then out to dinner at a lovely Italian restaurant.  We decided to have glass of wine.  One glass of pinot grigio.  We shared a salad and a pizza.  She had 2 pieces of pizza, I had one.

I came home, it was a little before 9.  Walt had the rest of the pizza and I settled in to watch Rizzoli and Isles and was sound asleep in 10 minutes, if that long.  The reason I don't drink is that if I have anything alcoholic at night, it puts me to sleep.  There is too much I like to get done at night to waste that time sleeping.

What's more, it wasn't a sound sleep.  I slept in 2-3 hour increments all night long.  I woke up first at 11 p.m. and was going to write my journal entry, but Walt was using my computer, which was just as well.  I went to the couch and went back to sleep.  At midnight I was wide awake.  I thought of writing this then, but decided I really needed to go back to sleep.  I did, after putting on Rizzoli and Isles again,  I made it further into the show, but only because I fast forwarded to the point I last remembered.  Then I was awake again sometime between 2 and 3, then around 5 and finally at quarter to 6, when I gave up and just got up.

I don't blame the wine for more than the first bit of sleep, but it did remind me of why I usually have water with meals, even though I read yesterday that a glass of red wine a day is as good for you as an hour at the gym.

Lisa, with whom I worked in those golden days at Women's Health Associates, and I went to see Still Alice.  She has a mother-in-law who has been at Atria for 3 years, my mother has been there nearly 2.  Her mother-in-law apparently is not having memory problems, but we both wanted to see this movie about Alzheimer's.

The movie is very slow moving, but given the subject matter, it could hardly be otherwise.  It is a quiet movie, watching a woman trying to hang on to memory as it slips away from her.  I thought it would be depressing, but in truth it was oddly comforting.  Watching the slow progression of Alzheimer's, as it eats away Alice's brain, I could be comforted that this is not what my mother has.  Other than the continuing, worsening memory loss, she has none of the other problems, which is a good thing.

Though he finally got his birthday present... 

A reclining folding camp chair

 ...Walt had a bad day.  His laptop computer died.  This is the one he uses for everything, as his desktop is slow, clunky, and connects to the internet via dial up.  He is going to call my guru this morning.  

I went to Atria to pick up laundry.  I had to make two trips there because the first time there was no parking to be had for love or money, so I went to deposit a check and then when I came back, my parking angel was awake and there was one parking place, right across from the door to Atria, which was perfect.

By the time I finished my visit with my mother and got home, it was nearly time to get downtown to meet Lisa.

I just love this lady.  I think, if I remember correctly, that she was my primary care provider when I was working for Women's Health.  We had such a nice visit, reminiscing about the good days at Women's Health and the people we both love and miss (we must find a way to get together with Lynn, who lives in Ventura).

We eventually got into the world situation, the health problems world-wide (she and her dentist husband go to Guatemala each year to do health care), the critical water problem in so may places in the world, the depressing nature of the news every night.  We each bemoaned the inability of one person to do great things, though each of us, in our own way are doing little things. But it never seems enough.

We also talked about the movie, about Alzheimer's, and about the fascinating nature of the brain and how interesting it would be if we weren't right in the middle of dealing with mental decline.  I'm convinced, given family history, that I will eventually become my mother.  Lisa is worried that she shows signs of early Alzheimer's.  But I suspect this is the reaction any of us seeing that movie would feel afterwards, beginning to examine every little memory loss and wondering "is this it?"

But all in all, it was a lovely afternoon and evening.  And I enjoyed the wine, even if I lost the rest of the evening because of it!

Uh...Happy Birthday, Walt

With all the shows to review this weekend (we finally got Caesar killed last night, which involved mopping the stage between Acts 1 and 2), Walt's birthday pretty much got ignored.  I told him that we would pretend his birthday was March 1, when we could go out to brunch with Ned and Marta.

"My treat," I told them, fully intending to put the meal on "my" credit card, which is separate from "our" credit card.

We met Ned and Marta at their house and were amused to see Bouncer, the dog, munching on a Mr. Bill doll.  I had bought a Mr. Bill doll for her several Christmases ago and I knew that at some point it had to be replaced after being loved so much.

What I didn't realize is how often it had to be replaced.  Ned had saved them all.

Bouncer doesn't seem to have interest in most of them any more, just the one that is her current favorite, but did consent to pose with the lot.

Ned and Marta suggested we go to Orphan Breakfast House, a little neighborhood restaurant (maximum seating inside: 24).  The name "orphan" apparently has nothing to do with children without parents, but refers, rather, from the term "orphan business," which is an independent business not part of a chain (no Denny's this place!)

Apparently parking is tricky around there, but Ned was able to find a place all right.

We had a bit of a wait for a table, and there were crowds waiting outside. The wait was worth it.  Our huge mug of coffee was excellent and we each ordered something different.  I had something called "avocado scramble," Walt had an "artichoke scramble," Marta had an egg dish with cream cheese over Orphan's famous rosemary bread, and Ned had French toast. His was the most photogenic of the lot....

...but I had no complaints about my breakfast, which was delicious, if not exactly photogenic.

Unfortunately, when we were looking at the menu, Ned happened to notice that it said "cash only" at the top of the page.  Gleep.

The restaurant makes it easy for unprepared neophytes like me to get cash, with a no-fee ATM machine.  But there were two problems:  (1) I don't have an ATM card to my credit union account, and (2) I didn't have nearly enough cash in my checking account, after just paying off my Visa card, to get that much cash.  So, reluctantly, I had to pay for the meal from our joint account.  Happy birthday, Walt.  I hope you enjoyed the meal you had to pay for!  Fortunately it was really delicious.

God was on my side, though.  Remember how yesterday, complaining about all the murders we'd seen in the last three days, I said I needed a musical...something like Music Man or something.  We came home, I turned on the TV and what was on AMC?  The Music Man. 

I feel so much better now that 76 trombones have marched through our family room.

So Today It Started

This was the first official day of the "find new housing for Mom" project.  Her stepson, Ed, and I met at the house for lunch and to start the conversation.  It was a surprise to see the nice lunch she fixed, since she seems to have stopped fixing lunches for me.  But give her a man to wait on and she becomes all coquettish again.  

This is one of the HUGE benefits that I think is going to go along with moving her to somewhere more communal.  Here world has shrunk so much in the last 3 years, with the increasing pain in her back.  She sometimes takes a walk around the lagoon near her house, but I think she must spend the day sitting in a chair.   Ed visits her, I visit her, a couple of other people visit her on a regular basis, but most of her time is spent alone.  And she is always at her best in social situations, particularly when there is a man to talk to -- be it a friend her own age, her stepson, or her grandson.  She just turns on the charm for a man...and generally speaking, after she has spent time talking to and waiting on a man, her memory is usually better for the rest of the day.

If we move her to a place where she will have the chance to interact with other people more frequently, see men around her, find new friends to play mah jong or cards with, I can only think that her memory loss is going to slow down.  I know it will continue, but I really feel that being in a social environment is going to help.

So over lunch, we talked about what needed to be done.  Ed said that we first need to assess her finances so we know how much we can afford.  It turns out, I discovered that she has somewhat less than she told me she had, but it should still be adequate to see her comfortably settled for several years, unless she decides to break the longevity record in this country.  There will also be income coming from the sale of her house, which will ease any financial concerns for a long time.

The second is more difficult, that being how to put together a list of recommended places to tour.  We figure we can schedule tours around lunch time so we can get a free lunch in the bargain!  We know the first place where we are going to start, where Ed's grandmother lived the last several years of her life.  Because of her memories of visiting the old women every few days, my mother thinks she probably would not like to live there, but it would give us a "practice tour" and get a feel for how much money places in Marin County are charging.

I felt we had a productive meeting and will meet with Ed again after we have visited a few places.

He left and I stayed and she collapsed in her chair and started the script we follow every time I come to visit her.  "Oh god how am I going to get rid of all this crap?"  I really wanted to leave immediately.  I am so tired of the "all this crap" conversations.   I made my usual reply that she would leave it all behind when she moves and Ed and I will take care of getting rid of it.  Then she looks across the room at her refrigerator, which has a few magnets on it.  "Just for example, LOOK at that refrigerator.  How am I going to get rid of all that crap?" 

I was astonished.  I finally said, "if that bothers you that much, I can clean it up in a minute.  I'll just remove everything and the refrigerator door will be clean again."

"Well, what will you do with it all?" she asked

"I'll throw it away, of course," I answered.

"Oh, I don't want you to do that," she replied, saying that maybe somebody would want it and they should have a chance to ask for it.   Magnets.  Refrigeator magnets that are driving her crazy because it's "all that crap" but she won't let me throw them away because she really wants to give them to someone.  Sigh.

I did leave early.  She was looking through papers and there didn't seem to be room for conversation.  I was also exhausted and it was Walt's birthday.  We were going out to dinner with Ned and Marta, so I just told my mother goodbye and got on the road.

 

Next week we are going to pull up comfortable chairs to her 2-drawer file cabinet and I am going through every file folder to see what is there, what can be gotten rid of, and understand all that is important to keep.  This is more for me than for her.  It will, yes, get rid of some crap, but it will be unseen crap, so probably not solve her problem.  The following week we will take a tour of the first facility.

I got home before 5 and hoped to get in a nap, but did not fall asleep.  Walt and I drove over to Ned's and the four of us walked to a nearby Japanese restaurant, where we had a nice dinner.  Walt got calls on his cell phone from Jeri and from his sister and missed a call from Tom and Brianna, but got the voice mail message.  When we got home, his brother called, so, figuring that he had now heard from everyone, he announced that he was now a year older and needed to get to bed earlier, so headed off to bed.

By the way, Walt opened his computer this morning to the Google Home Page and saw that the google logo was a stack of birthday cakes in the vague shape of the word "Google" and when he put his cursor on the logo, a box popped up that said "Happy Birthday, Walter."  Big Google is watching you at all times!!!!

Happy Birthday, I Guess

Poor Walt didn't exactly have an exciting birthday.

I slept a bit late and woke up not feeling 100% (not bad, but just some minor concerns), and I almost forgot it was his birthday, but did remember to wish him a happy birthday.

He reheated yesterday's leftover coffee for himself and took the newspaper and went back upstairs to bed while I sat in the recliner and kind of "recovered." I eventually managed to make fresh coffee and I put his gift and card at his place on the kitchen table, but he was in and out of the family room all morning before he saw it.

The morning passed uneventfully. I was at my desk most of the morning while Max sat at my feet eating my desk, as so many other dogs have in the past--Max is just big enough he might actually consume enough to cause the desk to be very unsteady, if he were to stay here more than just a couple of days.

At 11:45 it was time to take him up to Petco and while I was getting him out of the house, Miss Polly-I-am-afraid-of-everything decided to escape and went on a nice little jaunt smelling the flowers of all the house up the block until I finally got close enough to her that I was able to trick her into thinking I was going away from her and she ran into the driveway, where Walt caught her. At one point she darted across our very busy street and then changed her mind and decided to run back right in the path of a car. Fortunately he saw her. Damn dog.

When we got to Patco, we discovered that Patty had NOT, as we thought, been adopted, but was there in a cage. The two big puppies live in separate foster homes now and seemed happy to see each other again, though Max is quite a bit bigger than she is now.

After Max came home from Petco, Walt went to the store for milk and dog food, I gave him leftovers for dinner, and we went to see Guys and Dolls at Davis Musical Theatre Company, where we also saw a group of Davis Comic Opera Company (DCOC) friends in the audience.

The group was the same group we had seen the previous night at a small party for our friend Diane, sister of Ned's best friend, who was out here from Massachusetts with her new husband. Phil and Lester were back in Massachusetts taking care of Diane's son Ag.

It was only two weeks ago that we had seen all the DCOC people at a concert. Very nice to have a chance to visit again not once, but THREE times, as we hadn't seen them in a long time and they are some of our favorite people in Davis.

Walt got calls today from his sister, his brother, Jeri, Ned and Tom (who helped Bri sing Happy Birthday to Grandpa). He wasn't here for the call from his mother, so he will talk with her tomorrow.

So the day was fairly low key, but when you turn 71, you probably can't take too much excitement anyway.

Tomorrow we're having brunch with Ned and going to a movie.

I'm married to a 71 year old man. I never dreamed I'd be married to someone so old. (And if I'm not careful, soon I'll be that old myself!)