Word Nerds

The last time we attended a taping of our favorite radio show, Says You, ("a radio game show of bluff and bluster, words and whimsey") Richard Sher, who started the show in 1996, was the host.  Richard died in 2015 and actually, though I have been a devoted listener lo these many years, I had a difficult time listening to the show without Richard at the helm.

Richard was first replaced by Barry Nolan, who had been a panelist for all those years, but I found he was a much more enjoyable panelist than he was a host and so I just stopped listening altogether.  Walt still listens, but he no longer lets me know it's on, so I haven't heard it in a long time.

Barry has since been replaced by Gregg Porter of Seattle's KUOW.  I had never heard him before, though he has been hosting for some time now.

Says You broadcasts at various venues around the country.  Though they are based in Boston you may find them all over the place.  We have seen them in San Francisco, in So California, and somewhere near Stanford.  One weekend we flew to Burbank and attended tapings in two different venues on two different days. We began to recognize some of the other "regulars" as we stood in line waiting to get into the venue.  I even worked for panelist Tony Kahn for awhile, doing some transcription for him and his own PBS radio show.

I think the group must have come to San Francisco once before, since Richard's death, because the guy sitting in the box seat with us yesterday saw them at Herbst theater, and we did not.

Walt let me know a few months ago that the show would be recording in San Francisco on my birthday, which seemed to answer the question "what are you going to do on your birthday?"

We drove down to SF in the afternoon and got there in time to have dinner at Max's Opera Cafe.  They must have known I was coming.

 

It was delicious and though the cabbage didn't look that appetizing, it was almost (but not quite) better than the crab cakes, but it was sautéed with bacon and onions and huge chunks of shitaki mushrooms and was fabulous.

 

We were finished in plenty of time to walk the block to Herbst Hall and find our box seats.

Then the panelists came out and filled in the "stereo left, stereo right" seats.

 

We did wonder whatever happened to Barry Nolan, who said he had been out on SF Bay during the day, but didn't mention the color of his face!

 

They tape two shows each time and toward the end of the first show, the host made the announcement that I was in the audience and celebrating my birthday.  Tony (left above) said he didn't realize I was there.  I guess someone backstage had been checking the Says You Facebook page, where I mentioned looking forward to going to the show for my birthday.  It was a lovely surprise to be recognized.

All three of the kids (and grandkids) called during the day, which was lovely.

I got to sleep before midnight and slept almost 7 hours, so it was a win-win-win situation all around.  I am a lucky woman.

Now she's 97

..and she only passed out once.

I was so disappointed when I got up this morning and found the sunflowers I bought last night looking like this.

I don't know what the secret is to keeping them upright, but obviously these were not going to make it to Atria for my mother's birthday celebration.  Big waste of $10.

I had bought a small cake and the flowers yesterday and we were going to join Ned and have a small private party.  Of course she did not remember it was her birthday and had to be reminded many times throughout our time together.  I pointed out that she had received a card from a friend of hers and she seemed confused about why that person would be sending her a card.  She picked up the card and read it several times, each time surprised that it was her birthday--nobody ever told her that.

There is a plus side to dementia, though.  Ned brought her a nice bouquet, which she loved.  She loves flowers.  And it came with a little happy birthday balloon.  Ned cut the balloon down so that it went into the vase with the flowers and they were put on a credenza.  Throughout the time we were there, she discovered them many times, each time surprised to see them, each time asking where they had come from and each time delighted when Ned said he had brought them.  Ned got a lot of love and thanks for his flowers!

I had gone to Fairfield after work yesterday and bought her a box of candy from See's, which she loves.  See's were always parts of our celebrations throughout my life and since there really isn't anything else you can get her these days.  She doesn't like new clothes, she can't read books, and so the best thing to get her is a box of candy.  I'm not sure she remembered how much a part of our family these candies have been for the past 75 years, but she enjoyed the candy and passed them around for everyone to share.

I had made a reservation for the four of us at the dining room.  I don't know if they saved a table for us or not, but we found a table for four and sat down.  

We were lucky that the entree of the day was steak...it could have been one of the awful dishes that I've had lately, but the steak was pretty good.

When the waitress came to take our orders, I suggested to my mother that she get a glass of wine, which always puts her in good "spirits."  They did get wine.  And she was in good spirits.

Lunch went well and then we returned to the apartment for cake.  Her back was bothering her and she flopped down on the couch, leaned over to the right, and passed out.  She was out for about 10 seconds and then came back, again with that startled look, trying to figure out where she was and who we were.  But Ned talked her back into life again, and then he went to get the birthday cake.

She was surprised.  She had no idea it was her birthday.

These "spells" of hers seem to exhaust her and after we had cake, I could see she was fading fast, so we packed up and let her go to sleep.

In the afternoon, I had a call from her best friend from San Rafael.  She said she called her and was talking to her when she got disconnected.  When she called back, there was no answer.  This is not the first call like this I've received.  I've finally decided that when a phone call comes and she doesn't know who it is (though everyone is very good about identifying themselves), she hangs up and doesn't answer when they call back again.  I don't know that this is happening, but it seems highly likely.

So her birthday is now over.  The birthday celebration probably meant more to me than to her, but you just never know when it's going to be her last one.

BEING 73

Well, my first day of being 73 had highs and lows but was basically low key, with a couple of low spots.

I was awakened by my cell phone ringing.  I didn't get to it in time, but I saw it was Ned and he had left a message...it was the recording of the birthday song we always sing.  We made a video of it one year.  It was a nice way to wake up, and also to see that it was sprinkling outside.  Rain for my birthday.  Perfect (that's sincere, not sarcastic)  I thought about how my father had bought that record of "happy birthday" by The Sportsmen (who were regulars on the Milton Berle TV show) as a joke and how amazed he would be to know that his grandchildren are still playing it for themselves and their friends (and that is now in a digital form.  I don't have a clue where that old 78 rpm record is any more!

Walt was just leaving to go to breakfast with his "old timers" group, so I fixed myself my own version of the Mexican "migas," ("my own version" based on what ingredients we had).  You cut up strips of corn tortillas and fry them until they start to turn golden, Then you pour in an egg, scrambled with a little milk in it.  You stir that together with the tortillas and as the egg is almost cooked add Parmesan cheese and let it melt.  I was out of Parmesan, so used cheddar and it was quite tasty.  A nice treat for my birthday breakfast.

There was an e-mail from my friend Kathy saying that her workman would not be able to work because of the weather so should she meet me in Davis for lunch?  I told her that I would rather keep the original plan, to eat at Olive Garden and I would explain why when I saw her.

Shortly after Walt returned from his breakfast, I got in the car to drive to Sacramento.  I always leave time in case there is traffic.  There was none today and even taking the slow way, through town instead of freeway all the way, I still got there 30 minutes early.  But that was OK because I was really into my audio book and I just sat in the car and listened.  I then went into the restaurant and they took me to a table to wait for Kathy to arrive...and I had more time to listen to the audio book with the earphones I keep in my purse for just such occasions.

She arrived at the time she was supposed to and I told her about my Kaiser-DMV dilemma and how I hoped to pick up my signed paperwork after lunch.  We then did our usual political roundup and I shared my observation that I'm convinced the current election season is being orchestrated by Monty Python.  It's the only thing that makes any sense at all.

After lunch, I drove the two blocks to Kaiser and went to the ophthalmology office to see if they had paperwork for me.  They searched through their files and did not have anything, but suggested I go across the hall to the Medical Records department, which was the logical place where it would have been sent after being filled out.  I went there and found out that there is no record of anything being delivered by courier.

In truth, I was not surprised.  I have been a Kaiser member for 63 years (my father joined when I was 10) and I think I would have been shocked if they had the form for me.  

So now I had to throw myself on the mercy of the DMV.  I had no DMV paperwork and no medical paperwork.  After waiting in line awhile, I started to explain my plight to the clerk and he gave me another DMV form to fill out after he tested my vision, which was perfect in both eyes.

I waited just about exactly an hour before my number, G041, was called.  In that time I tried to figure out the methodology of the numbers.  Every so often a voice would say that such-=and-such number was being helped at window #X.  But there was no rhyme or reason to the numbers.  F245 might follow A023 and precede H006.  I thought my turn was coming soon when G040 was called, but there were at least 20 numbers called, with other seemingly random letters at the start before I was finally called.  I'm sure there is a system, but I sure as heck can't figure it out.

I was very hopeful that without the DMV paperwork that Kaiser had, and just being considered a drop-in licensee that maybe I could slip through the cracks and actually get my license.  But no, that was too much to hope for in this day of computers.  Not only that, but the clerk my clerk checked with was the guy who insisted that I be tested every year in the first place.  I don't know if he remembered my case, but he was adamant that he was not going into a car with me until he knew from a doctor that I was safe to drive.  Of course last hear he went into a car with me with only one eye and didn't seem upset about it.

But I was back to square one.  I couldn't do anything without the damn form that was lost somewhere in the Kaiser system.  But if there is anything good to come out of it it's that I now have a temporary license which will take me through mid-April and I'm sure I can get all the paperwork in order by then.

Jeri called my cell phone as I was driving home and so I went for a lovely drive in the country, through the orchards all in blossom right now, while we chatted for about half an hour.  She sang our happy birthday song, since she didn't have access to the recording.

I got home from my very long day and checked email and Facebook and discovered more than 200 birthday wishes.  I feel very loved indeed.

Walt and I were catching up on the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show (I'm a sucker for that show and watch it every year.  Walt and I even remembered Banana Joe, the Affenpinscher who won Best in Show back in 2013 (his handler then was handling another dog this year).  To tell the truth, dog shows about confirmation instead of ability seem kind of silly to me, but I do love looking at all the different breeds....and all the weird grooming, especially on poodles and on any of the long-haired cute dogs who look like they'd be great for dusting my floors!

In the middle of the show, the phone rang and it was Brianna.  After some starts and stops, we managed to get FaceTime working, I paused the dog show and I talked with Bri and Lacie (sorta) for over half an hour.  The girls are kind of getting the hang of it, though there was still a lot of silliness and I must say that they must really be enamored of the new toilet installed in their bathroom because they kept showing me pictures of it, open and closed, over and over again.  Brianna wanted to see Polly and Lizzie, and it was fun to be able to show them to her, though the dogs were confused when she called to them.  But it was a fun conversation and Tom gave me a guided tour of their extensive house renovations (and he did not sing the family birthday song)

We went back to watching the recording of the dog show and I was thrilled when C.J., a German Short-Hair Pointer won his 15th Best of Show award in the last 18 months.  C.J. stands for "California Journey," so it's kind of a local dog makes good thing.  On a personal level, I was thinking back to Keno and Chippa, Peggy's two GSPs and how thrilled she would be to know about CJ's win.  But of course I can't tell her.

When the dog show was over, I realized that I had not prepared anything for dinner and that the Blue Apron stuff, delivered today, was still frozen, so I whipped up some quick spaghetti (without the Parmesan that I didn't have for breakfast either) which was no gourmet treat, but at least filled our bellies.

Tomorrow Walt is taking me out to dinner after I finish working at Logos.  He also bought me a Kindle elephant book that has been on my Amazon Wish List for some time.

So all things considered, it was a good birthday, even if I still don't have my driver's license!

Where is the Bouncy House?

What if you invited 10-15 four year olds, their parents and their siblings to a party at which the bouncy house was one of the main attractions...and the bouncy house did not show up? That was the situation facing Tom and Laurel when it got to after 11 a.m., the invite time, little kids started arriving and there was no bouncy house...and not only that, but the company they hired was not answering their phone.

To keep the kids occupied at this Finding Nemo themed party, they fired up the movie on the outdoor TV and the kids started watching, but Amazon instant video was having problems and there would be 25 seconds of movie and 15 seconds of buffering. Over and over again. Things were not looking good for the party, though Lacie was too excited to notice.

Fortunately they had also hired a face painting lady and she showed up and everyone lined up to get their face painted.

Finally the bouncy house arrived and it was set up in no time.  I was amused to notice that they had velcro signs that they attached to the front when it was set up, with a Little Mermaid theme.  Presumably had this been a Superman theme, there would be a superhero velcro sign affixed!

It was an afternoon of mayhem and fun, the most fun watching all those painted faces get together, especially during a tense moment of the movie.

I loved Bri watching with her best friend from school.

Somewhere in there, a mountain of pizzas was delivered, including dairy free and gluten free choices.

I missed the cake cutting and candle blowing because I didn't know it was happening and by the time I realized it was, there were 40 billion people with cameras in front of me.  Presumably eventually one of those photos will be posted on Facebook.

A professional grade snow cone maker had come with the bouncy house, so after the kids finished cake, Tom was making snow cones for whoever wanted one...and it was a good thing, since it was so hot that the ice felt good, even after cone making was done and snowball fights started!

The kids had been asked not to bring gifts.  Some brought flowers or balloons. The only ones who brought gifts were the kids of long-time friends of Tom and Laurel, which Lacie opened after most of the kids left.  There was still a pile to get through. Laurel's mother had given her a Little Mermaid nightgown and when she opened it, she was very excited and said "I've been wanting this for years!" Then we had given her a Frozen nightgown and after she opened it she took both nightgowns into her room to put them away before she finished opening packages. The kid's not a Virgo, but darn near!

And then, because this is the computer age, there was a Facetime call to her other grandfather so he could watch her open the gifts he sent.

After she opened her gifts, she took the phone outside to show him the bouncy house.

So, despite a rocky start, the day was a big success and Lacie had a wonderful time.  So did everyone else. Her grandparents were worn out.

Much Meat was Consumed

This is just the chicken and the salmon.  There were also several tri-tip roasts, a leg of lamb, and spare ribs.  The only reason there weren't any clams was because we'd forgotten and left them at home.

Yes, Tom's annual "happy birthday to me" barbeque has taken place and was another roaring success.  Tom collaborates in work and cost with Alice Nan's husband Joe and the end result is enjoyed by (depending on the year) anywhere from 30 to 60 people.  This was one of the "light" years, but still a lot of meat was consumed.

It is also a time for the girls to get their fill of "Uncle Ned," who, this year, worked with them on sand castles, there on Santa Barbara beach (this portion untainted by the recent oil spillage).

Later, Jeri and Bri spent an hour or more building what looked like a "castle subdivision" with one large castle (complete with American flag) in the center, surrounded by lots of smaller castles.  Kind of like sailing down the Rhine...

Jeri declared the experience to be "awesome."

There was cake, which I ordered with a Hawaii theme, since Tom et al. are leaving for Maui at 4 a.m. tomorrow (leaving Santa Barbara for the Los Angeles airport to catch at 6 a.m. flight)

And, because it is us there had to be music.

This little girl is Lily.  I'm not sure who she is, but she was the most excited of anybody about the music and danced to everything.  I wish I had been able to take a better picture of her.

Stanley was there, giving Tom what he gives him  every year -- another 49er t-shirt.  (Last year he forgot and gave him a shirt of a different team)

When everyone was getting ready to go home, Marta and Phil cut up the leftover cake and shared it with the family in the area next to where we were.

So it was a great success and I hope that Tom has a fabulous time in Hawaii after all this because he certainly has had quite a week...starting with our anniversary dinner last week, the BBQ last night, and today's big bash.  I'm quite proud of our now-youngest son!

A Crabby Birthday

All in all, 72 ain't so bad.  I had a nice, relaxing day, spent, for a good part, writing a review of a farce I had seen on Saturday, A Flea in her Ear.  It was very funny and I gave it a rave review, but I loved my closing paragraph, which few will "get."  Jeri did.  Walt didn't.  Do you?

So when all the world is a hopeless jumble and the raindrops tumble all around, leave your troubles outside and come to the Woodland Opera House for a good two hours of fun and laughter.

When I get devastatingly clever it's often just for my own fun...this was.  But I'm curious to see if anybody reading this knows what I mean.

Jeri called in the afternoon to wish me a happy birthday.  It was snowing while we talked.  We were accompanied by Lester barking in Boston and Sheila barking in Davis.  I also discovered something I had not known in all of this snow reporting.  Jeri is home alone; Phil has been in Arizona on a previously scheduled trip, so all this blizzard stuff and snow removal Jeri has been doing by herself (with help from her neighbors) while Phil sends her photos of blue skies and palm trees!  We both agreed he owes her big time!

At night, Ned and Marta took Walt and me to Joe's Crab Shack in Old Sacramento for dinner.  Was there ever a better place for me to have a birthday feast?

While Marta and I sipped our lemonade and water, Ned and Walt enjoyed a pint of Sam Adams and toasted Jeri and all the other poor residents of New England, still buried under mountains of snow.

Walt and I each ordered one of the big pots of Dungeness crab and the waitress saw that we were suitably attired.

And then our crabs arrived.  Oh myyy.

We definitely got our share of crab, though the promised hush puppies never arrived...but who needed them?

We had such a delightful evening and were so grateful to Ned and Marta for treating us.

On the drive home, I was wondering if maybe I had too much crab, as I was feeling a little woozy, but once I was out of the moving car and settled in my recliner, things were fine and I fell asleep almost immediately, happily sated with memories of a lovely dinner and fun company.

There was a video waiting for me on my phone, of the girls singing happy birthday almost, sorta accompanied by Brianna on her new bass guitar.  Then a nice call from Tom to close out the day.

A very good way to turn 72.

The Birthdays

I found this video the other day.  (I tried to embed it but for some reason that didn't work, though it should have.)  If you don't want to go to YouTube and watch the video yourself, it's a video of David, Jeri and Paul, sitting on the couch (holding pictures of Tom and Ned, who couldn't be there) and singing "My Favorite Things" with lyrics I rewrote to commemorate The Pinata Group. That's David on the guitar.

I had all sorts of mixed feelings watching it. I thought I would be emotional and yeah, emotions welled up.  But one thing that struck me very forcibly was something I said to David shortly before he died.

We were joking about all the photos and videos I take and I told him "that's OK--you can die and I probably won't even notice because I have so many videos of you around." In retrospect, that was a terrible thing to say, given that he was dead not long after.

But as I watched this video, I realized that maybe it wasn't so bad after all.  Here they were, alive again, singing together with Jeri.  The video made me smile and though I wish to heck they were here, the videos are a comfort because for a few minutes, they are back, alive, whole and the family is all together again.

We're coming up on Birthday Time.  Paul's birthday is tomorrow and David's is a week later.  Paul would have been 46 and David 43.  They are permanently stuck at 30 and 24.  

I look at Ned's grey hair--actually he's getting white hair.  He has more than I do.  And I see the look of a middle aged man.  I wonder what his brothers would look like at 46 and 43.  

Paul was planning to move to L.A. with his wife and become a movie star.  What would he be doing now?  Waiting tables?  Working in the post office?  Or would he be one of that small percent that actually work in the business?  We'll never know. I feel cheated because I always wanted to watch him win his Oscar and stand there and thank his mom for all her support.

And David.  He was in the process of getting his life together.  He had tried Sacramento City College and Chico State and gave up.  After a period of working bagging groceries, he was talking about moving to Santa Cruz and going to school there.  He still hadn't figured out what he wanted to be when he grew up.  But what a mind that kid had.  If he found the right path, he could have done anything.

Instead the two of them are lying in a grave in the Davis cemetery and it just seems so unfair that life has moved on without them.

After so many years (19 and 16), the birthdays and the anniversaries aren't as wrenching as they were in the beginning.  You never "get over" the death of a child and you do, as people wanting to say something comforting after they died, "remember them" (as if you could forget!).  You are forever changed.  They become a part of the person you are now and you go on about your business.  You don't wear sack cloth and ashes forever, you don't shut the curtains and assume the fetal position for the rest of your life, but you laugh and have good times and bad times while a piece of your brain includes them in all family activities, though you don't really talk about them much.

We'll probably go out for sushi on Paul's birthday.  We've been doing that for 16 years now.  Who knows what we'll do on Dave's, but we'll raise a glass of wine...or water...or whatever and toast them.

And then we wait until the death anniversaries roll around a couple of months later.

Happy birthday, guys

There Will Be Blood...uh...a Letter

The 95th birthday party has been declared a success, though it was touch and go for awhile and a letter has been written to the General Manager of Atria about it.  However, I'm getting ahead of myself.

Knowing I wanted to do this party, I arranged a week ago to use the private dining room.  I checked twice during the week with the front desk about it, keeping them up to date with how many we would probably have.   The room has a long table that seats probably 14 people, and then chairs around the edges so you can sit and chat.  It would be perfect.  I had invited 8 people from Atria and then there were 5 family plus my friend Peg, who used to live at Atria and has now moved across town to be closer to her daughter and, of course, my mother, for 14 total.

The adventure started yesterday with Making The Cake.   I always use cake mix cakes, but I decided that I wanted to make a from-scratch cake this time, so I did.  I was super careful measuring ingredients and mixing times, etc.  I even buttered the cake pan, put parchment on it and buttered it again, to make sure the cake came out easily -- all those things that "real" bakers do, that I usually skip beause I'm lazy.  But I wanted this cake to be perfect.

The first problem was that as I was getting ready to put it in the oven, I glanced at the recipe and realized that I had used 1-1/2 cups of milk instead of 1-1/4.  Well...maybe it would be OK, I thought.  But then as I put the pan in the oven I relaized that instead of the pan being the 9x13 called for in the recipe, it was 7x11.  I crossed my fingers and hoped for the best.

In time I began to smell burning cake and the smoke detector went off and I discovered the batter had overflowed the pan and was burning on the bottom of the oven.  Ultimately it came out with batter cooked onto the sides and the middle sunken in.

This would not do, so I heaved a sigh and started making a second cake, which, thank goodness, turned out just fine.  Amazing what a difference it makes when you measure correctly and use the right size pan!

This morning I got up at 6 to make stabilized whipping cream and decorate the cake.  I've decided stabilized whipping cream is my favorite frosting...so much softer, less sweet than buttercream, and by adding gelatin to the cream, you can actually pipe with it and it holdes its shape.

At 11, we headed to Atria, by way of the supermarket so I could get a flower arrangement.  I had hoped for a balloon, but they didn't have any that I liked (and none blown up).  We got to Atria and I checked in with the front desk again and then took the cake and flowers to the private dining room.  It was 11:30.   

The server told me that I would have to move to the hospitality table because they weren’t opened yet. I explained I just wanted to drop off the cake and that we would not be arriving until noon. She said that would be fine.  

At noon, we returned to find several of the Atria guests already in the dining room and we began to settle ourselves around the table, though I thought it odd that the table was not set, as it has been when I have used that room for other purposes.

I was pleased that almost everyone I had invited was there already and happy to see my mother greet each person like a friend.  Things were going well.   Soon the server came in and informed me that we would have to move to the hospitality table because the private dining room was not available for use. I explained that we had reserved it a week before but she said that we would have to move. The hospitality table seats 10 comfortably. At that point we were 12 and she wanted to give us that table and a separate table for 4 somewhere else in the dining room. At no time did I see any sign of any reason why the private dining room I had reserved was suddenly unavailable.

 We managed to squeeze the 12 of us around the hospitality table, but the server never brought extra silverware, so I was stealing it from empty tables. We also found our own chairs because the server said she would get chairs and never did. One of the invited guests who had not yet arrived was spotted elsewhere in the dining room, and I know she had forgotten about the party. I would ordinarily have brought her to join us, but given that the table was already too full, I did not and I feel bad about that, because she is one of my mother’s best friends at Atria. 

We went through the buffet line and were halfway through our meal before anyone asked if we wanted drinks (everyone did...we wanted to toast my mother with mimosas) and we were nearly finished with the meal before the drinks arrived.

When it was time to have the cake I had decorated, we had to clear the table ourselves and I could not find any server to get plates to serve the cake on or a knife to cut it. I finally went into the kitchen and some person working there said she would bring the plates out. She did, eventually, and said “the chef will cut the cake.” We waited and waited and finally I used a knife from our table and cut it with that.

Ned had brought his video camera and is in the process of making a video.  He enlisted my mother's step son Ed as camera man.

The party started to break up and the Atria residents began to leave.

  

This was one of my favorite pictures of the party.  I knew Peg from our writing group years ago and was pleased to find her living at Atria when we moved my mother in.

She kind of took my mother under her wing and watched out for her in her first months there.   When we were on vacation last year, she would have my mother come to her apartment so she could read my journal entries on Peg's computer.

They have the same kind of humor and enjoy teasing each other.

When they built a new facility on the other side of town, I was sad to hear Peggy was moving there, but it is closer to her daughter, so I understand it and her apartment is gorgeous.  Looks just like a hotel suite (I stuck that in there for Peggy, who will "get it").

When I was planning this party, she was the first person I invited and I was so pleased that she was able to come.  Everyone at Atria loves her too, so lots of people stopped by to see her.

We finally moved the family part of the party back to the apartment where my mother got a surprise gift ... she watched the 49ers win their game against the Cowboys.

She also got some phone calls from family wishing her a happy birthday.

I told Walt there are perks to having a parent with dementia.   My mother must have asked at least half a dozen times who made the birthday cake and each time she received the news that I did as if she hadn't heard it before, so she thanked me effusively each time.  She also unwrapped one of the gifts we gave her twice, the second time not remembering she had seen it before, so there was more effusive thanks for the gift. 

So the day was a success, despite the mix-up with Atria.  I felt much better after I came home and wrote a letter to the General Manager of the facility.

Day 70:  All things considered, it was a fun 95th birthday

The Party Planner

My mother is going to turn 95 on Sunday.  After her 90th birthday party, she made no bones about wanting to have another big party for her 95th as well.  I never encouraged that because I decided to pay for her 90th out of my savings account, and it depleted it.  I couldn't afford to give her another big party.

Fortunately especially over this past year she has stopped talking about a big party for her 95th.  In fact, she doesn't mention living to "hunnert" as much as she used to.  And when I mentioned her upcoming birthday, she had forgotten she had a birthday coming up and isn't interested in any hoopla.

Well, I can't let that pass, entirely.  She is going to be 95, after all. Ned is going to come to brunch on Sunday, Walt and I will be there, and today Ed, her stepson, called and I spoke with him and he will be there for brunch too.  I also invited Peg, who used to live at Atria and has now moved to a new facility.  Peg is the youngest of her Atria friends and the one who knows everyone.   She and my mother always had great fun together at mealtime.  I think my mother still remembers her.

She has very few friends at Atria, but she does have friends, whether she knows their names or not.  She sees them only at mealtime, but these are the people she seems to relate to most.  I decided to try to keep this secret, in case nobody comes.  I snuck into Atria earlier this week, before my mother went to lunch, and gave an invitation to Margaret, who usually sits with Robert.  I also gave her an invitation for Robert when he arrived, but I saw him go into the dining room and sit with someone else.  I don't know if he ever got his invitation.  

I sat in the hallway outside the dining room in a chair that faced away from the hall from where my mother (if she went to lunch) would be coming and managed to waylay Jane that way. She and Jane used to sit together when we went to the weekly sing-alongs.  Jane has family in Santa Barbara and some day we will drive her down when we are going that way.

In all, I have given invitations to five people and since I haven't seen the sixth person, I will call her.  All of these people have some degree of memory problems so it is going to be interesting to see who (if anybody) actually shows up.  I told the front desk we could be expecting anywhere from 5 to 10 or 11 people.

I'll make a cake tomorrow and get out early in Sunday to buy flowers and a balloon and decorate the private dining room where we have parties like this and then we'll just see who shows up.

I also wrote to one of my mother's friends from Hospice of Marin.  Every year, four of them, who have birthdays around the same time, have gotten together to go out to lunch.  I decided to let Marian know that if they wanted to invite her, I would be happy to drive her to Marin county for lunch.  I think it would be good for her and I hope that they decide to invite her.

One of the people I invited to Sunday's party was Robert, the only guy in the bunch.  He and I have chatted a lot at lunch, though he's quite deaf, so it's not always easy to know if he hears me or not.  But when he told me that he had published some stories for his grandchildren, I went to Amazon and found one book, which was only $3.  It was dog stories and I figured it might be a good book to give to Brianna and Lacie. It came today.

It's a terrible book!!!  And it desperately needed an editor.  Here is the second paragraph of the first story.

There were six  children in the household--evenly divided into three boys and three girls.  The youngest girl was named Barbara and early in her life she was found to be totally deaf.  Not being able to hear makes it difficult to talk and there is no way to call her.  The youngest girl was born deaf.

There are only 3 more paragraphs in this "story," Barbara seeing the puppy and liking him and his becoming her dog and the two of them having their picture taken at a 4H fair.

That's it.  

Robert is a retired veteranarian and an interesting guy to talk with, but it seems that these "stories" are just descriptions of dogs that he had as patients and if there is anything that the dogs do, their actions are so dull, I wouldn't try to give the book to anyone.

But he was thrilled when I told him I ordered his book and I guess that's the important thing.

One last note.  When I was at Atria earlier in the week, I was going through all of her printed material--they pass out endless lists and ntes  and calendars and menus and my mother never looks at them, so periodically I go an discard the outdated ones (this time notes dating back to May).  I found a note from the dining room that they were running low on plates and asking if people could check and see if they had any plates from the dining room in their apartments.

Today I was looking for a glass to get myself some water and I opened one cupboard and there were twelve plates from the dining room.   My mother doesn't know how they got there, but I got them all stacked up and put outside her door, and then called the front desk to let them know they were there.   When we went to lunch, my mother saw the dishes outside and wanted to move them in front of someone else's apartment so nobody would know she had kept them.

I didn't.

Day 68: This made me so happy!
Comstock Magazine did a feature article on our Mexican daughter, Marie Mertz and her restaurant
Is this the young girl I had to practically kick out of the house to get her to go out and practice her English?

Bob at 77

We were standing at the dessert buffet table when my cousin Ken turned to me and said, "I'll bet she could still beat me at Pinochle.   That woman is as sharp as she ever was..."  
 

I wonder what he would have said if he had been me earlier in the day.

I didn't go to Atria yesterday, but the day before we talked about going to Bob's birthday party this afternoon.  I reminded her that it was written on her calendar.  This morning, I called to remind her that we were going to the party.  To my delight, she remembered and said she'd be ready to go at 3 when I said we would pick her up.

At 2:45, I called to let her know we were getting ready to leave and would meet her out in front of Atria.

"Oh?" she asked.  "Where are we going?"  I told her that we were going to Bob's party.  "WHO?" she said.  I said that it was Bob's birthday party and that I had talked with Peach and we were supposed to be there at 4. "Are they here?" she asked.   I assured her that they were in Roseville and that we needed to leave in 15 minutes.  "Well, I'll have to  change my clothes," she said "I didn't know anything about this."  She asked several times in the car where we were going and what we were going to do there.

Sigh.  No, Ken--she will not beat you at Pinochle, and no, she is not as sharp as she ever was.

That aside, however, it really was a lovely afternoon and, as usual my mother covered beautifully and I don't think anybody got much of a hint at how she recognized almost nobody and had to be reminded of what all those people were there for.  She was thrilled to see Peach again, of course, though she couldn't get over her curly hair and couldn't remember it ever being white.  She told me several times that she just didn't recognize her.

But she got to see several other people in the family, like my 2nd cousin, Donna (Niecie's sister), Ken, and Peach's sister Mandy, whom we almost never see.

As for the birthday boy, Peach intended this to be a surprise and he was overwhelmed when he saw the crowd

We spent a lot of time indoors in the air conditioning since it was in the mid 90s outside, but later when it began to cool off we went to the dinner buffet arranged by Peach's son Mike and his wife Stacey--a fabulous spread!  Then after dinner, they set up chairs so Bob and Peach could have their picture taken with everyone who was there, in groups of 1 or 2 (someone else took the picture with Walt and me in it, so I don't have that one)

and at the end of the guest pictures, pictures with the reason they had come out here, their new great grandchild, Everly (not Beverly).   There was a Grandparent picture and a 4 generations picture (the guy in the red shirt is my godson, Peach's son).  And yes, she is the most beautiful baby in the world...under the age of 2.

So a great time was had by all, and as the sun started setting, we told everyone goodbye and I took my traditional picture of Peach with Kathy's husband, Fred, the long and the short of it.  (Once again, as I frequently do, I wished Kathy were there with us.)

My mother mentioned many times on the way home that it had been a "busy day" and I certainly hope she was able to get to sleep tonight. At least for one day she had something "exciting" to do and couldn't tell me nothing exciting ever happens in her life.

But I don't think I'll plan any games of pinochle with her in the foreseeable future.  We are hoping Peach and Bob will make it to Davis for a day, but that is looking less and less likely.

Day 62:  Our wonderful, wonderful reunion!