I'm Back

I am back on my big computer and the problem was exactly what I thought it was, but (a) couldn't articulate, and (b) didn't know how to fix it.  It was essentially operator stupidity.

See, I often move this keyboard to the back of the desk so I can work on something else on the front part of the desk.  In this case it was the heavy book I'm making for Swap Bot.  And as I suspected, I somehow hit some keys that locked the keyboard.

Once my guru connected to my computer and started looking around, he found it right away.  There is no way I could find it again, but within seconds, I was typing again.

NOTE TO SELF:  Don't ever do that again!!!!!

But I now know that I have an on screen keyboard that I can use if I ever do that again.  I needed to use that to give the guru permission to connect to my computer.

So...where were we when I was so rudely (and stupidly) interrupted?

Well, Ned and I had another good visit with my mother.  Sandy says she still has some "issues," but is doing well.

She was at the kitchen table when we arrived, talking with Jeanie, one of the other residents.  Jeanie loves to sing and sings "Show me the way to go home" all the time.  We sang it several times throughout the hour we were there.

Sandy always wants to give me a report on things.  He showed me a couple of videos he had taken of her, where she is happily engaged in something or other.  Then, since we were singing, he brought out a keyboard and hoped my other would play it (it kind of reminded me of a mother trying to get her kid to perform for the guests).

She didn't seem interested in the keyboard, but Ned started playing "Show me the way to go home" and got her playing too.

He started playing some other songs from the 40s and 50s and got both her and Jeanie singing.  Sandy gave him a flash drive and he is going to record some songs on it so they will have some familiar music to play.

She seems to have accepted that this is her house and at one point was irritated about all the "strangers" who were there.  When we told her they were guests that seemed to mollify her and she seemed to be OK with that notion.

When we left, she came to the door with us, with Sandy behind her, and waved to us, commenting that it was cold outside and she was happy to go back inside.  She has always waved at us from the door when we leave, for years.  It was kind of nice to see her doing something "normal" again.

So once again I am very happy with Eldervilla and I always leave there so grateful to the Psychiatrist for suggesting this place.

They have one empty bed right now and I'm so glad that we got the private room, because I don't think she would be as happy sharing a room.

Last night I cooked pork belly for dinner.  Tom had it at one of his 4th of July parties and I had it for the first time and loved it.  I had never seen it in the stores before but some time ago I found it...and then didn't know what to do with it so put it in the freezer.  Yesterday I found a recipe for the instant pot and tried it.  SO good!  I want to make it again with a fresher piece and see if that makes it even better.  You can't just look up a recipe on the internet any more.  You have to first wade through tons of stuff about the person who made the recipe, why they made it, and what the nutritional information is.  Though pork belly is mostly fat, apparently it is good fat and, according to this recipe, very good for you.  Nice to know!

The First Visit

I hadn't seen my mother since we left her at Eldervilla 2 weeks ago.  Today, Jeri is here and so she, Phil and I went to Woodland for the First Visit.  I was shocked when I saw her.  She was sound asleep but her face looked like she'd been in a prize fight.

Also her arms were covered in big red bruises and the back of her left hand was nearly black.

Sandy explained that the other night when he tried to give her her pills, she bit him and would not let go of his finger so they had to pry her jaws off of him, which resulted in the bruise on her jaw.  He also showed me the picture of his finger.

He also says she has been bumping into things a lot, which I know she did at Aria, but she never had bruises like these, but there are more things to bump into in a house than in a sterile facility.

Apparently "when she is good, she is very very good and when she is bad she is horrid." He says she has been refusing to go to the bathroom and he showed me a picture of her sitting on the floor in a pool of her urine.  But he also showed me videos of her laughing and interacting with the other residents. 

She broke her bedside lamp and tore up someone's book.  She has intruded on other people's bedrooms and tried to order one resident out of the house.

He thinks that once they get her medications right, things will be better, so I have called The Psychiatrist will ask him to please go and evaluate her and help determine the best medication for her--and we will happily pay.  I would feel worse about this if I didn't know that the Psychiatrist is very familiar with Eldervilla and recommends it highly, that he has a patient of his own there, and that he visits every couple of months.

Most of our visit went very well and Phil made friends with Simba the dog.

And I finally got a good picture of the dog myself (Nala, the other dog, was very wary of us).

We sat and visited on the porch and Jeri even took my mother on a short walk around the back yard labyrinth.

We visited for an hour, I signed tons of papers (I had to re-do them because when I signed them before Sandy thought my name was Beverly Rynders).  I'm not sure when I'll be back, but Jeri and Ned will probably go later this week.

Done

I woke up with butterflies in my stomach.  I felt the way I did back in 1913 when we were moving her to Atria.  My mood darkened when I saw that it was POURING outside.  Bad omen.  I got a text message from Sandy about what I should bring with my mother when we brought her.  I went to CVS and bought about $50 worth of "toiletries" and a bag for them as well as some GREAT slippers that will be perfect...and since they fit me, I know they will fit her

The plan was to go to the Atria hairdresser at 2 p.m. so she would not look like a witch with straggly hair, and then Ned and Walt would meet me and we would pack her up and head for Woodland by 3:45.  When I got into the car, there was blue in the sky.  Good omen?  Even better was a parking place at Atria. Definitely a good omen.

Don't believe in omens.  Though they told me she had been in good spirits in the morning, she was in HORRIBLE spirits when I got there.  From time to time, she decides that things aren't being run right, that the people in charge don't know what they are doing and, if I'm there, somehow it's my fault.  I couldn't say anything to her that didn't evoke a complaint and anger that I was trying to get her to go to her apartment.

I finally told her that I was taking her to get her hair cut because she's been complaining that it's so long.  Wrong thing to say.  She didn't want to go.  She doesn't want her hair cut.  I couldn't make her go.  I wasn't the boss of her.  I tried walking her down the hall and she spied Tony in the dining room and that was it for moving her forward.  She actually whirled and said "I'll HIT you if you don't leave me alone!" and then made a beeline for Tony.

One of the staff asked me if I wanted her to try getting her to the hair dresser and I thanked her and went off to the apartment to start packing.  Ned arrived with boxes and a cart to move things.  By now the staff member wasn't having any better luck than I had trying to get her hair cut.  Ned went to try and actually got her out of the memory unit, but apparently when he got to the elevator, she freaked out and refused to get in it.  So he sat with her for a long time and got her calmed down.  By the time they got to the apartment she was in good spirits (but still had long hair)

 

She was fine while we packed up and didn't even make a fuss about the mess in the apartment.  When we were finished, I went to get her meds to take to Eldervilla and then went to meet Walt and Ned and leave.

 

The saddest thing was that she has lived at Atria for 6 years and not one person said goodbye.  In fact, the director kind of blew me off.  I know it wouldn't have meant anything to my mother but I thought surely somebody would say goodbye.

We were right on time at Eldervilla -- well, a minute late.  We arrived at 4:01.  Sandy was great and seated my mother on a couch with another resident, Jeannie, who has been there three years and still doesn't know his name.

 

She and my mother chatted a lot while I went over paperwork with Sandy.  I tried to get a picture of Simba, but he wouldn't stay still long enough but I did this this.

 

My mother and Jeannie talked a lot and even sang a little together.  She was settling in nicely until I told her I was leaving, then she panicked.  While I had been going over paperwork with Sandy, Ned and Walt had been setting up her room.  When I was there before I saw the room. I thought it was nice, but somewhat like a prison cell.  Ned managed to turn it into a warm, welcoming bedroom.  You can't see it all in the photo of the day, but her big family picture is hung up and as many photos as we had (she has lost 7 of the framed photos of her family--I don't have a clue where they are.  Also, one of the pairs of shoes I bought for her (and LABELED for her) last week was also missing.  I am so glad to be out of Atria!

Anyway, I  told her goodbye and left her with Ned.  He got her calmed down and then turned her over to Sandy and we were all out of there.  I won't go back now until Jeri gets here next weekend.  By then she will have had a week to acclimate and I hope will be feeling better.

I am feeling both apprehensive about how she is doing and how she will do overnight, but also immensely relieved that she is in a place that seems much more safe and loving than Atria ever felt.

And of course it doesn't help that it's $2,000 less than Atria AND they do in-house haircuts free.

The Dog House

While Ned took Walt to Kaiser for a class teaching him how to use his new CPAP machine, Marta came with me to Woodland with a lovely man named Mark Wolf, of "Seniorly," a service like "A Place for Mom," which helps people find the best arrangement for their aging parents.  Mark was taking us to see a board and care home called Eldervilla.

I posted this photo a couple of days ago.

There were no turkeys in front, but it's on a nice quiet street and I liked it even before we got out of the car.

But what really sold me on the place was the sound of barking from inside the house and being greeted by Simba, a big shaggy dog, perhaps one of the cleanest dogs I've ever seen.  My mother has always loved dogs.

The place is run by an affable man from India named Sandy (actually I think his name is Sandhu, but The Psychiatrist and Mark both told me his name was Sandy).  I didn't meet his wife, who was at work, but I met the two helpers and the woman from Hospice, who visits regularly.

The place had such a warm, wonderful feeling.  There was one resident sitting on the couch listening to us and laughing.  The TV was on but it was just the aquarium, interesting to look at, but not something inane to mesmerize someone.

There was the smell of cooking that filled the house and someone was making lunch for the residents.

Two women were at a table with another helper playing a game or something.  One woman was asleep in her room another was in her room watching television and the last was a man who may or may not have mobility problems, who was sitting in his room.  But the atmosphere was just one of...I don't know...life.  You don't get that at Atria.  And I loved it that Simba followed us everywhere.  There is another dog, who is kind of protective of the woman watching TV and growled but Sandy assures us that once she knows you, she's fine.

My mother's room would be very small, with just a single bed (not a double, as she has now) and a chair.  Everything is furnished--the bed, the furniture, the linens, etc.  It's conducive to her NOT spending her time in her room, but joining others out in the living room.  I can see her straightening things up when she feels comfortable there.  There is also a nice view out her window of the street in front of the house.

The bathroom is amazing, all the features they have, such as a temperature gauge on the shower so they can have the water just the way each person likes, safety bars everywhere.  And there is a bidet that fits onto the toilet seat.

I was impressed with the way they lock the front door, which would be pretty much impossible for any of the residents (all of whom have dementia) to figure out.

There is a very large back yard, which is pretty bare right now but which will be more lush as spring approaches.

The more Sandy talked, the more I liked it.  It's everything I had hoped for for her and the best part is that it was recommended by The Psychiatrist, whose patient is one of the residents, and he visits regularly, so it's not like I'm going into it blind hoping that it's a reputable place.  It also has a 5 star rating and over the past several years, Mark showed us that on its inspections, it has never had more than a couple of small violations for paperwork.

Best of all, it's $2,000 less a month than she is paying at Atria.

Sandy made a trip to Atria to interview her, but she was sleeping.  He did talk to her a bit and talked with the staff there, who told him about her aggression, but he decided that she would fit into Eldervilla and so we're all set.  I was going to move her on Tuesday, but she needs a recent TB test first, so we'll postpone her moving until then, but possibly by the end of this week.

We have to give Atria a 30 day notice, which I did immediately, and I assume this means that we can move her out and take our sweet time moving her stuff out of her apartment.  Then we just have to figure out what to do with it all, since it won't fit in her room at Eldervilla.

I really think this could work and be so much better for her, once she settles in. 

And there is the wonderful dog.  I am sorry I didn't take her picture when we were there.  I know my mother will love her.

Crossed Fingers

We had a meeting with the director of the memory unit yesterday.  There's no getting around it.  If we can't hire a caregiver for her, she will have to move.  We now pay about $7,000/month and a caregiver will add an additional $20/hour which will soon break the bank.

But what to do?  What to do?  People recommended the other facility in town, The Carlton.  I hoped to get information from a friend who lives there, but have not had a response to my email (and I don't have her phone number).

In the meantime I called The Psychiatrist (remember him?) hoping he might have some suggestions.  He suggested a board and care home and told me about one in nearby Woodland (~10 miles away).  I checked it out and it looks nice.

(love the turkeys!)

 

I checked the web site and signed for additional information.

Within 10 minutes I had a call from a guy named Mark who works for an organization called "Seniorly," which I gather is similar to "A Place for Mom" that I see commercials for, a free service that helps people find places to put their older parent.  He asked if I'd like to tour the place and we set a date for next week.

As you can see, it's a house and it has only 6 residents and perhaps with such a small group she would be less inclined to get angry with people because she would probably have better care.

They have both single and double rooms and if she were to have a single room the cost would be $2,000 less than we are paying now.  Sounds wonderful.  But with only 6 available places, how long until someone dies and leaves a vacancy?

This morning Mark called and says they have a vacancy now, a single room, but another family is coming to check it out on Sunday, so we made plans to go and see it tomorrow.  Mark will take us..  He also said that a new physician's report needed to be filled out and it just so happens that we were going to see my mother's doctor today, so I printed the form to have her fill out.

My fingers are crossed so tightly it may be difficult to drive.  I am very hopeful that this might be the solution to her problems.  The Psychiatrist also suggested that the medication she is on now, to calm her down, tends to be "disinhibiting" in older people and suggested a substitute.

The doctor's visit was interesting.  It seems that more and more my mother talks not gibberish, but things that make no sense (she asked me if I had finished bombing the baby, for example).  So spending time with both her, speaking Mildredspeak and the doctor, who is from Bangladesh and has a very strong accent that I often can't understand is enough to give a person a headache.

For example I thought we had agreed they didn't need a urine sample since it was just done at the start of the month and was clear and that it was difficult to get her to give a sample, and easier to take it by catheter.  But when I got to the lab, they asked me if she was going to give a urine sample. I just said no.

But she did agree to change the medication, as The Psychiatrist suggested.  We'll see if that helps.

I was unhappy with the attention she got from the (new to me) Atria staff, who didn't watch her coming out of the building and didn't realize that she walked off the path, onto dirt and then off the curb at the bottom, nearly falling until I steadied her.  It was a relief when we got back and the director was there, grabbed my mother by the arm and guided her up to the door, which the other aide should have done.