Locked in a Box

This week's House was a powerful story of a man struck with the ubiquitous mystery illness which leaves him totally unable to respond to stimulus. People around him have no idea that he is aware of everything that is being done, of everything that is being said. He can even see bits and pieces of things, but can't communicate at all.

It reminded me of the old Dalton Trumbo book, "Johnny Got His Gun," published in 1939 and seen as leftist pacifist propaganda, which was pulled from re-publication by Trumbo and his publisher after the end of World War II (according to Wikipedia).

"Johnny Got His Gun" was the story of Joe Bonham, a young soldier serving in World War I, who wakes in the hospital after an explosion. He gradually realizes that he has lost all of his mobility and his senses except for touch — he has lost his arms, legs, eyes, nose, ears, tongue, both jaws and all of his face — but that his mind functions perfectly, leaving him a prisoner in his own body.

It's been a ong time since I read "Johnny Got His Gun," but what I remember of it was that he tries to communicate, but has no ability to and everybody ignores him except for one nurse who senses that there is someone inside there. He can hear but she doesn't know it. But she talks to him anyway, and he finally finds a way to communicate--I think he bumps his head trying to tap out Morse Code. What he wants is to be on display so that people can see up close and personal the horrors of war, but he is a governmental embarrassment and he is moved into a darkened, locked room, and given only the minimum care, his sympathetic nurse being assigned elsewhere.

It's a very disturbing book. The guy, like the patient in the House episode, can't even kill himself because he is completely trapped inside a non-responsive body.

For someone, like me, with claustrophobia, it's terrifying the think about being inside a body, completely aware of all that is going on around you, everything that is said to you and about you, but unable to communicate at all, unable to make the slightest movement.

I thought about that when we were visiting Walt's mother in the hospital, and listening to what she was saying. She does get somewhat delusional when she's in the hospital. She sometimes sees things that aren't there (or...having watched Touched by an Angel enough, maybe she sees things that ARE there and that we just can't see!). She can't really see much, though she can see some things. She kind of goes in and out of understanding that she is in a hospital, not the Assisted Living facility. In one sentence you first think she understands that it's a hospital, but then she'll ask you to "run upstairs" and get something out of the apartment for her.

I'm trying to imagine what it must be like to be 95, to be scared (I can't imagine she's not scared), not to recognize where you are, to be unable to find a visual focal point to ground you and help you understand that no, Norm is not going to come and visit you today, and that no, you can't just get into the wheelchair and go to the dining hall, because it's far away from where you are.

At one point she was saying that she never imagined that it would take this long to die, but on the other hand if you ask her if she's ready to go, she says that she is not. She talks about how she will never leave the hospital this time, and then in the next breath asks to go home.

It's like being locked in a box and unable to find a way out, unable to understand where you are, unable to really say what you are thinking to the people around you. And yet you have to hand it to this lady. She was widowed at 43, with three children to raise, and she did it very well. She's traveled all over the world (though can't remember most of her travels now, she says). She's seen all three of her children grow up to be adults of whom anyone would be proud. She's seen all of her grandchildren married and she has held a great grandchild. She is endlessly interested in politics and sports and even if she can't see a golf tournament she listens to it.

I'm sorry that she is going through such a rough stretch, but very impressed with how she has lived her life and how she is handling this end of life period. She could die soon, or she might live to celebrate her 100th birthday. She has been such a fighter all of her life that I'm still planning on making her 100th birthday cake!

LESTER. Tot has a new name, Lester, following a Sykes family tradition of giving female dogs male names (actually we've only done it once. After our first dog, Ho Chi Mutt died, leaving behind the puppy Jeff (Mutt and Jeff), we started looking ahead to our next pair of dog names and decided to go with Seymour and Schwenk (the middle names of Gilbert & Sullivan). We decided if you only had one of the pair, Seymour was a better name than Schwenk. But when we went to the animal shelter, we all fell in love with a female puppy. Walt agreed to let us adopt her, but insisted we were going to stay with the original name. So we had a girl named Seymour for 12 years and never did name a dog Schwenk.

Jeri and Phil wanted to name a dog after Red Sox baseball pitcher Jon Lester, who has survived cancer, and whom they find an inspiration. And so their new dog, whom Walt will transport to Boston perhaps next month, is going to be named Lester.

I'm still enamored with this puppy. She is so well behaved and is so good with the other puppies, though she is three times their size. I think she will have a long and happy life in Boston--and will have a great relationship with Jeri and Phil.

Ashley received the report on the autopsy of Diana: "Diana's heart was very very enlarged. She likely had a congenital heart defect from birth. Puppies like this don't die right away, but as they grow and need more oxygen they get worse. All the sudden she stopped being able to use her limbs -- which I interpreted as neurological from the medication, but it was actually because she was not getting enough oxygen so her body redirected her available oxygen to her vital organs. I held her a lot in the end, so hopefully that made her feel better. and her brothers and sister cuddled her a lot too."

FYI: I don't know what is going to happen with entries for the next several days. I am reviewing a show in Sacramento tomorrow night and then driving from Sacramento to San Rafael (probably arriving around 1 or 2 a.m.) so I can take my mother to the hospital first thing in the morning. I will be there at her house most of the week, since she can't drive and has doctor's appointments every other day. The problem is that there is no longer any internet connection at her house, so I will be posting whenever I get out and look for the nearest wi fi hot spot each day.

Jack

OK. I lied. I said that I wouldn't have three puppy entries in a row. But technically speaking this isn't a puppy entry...it's a baby with puppy entry.

The highlight of today was Jack's visit.

Jack is the son of our friend Jessica and is a couple of weeks older than Brianna, so he's always a good indicator of where she is in her development. Jessica had asked if she could bring him by to meet the puppies and, really, what is cuter than babies and puppies!

Jack had brought a ball for the puppies, as a gift, but there seemed to be some misunderstanding as to who was supposed to keep control of the ball. Much shrieking ensued, but they all played together nicely otherwise.

It was a little overwhelming to have FOUR dogs sniffing Jack, so I put Lizzie and Sheila outside.

Lizzie, of course, put on a good show for the entire time Jack was here, leaping high in the air (which Jack thought was the funniest thing ever). Of course after watching this for awhile, Tater decided that she should try it as well.

I think Jessica liked the puppies more than Jack, who seemed more interested in a container of baby powder he found.

Jessica and I decided that one of these puppies would be the perfect dog for Jeri and Phil, who have been looking for a dog for over a year now. We started sending both Jeri and Phil pix and video on their cell phones. We even promised Walt would fly back to Boston with the puppy. Phil was intrigued, but it's looking more like they've decided to go with an older dog, perhaps one not quite so big (though originally they were looking for a bigger dog).

The puppies have started using the treadmill as a jungle gym and Jack also thought it was just great to climb all over it and have the puppies follow him.

It was really fun having Jack in the house and fun watching him with the puppies. They will all grow up all too quickly!

Me too!

Lizzie is the most jealous dog. You can't do anything with anybody or anything that Lizzie doesn't want to be a part of it. When we have our morning "love in," she's very coy about it, but she definitely noses Sheila out of the way so she can get the most love. If Walt comes to talk to me, she has to get between us.

With puppies and older foster dogs, she's funny. She seems to enjoy playing, when she wants to, but she's also extremely territorial.

There was a time when she was very motherly with puppies, as this picture with the Rainbow puppies, 2 years ago, shows.

But we've probably had too much for her and the novelty has worn off.

Yesterday the puppies were in the family room and Lizzie ran into the living room to get a squeak toy that I don't think she's played with in weeks. She brought it into the family room, plopped herself down on the dog bed and began to squeak it furiously, as if daring the puppies to try to take it away from her.

If they even looked in her direction, she growled at them. Then she actually rolled around on the toy on her back, making it squeak and again, daring the puppies to try and take it away from her.

But Tater proved that if you wait long enough, it's finally your turn!

The puppies seem to have settled back in here very well and they remember (perhaps) how they enjoyed sleeping on my lap. It's just a bit more awkward since they've gained more than 10 lbs in their absence!!!

The Return of Tater and Tot

Yes! They're back. We waited down at the SPCA thrift store for 45 minutes this afternoon (bad idea...I shopped in the used book section while waiting!) until they were finally delivered. It was so good to see them again. And how they've grown!

This is what they looked like when they left

This is what they look like now.

Tot is still smaller than Tater (and darker), but they have definitely grown!!!

Tot has the Sheila ear thing going now.

And Tater, who once learned how to get through the dog door is trying to remember how she used to do it.

They used to curl up on Walt's chest, under his chin.

Probably not going to happen now.

Tot's favorite place to be was usually curled up behind my neck.

And she still thinks she can do it.

Not sure how long they'll be here. They are going in to be spayed this week and I guess they will be coming back. They continue to be very mellow puppies and I hope that they find forever homes soon because they are real cuties!

Big Steps

Tater and Tot are "growin' like Topsy." Tater, who was almost 2 lbs when she got here, is now 2 lb 15-1/2 oz. Tot is 1 lb 15 oz, but the size difference between her and her sister is less than it was when she arrived. She's gaining on Tater.

Tot's one problem was that she has been very congested almost since day #1. Ashley suggested that I give her a steam treatment, so I put the puppies in a laundry basket in the guest bathroom, with a steaming pot for a couple of hours two days in a row and it seemed to really make all the difference for her. Not only did she stop sounding so congested, but she also started eating more.

(Fortunately we had no guests visit us during this time, because I'm sure they would have wondered about the teapot looking pot in the bathroom! I was thinking of adding a cup and an assortment of teas!)

Today they had their first big "outing." I took them out to the back yard around noon, when the sun had been out for awhile and it wasn't so cold. Tater has learned how to follow me. I'm always surprised at how fast she is when I walk away from her and find her right with me. Tot hasn't figured that out yet. She got separated from us by a couple of feet and didn't know what to do. It was so cute to watch Tater go over to her sister and really kind of guide her in the right direction to find me. I was quite impressed.

I have been thinking that now that they are about 3 weeks old, it's time to think about starting them on some solid food. Tater is so huge that I was sure she was more than ready for it. Ashley said she would pick up some puppy food that I could start moistening to try the puppies on.

At their next feeding, I let them out to run around the house while I fixed their bottle. Suddenly I looked down at Tater and this was what I saw:

She had found the self-feeder that I have set up for Nicki and she dove into that thing and loved it. I think the decision about whether she's ready for solid food or not was solved by Tater herself! Tot, when I put her near the bowl later in the afternoon, didn't have a clue what to do with solid food.

As for Ms. Nicki, I want everybody reading this to think extra good thoughts tomorrow. She has a family coming to meet her and if she gets along with their dog and if, after they go home and think about it, they decide she's a good fit, she may finally find herself a forever home.

I love that little girl, but it's time for her to move on, while she's still cute and as cuddily as she is capable of being.

Ever since she came back from Ashley's she's been acting more like a normal dog. When the puppies first arrived, she didn't seem to even know they were here, but now she's very intrigued with them. In the above photo, she's checking out Tot.

Failings

Our "doggie apartment" has become a doggie multiplex. I called Ashley this morning about a lost pomeranian someone had found and she said that she was just about to call me. It seems that her brain-damaged dog, Jessie, had reached tolerance with Nicki and it was becoming clear that Nicki had to leave. Of course I said we would take her back. So Nicki has moved back into the lower apartment and while I had intended to move Tater and Tot to the playpen, now that Nicki is here and I will be leaving the back door open again, and the temps are in the 40s, I decided the puppies needed to stay on a heating pad for awhile longer.

As for the pomeranian, Ashley checked him for a microchip and there was none and the woman who found him decided to keep him, hoping that someone would put up a lost dog poster. Ashley thought she had seen him at adoption with another group and thought he had been newly adopted. I didn't follow most of the conversation, because Tater and Tot decided to choose that moment to be starving (check the video of the day to see what Tot is like when she's hungry!), Lizzie and Sheila only wanted to jump at the pomeranian, who was being held by the woman, and since it wasn't going to concern my hosting the pomeranian, I just put Sheila on a leash to keep her from jumping, heated up a bottle and settled in to feed the puppies.

This does seem somewhat like Doggie Central today.

I thought about this house a lot when the pomeranian lady was here, how my inability to get and keep a neat and tidy home has changed my whole view of what life was going to be like after I was married.

We moved here from Berkeley in 1973 with 50 other families who all worked in the same office, which was being moved to Davis. Those people formed a social circle on the other side of town. They did things together, they had dinner parties, etc. We never did any of that. I was always embarrassed to invite anyone here to dinner...and Walt was, I'm sure, embarrassed to have co-workers see our house.

When I was growing up, Karen and I could never have friends come to visit because of my father and so we always had to go to other people's houses to hang out. Our house was going to be different, I promised myself before we had kids. I wanted to be the house where our kids and their friends hung out. But the only group who ever hung out here were the foreign students from the high school who were friends with our Brasilian student. This became kind of a meeting place for them after school every day for a year, but our own kids were off at other people's homes, homes that were neater, that had better "stuff" to play with (or a pool).

Occasionally I have invited friends to dinner, but it means going through a mid-year Mom's Christmas Crisis to do it and I'm always aware of the stuff that is piled in corners and the dust bunnies I've missed. So over the years I just stopped inviting friends to dinner, and consequently we rarely get invited to dinner, so the "let's drop around for coffee" groups I had hoped to find when we had our own home in a small town, never came to be.

I meet people at the door and stand there talking to them, trying to hold Lizzie and Sheila back from jumping at them, rather than invite them in because I'm mentally doing an assessment of just how bad the house may be at the moment. I finally threw up my hands and gave Ashley a key to the house because it was just easier for both of us. She hasn't run screaming into the night yet...and she gets to go upstairs too!

It seems like my whole life, and probably my relationship with our kids (it's no surprise that Tom always comes to town and stays with friends instead of here and my mother stays with my cousin when she comes to the area) has all been shaped by the one huge failing in my life -- I never learned how to organize, clean, or keep a house orderly. The older I get the more difficult it gets to even start because the greater the accumulation of the years becomes.

Of course, when it comes to people like Pomeranian Lady, the up side is that I don't care any more. I figure I gave her some nice horror story to go home and tell her kids.

And the dogs don't care what kind of housekeeper I am. As long as I feed them and love them, they seem to be perfectly happy. That is something, at least.

People Can Be Aggravating

It's a good thing the Acme Theatre Company's production of Macbeth was a good one because it kind of softened what I intended to write for this entry. But the quality of the production doesn't alter the fact that people can be damn aggravating!

The show was scheduled to begin at 7:30 and we arrived at the theatre about the time we usually do for a 7:30 show--7:20. The line stretched from the box office out almost as far as the street. This is extremely unusual for an Acme show.

(Acme is the teen age theatre company.)

I knew that they had planned to seat the audience, not in the 380 seat house, but on the stage, in a U around the action, which would make it more intimate and also significantly reduce the number of available seats. But the line inside the theatre had disappeared and the line at the box office was just people waiting to get tickets.

Curtain was supposed to be 7:30 but by 7:40, there was still a long line for tickets.

Finally someone came out and announced that they were sold out and they would only be giving tickets to people who already had confirmed seats for this evening's performance, so he asked people who had confirmed tickets to come to the front of the line and said they would sell tickets for other performances to people who didn't have confirmed reservations yet.

A few people moved to the back of the line. Two groups stayed in front of us. The first group got their tickets and after the tickets were handed, the girl said "should I write you a check?" THEN she took her checkbook out of her purse and asked "Should I make it out to Acme?" and then started to ask how to spell Acme. Good grief! Did she not realize that she was going to have to pay for the tickets? Couldn't she have had her checkbook in her hand and looked at all the signs around which had the 4-letter word "acme" on them?

Sigh.

Then the people in front of us stepped up. They did not have confirmed reservations and seemed miffed that they couldn't buy tickets. Were they not listening to the announcement that had been made not 5 minutes before? Instead of moving out of the way so those of us who had confirmed reservations could get our tickets, they decided to argue about it.

I hate people who pull rank, but I finally got out of line and caught the guy who had made the announcement and asked if he wanted a review of this show or not. Turned out they had saved prime seats for us (in fact, some folks in front of us told us we couldn't sit there, but I told them they were our seats). I don't know what happened with all the other people waiting in line or whether the people in front of us ever got their tickets, but what is it with people?

Of course this could have been alleviated somewhat if Acme had a pick-up window and a pay-tonight window, but this is probably the first time they have ever sold out so I'm sure nobody even thought of that.

---

Our puppy hotel is doing very well. This is what the setup looks like. The bottom is our "guest suite," for whenever Nicki or some other dogs needs an overnight home. You can see Tater sleeping in the top. There is a heating pad that runs under that cage with a rug, a towel, and a sheet over it. It doesn't make is very hot, but keeps the puppies warm on these very cold nights.

The red blanket usually comes down over the front of the cage to keep the warmth in (and, now that they are more alert, to keep them from noticing if I'm walking around near the cage!)

The only problem with this set up is that the blanket traps in the urine scent so it generally smells pretty gross unless you change the bedding several times a day (which I don't). They will soon be OK to move to the playpen, where there will be no heating pad and the top will be open, so it will smell better.

They are growing by leaps and bounds. Tater, who came here weighing 1 lb 6 oz is now nearly 2-1/2 lbs. She's going to be a huge dog, I suspect.

Her sister is literally half her size. She was 14 oz when she got here and is now about 1 lb 2 oz. But she's gaining weight, so I'm not worried about her.

I mix up 1/4 cup of formula with 1/2 cup of water for each feeding. It fills a 5 oz bottle. Tater drinks 2/3 of it and, at a good feeding, Tot finishes the rest. Or if it's not a good feeding. Tot will take half of the rest by bottle and I'll syringe feed her as much of the rest of it as I can.

It's really ironic that I'm making bottles for these puppies. My kids never had bottles and so when I had to go out looking for a smaller nipple for Tot, it was a whole new world for me!

They sure are cute, though. Nicki was here today for an hour or so while Ashley went off to breakfast and I noticed that at nearly 3 weeks of age, Tater makes better eye contact than 6 mo. old Nicki has ever done.

Tater Tot

More accurately...

Tater

and

Tot

Yes, we're back in the puppy business, after such a brief hiatus. Ashley was here yesterday bringing Nicki for a visit and shortly after she returned home, I got an e-mail from her saying someone was looking for someone to bottle-feed puppies.

Well...duhhh.

Apparently there was a family somewhere in Sacramento whose dogs had four puppies. The mother and 2 of the pups died at birth. The family's house was being forclosed and the bank gave them something like 7 days to get out. They were illegal aliens, so they just packed up and left, leaving the puppies on a neighbor's porch with a note. The neighbor had been bottle feeding them, but was "at the end of her resources energywise & otherwise," so her friend contacted Ashley.

She brought the puppies here by taxi and dropped them off with a couple of bottles, and a big container of puppy formula and then was gone in a flash. She told me about some difficulties with feeding, especially the smaller one (whose ribs could be felt through her skin when you held her and who was significantly smaller than her sister).

I didn't know what to name them and mentioned in Facebook that they looked like "furry potatoes." Then I went upstairs to take a shower. By the time I got back downstairs, there were several suggestions for names, including one from the Yolo County Recorder, who suggested Ore and Ida. Someone said "Tater" would be a good name for one of them, and building on that, Marta suggested Tater and Tot, which was actually something I had thought of myself. (Marta also suggested Latke & Pancake and Hash & Brown, Funk & Wagnall and Drooper & Snork)

So they became Tater and Tot. Tater came here weighing 1 lb 15 oz and after breakfast this morning she weighed 2 lbs. Tot was 14-1/2 oz when she got here and is 1 lb now, so I guess they are eating OK.

Tater takes a bottle very well, which is strange for me because I've never given a puppy a bottle before. Tot isn't so sure about the bottle, but the old finger/syringe method works great for her.

In fact she finished off what I had for her this evening so fast that I was sorry I hadn't made more. Even in this short a period of time, her ribs are not as prominent any more.

One thing about these guys, they are definitely not in danger of squeezing through the bars of the cage.

They are shepherd pit bull mixes (of course) and are 2 weeks old, so their eyes are opened and they are starting to teethe. They are also more mobile than Poochini and Tosca were and are crawling all over the cage, as they change position in their sleep.

I have a good feeling about these two, which I didn't have about Poochini and Tosca. I think they will grow up and be ready to be adopted in a few weeks. They are certainly very easy to feed, especially Tater.

We have settled into a feeding routine around here, over several litters of puppies, with Walt holding the un-fed puppy while I feed the first one, then he puts the first one back and gives me the second one. The poodles were really too small to do that, but Tater and Tot are nice "cuddling size" and so we have settled back into the old routine once again.