The Day Itself

Well, we had a "thanksgiving" after all. 

It was a low key day, which started with watching all of the Thankgiving parade, for the first time in forever.

After that, I watched the dog show, which I look forward to each year.

Best in show this year was the Whippet, but my favorite part(s) of the show were first, the youngest person to show a dog:

And this judge -- I never did figure out exactly what she was wearing.

When that was over, I received an email from Brianna -- actually from HER school email address -- with a power point presentation about our book club.  Then she called to face time me and we had a discussion about the book we had just read, "Holes."  Nobody else in the book club participated, but we had a nice discussion and decided that our next book would be "Bridge to Terabithia," which is less than 200 pages and I think I can read that today.  We will gather more club members in a couple of weeks when they are here and discuss that.

We had left "dinner" open ended.  If Walt felt OK we would meet Ned and Marta at her parents' house.  Ned said it would be OK if we just came for a short time and I got the impression he would really like us to come.  By late afternoon. Walt was feeling OK, so we decided to go.

I don't know how many people were there, but I didn't recognize most of them, and of course my shyness went into overdrive.  But then some were playing a fun game called Hedbanz where you put a card of something on a band around your head and then try to figure out who you are by asking questions of the others.  It was fun watching them. Ned was having a great time playing, especially with one little girl.

I was looking at Marta's step-mom's award wall.  She raises and shows Chows and the are all big dog show winners.  I'd known that for a long time, but even I was surprised to see how many she had shown over the years.  She just lost Bronwin, the dog on the far right with the long list of awards under him.  I know he was very special to her.

There were so many guests that we were seated at three tables for dinner.

(that's Marta's stepmother at the head of the table)

(The third table was in another room and I didn't get a photo of that)

Everything was delicious, but Walt was starting to feel uncomfortable so we ended up coming home before pumpkin pie.  I might have pressed to stay just until dessert, but I knew we had a pie here at home that I had baked the night before for just this eventuality, so we had dessert at home.  We were home before Jeopardy and I spent the night watching things that had been recorded on our DVR.

It wasn't like those Thanksgiving days of old, but we had a good couple of days and I'm still so happy we were able to share it with my mother on Wednesday in a way that made her comfortable.

The Last Thanksgiving?

They called at 5 a.m.  She had fallen, but had gotten herself back into bed.  They wanted to call the EMTs but she said no and that she would only go to the hospital if I wanted her to.  I told them to leave her alone.  She was angry the last time they sent her to the hospital and asked me why I didn't tell them to forget it.  She is a DNR and she is not happy in her life right now, so as I write this, she is at her apartment in bed and I don't know what is going to happen.

Every year, I refuse offers to go to Marta's family for holiday dinners because I want to spend the holiday with my mother because I don't know when it is going to be her last holiday.  Will this be the year?

I don't know if she will be alive next Thanksgiving, but we won't try to do any celebration.  This was not a good day.

It started in the morning, trying to clean up a bit.  I got myself in a snit when I couldn't get the hand-held vacuum cleaner to work.  Lizzie knew I was upset and, being a wonderful comfort dog, just stood by me.  Wherever I went.  I appreciated her concern, but I wanted to kick her out of the way.  I did not.  Good me.

Ned and Marta picked my mother up around 1 and brought her over here.  The dogs were locked outside, but I finally let them in and amazingly. Ned has finally won Polly over.  She barked and barked but once he picked her up, she was fine.

My mother has always been a dog person and once she started feeding peanuts to the dogs, they both loved her.

In fact Polly became her best friend.

I was, however, concerned about how many nuts my mother ate.  I thought she would not have an appetite for dinner.

Things went downhill when Ned and Marta left.  I had planned to give her the job of taking the ends off the green beans, but it was so late and the turkey cooked too soon (from Facebook comments, it seems that everyone had that problem this year!) so I just got them into the oven myself while my mother wandered around the family room commenting that I "had a lot of stuff" (no kidding!).

She kind of just wandered, opening anything she found -- mail, a jewelry box, a pouch with toiletries in it.  When I got up to get dishes on the table, she picked up a banana and started eating it.  When I told her we were about to eat dinner, she closed up the banana, then opened it again and said someone had been eating it, and then sat there while I put food on the table and munched the banana.

I was convinced she wasn't going to eat anything after all the nuts and the banana, but she ate everything and even had seconds on turkey.

When dinner was over, she said she had to lie down and complained of chest pains, which she says she's had all week, but when she got up, it was her back that was killing her and she tried lying down but was still uncomfortable.  She was also too warm and got up to open the door to the back yard (which is very tricky) and would not let me help her even though she could barely move because her back was hurting so much.

She hobbled down the hall to the bathroom, locked the door and couldn't figure out how to get out so had to knock on the door to get us to help her.  She could barely move but insisted on "doing the dishes" but I told her we were going to take her home and said "OK, but leave the dishes and I'll do them tomorrow."

Mostly she looked miserable all evening and didn't know why she was there.  When she first arrived she said she was just going to sit down until she figured out what was going on.  I'm not sure she ever understood, but except for interacting with Ned an the dogs she looked (and acted) miserable all evening.  I decided I'd done the dinner more for me than for her and I'm now not quite sure how to handle Christmas.

We got her into the car and got someone from the memory unit to bring a wheelchair to take her to her room.  I had gone inside to arrange for the wheelchair while Walt waited in the car for her.  When she came through the door and saw me she was THRILLED.  She wondered where I'd been and why she hadn't seen me in such a long time

Sigh.

Happy Thanksgiving

So the day is here.  I have been awake since about 4:30 going over what needs to be done today.  It's pretty straight forward.  I need to get the pie(s) in the oven first, then put the turkey in around noon.  Ned and Marta are going to pick up my mother and bring her here to visit for a couple of hours until it's time for them to go off to Marta's parents' house for dinner.  We'll have our dinner, return my mother to Atria, and then go to Marta's parents' house for a second dessert.

I'm going to make the traditional green bean casserole that I don't like, but Walt does.  I figure it will be a great thing to give my mother to do--take the ends off of the green beans.  She needs a job and that should be perfect -- easy, time consuming and I hope she doesn't forget halfway through the job what she's supposed to do!

I tried to get things organized yesterday.  Not much "organizing" to do when there are only 3 people and no complicated things to prepare, but I am trying some new things, like Geoffrey Zacharian's guide to make sure the turkey is dry before putting it in the oven.  He recommends putting it in the fridge, uncovered, for 24 hours.  So I've done that.  I brined a turkey for the first time last Thanksgiving and couldn't really tell the difference from un-brined so we'll see how GZ's recommendation works.

I'm also NOT going to stuff the turkey, but am going to make dressing in the crock pot.  Since this is the part of the meal I am most picky about I hope it works.  I read several recipes for doing it and will make my own, based on everyone's suggestions.  It certainly makes removing the dressing to a serving plate easier than scooping it out of the body of the bird.

And then there will be Jeff Mauro's sinfully rich mashed potatoes, with cream cheese, butter and half and half.  Oh, and potatoes too.

A good idea, but here are a few things on my "thankful list."

* Of course #1 is the family and how much I love our relationships with each other
* Especially Walt, who works so hard around here and how much I appreciate him
* (I love him too!)
* The dogs who entertain us nightly
* Having a warm home to live in on these cold days
* Being able to see so many theatrical programs
* Having the good fortune to be paid to write
* All of my "extended family," the Compassion children around the world
* Char, my best friend, without whom my life would be very blank
* All of my other friends, close and casual
* My mother's health and the good care she is getting now
* Books.  And more books
* Having Brianna and Lacie to write to
* Everybody who has read Airy Persiflage through the years.  I love you all.

Sex and Turkeys

You can't turn on any news program without hearing about sex.  It is disheartening to hear what goes on with such beloved icons as Charlie Rose or Kevin Spacey.  There must be soul-searching all over Congress....surely a good percentage of those high and mighty representatives have some hanky panky in their history and now that women, after so long, are being believed they are tentatively coming forward and the stories are slowly coming out.

It appears the only person who does not believe the women is #45, who says Moore says he didn't do it and he must be believed.  BS.

But I'm having such a difficult time about Al Franken.  I was heartsick to hear the accusation against him and waited to hear more women come forth.  While waiting I examined the lewd photo and, as a photographer, I looked at it closely and saw that his hands are hovering over her breasts, they are not on her breasts, which I found reassuring. I also realized that they were on a comedy tour and the kiss, while stupid and ill-advised didn't rise to the level of dating teenagers, or grabbing pussies, or rape or any of the other accusations that have come up about other big names.

So the jury is out on my opinion of Al Franken, who has obviously lost his opportunity to run for president (though if #45 is any indication, sexual misconduct isn't an automatic show stopper), but I felt better when I read that 36 women involved in Saturday Night Live, whether stars or production people signed a statement which reads, in part,

What Al did was stupid and foolish, and we think it was appropriate for him to apologize to Ms Tweeden, and to the public. In our experience, we know Al as a devoted and dedicated family man, a wonderful comedic performer, and an honorable public servant.

A second accuser has now come forth, saying that he grabbed her butt while they posed for a photo.  And I don't excuse that.  Again, how stupid can you be....but at the time he made his living as a comedian and it was something funny to do in an age where nobody gave it a second thought.

If nothing else does it rise to the level of the other men who have been accused of everything from pedophilia or rape?

There is a very thought-provoking article written by feminist S. Novi who is also having difficulties knowing what to think of Franken.  I really encourage people to read it.  She doesn't excuse anything that he has been accused of doing, but offers another way to look at it.

Let me say right up front that as a woman and a life-long feminist, I absolutely support women coming forward when there have been sexual assaults or abuse. There has been a history of demeaning women in both the courtroom and life so that most refused to put themselves through the process and simply remained quiet. However, this situation is quite a bit different and it requires that we step back and view this with a lens of logic. The fact is that Franken doesn’t have a history of demeaning women, in fact it is the opposite.

I had a disagreement yesterday with someone with whom I have been in agreement about politics for years.  She is adamant that Franken is a disgusting human being and she wants nothing more to do with him.  When I pointed out the photos of the woman grabbing a guy's butt on the same tour, she snapped "Oh...so now they are slut-shaming."  I don't consider her a slut, nor do I 100% consider Franken on a par with the other molesters who have been accused.  I consider this a comedy tour where bawdy things are commonplace.

In her defense, she is running this through a colleague she respected, who turned out to have a hidden history that included sexual misconduct.  I can't be that black and white.  I don't in any way condone the actions of which Franken has been accused, but I just can't write him off.  

I wait and watch and see where it all goes from here.  I will be very disappointed if a legion of other women come out with new accusations.

In the meantime I am nothing but disgusted by the sexual abuser in the White House, who seems to prefer to support a pedophile for Senate than risk the election of a Democrat.  But then he disgusts me on most days, so why is today different from any other day?

But speaking of turkeys.....

Yesterday I did my big Thanksgiving shopping and enjoyed the choices I had for the main course.

Since there will only be 3 of us for dinner (assuming we can convince my mother to come out to the house), I looked for a smaller turkey, remembering the time I cooked a 31 lb turkey for 24 people.  I managed to find an 18 lb turkey and will be brining it today.  

With only 3 of us, and planning a very simple menu, I was surprised to see that the tag come to $177.  But I hope I have everything and though I have successfully cooked Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners for 50 years and though our only guest will be my mother, I find I am still nervous about getting it all right.

Happy Thanksgiving all!!!!

Sunday Stealing

Welcome back to Sunday Stealing which originated on WTIT: The Blog authored by Bud Weiser. Here we will steal all types of questions from every corner of the blogosphere. Our promise to you is that we will work hard to find the most interesting and intelligent questions. You may have heard the expression, “honor among thieves”. In that age-old tradition, we try to credit the blog that we stole it from, if possible. We also provide a link to the victim's questions in our "Previous Victims" widget. (It's our way of saying "Thanks!") Sometimes we edit the original meme, to make it more relevant to our global players, to challenge our players, to select the best questions, or simply to make it less repetitive from recently asked questions from a previously post. Cheers to all of us thieves!

 With Thanksgiving coming up this week, I thought it might be fun to find a set of Thanksgiving-related questions.  This came from a site called Documented Legacy
 
1.  What made you feel patriotic this year?
The women's march the day after the inauguration and seeing the crowd that easily outnumbered his.

2 . What do you value most about your life?
My relationship with our kids and how close our family is -- no arguments when we get together!

3.  What do you appreciate about your friendships?
There is something wonderful about a long-term friendship that has lasted 50 years or more.  You know each other's lives, their family and you can go months without seeing each other, but then step back as if you just saw each other yesterday.

4.  Name one person who can make you laugh, even months later. Why?
The grandkids.  Kids can always bring a smile to your face even months later.

5.  What is the funniest thing you remember about a Thanksgiving past?
Watching Walt's mother playing charades, when she was alive.  Never ever being able to give a clue silently! (We always liked giving her the hardest clues for that reason!)

6.  Do you have any unusual traditions, rituals or habits around Thanksgiving?
These days, no.  In the days when we went to Lake Tahoe every Thanksgiving, we loved playing games and especially charades after dinner.  Also, Tom's annual baked Alaska.  I miss those days.

7.  Name one ancestor that you think about on Thanksgiving and tell us why.
My godfather, Fred West, who brought a 2 lb box of See's candy each year at Thanksgiving and Christmas.  We looked forward to that.

8.  Is there a family heirloom at the Thanksgiving table? What is its story?
Not any more, but in the Tahoe days we had this ragged old paper turkey that we bought for the first Thanksgiving there, and we brought out every year, as it got more and more ragged and required more and more Scotch tape to hold it together.

9.  What is your favorite part about Thanksgiving Day?
Getting up in the middle of the night and sneaking leftover stuffing or pumpkin pie!

10. What random act of kindness did you perform or that was done to you this year that makes you feel grateful?
I suppose this could come under a random act of kindness.  We hosted a young vet student from Guernsey while she was taking a course at the university.  Her mother had stayed for 3 weeks with us when she was her daughter's age.  We were younger and had more stamina then, but I think Caroline had a good time here.

11. What do you appreciate about the change of seasons?
I am always a much happier person when the summer temps are finally gone.  And I love the fall color, even though we don't get a lot of it here.

12. Name five things that make you happy about today.
* A good visit with my mother (the Klonopin must be working!)
* #45 decided to reverse the decision lift the ban on killing big game animals in Africa, until he has a chance to "study it."  Signing those petitions HELPED!!!
* Fun production of The Wizard of Oz at the Winters Community Theater
* Free champagne and cheesecake before the show
* Nothing on the calendar for the rest of the day

13. How has the celebration of Thanksgiving today changed from when you were little?
For all the years of my childhood, we had dinner at our house, and the family all came there. 

(my sister took the picture)

 
After Jeri was born, the dinner moved to Walt's and my house and I enjoyed being the hostess, then we started going to Tahoe until David died.  

dinner at Tahoe, 1990

Now we have lost all tradition.  With the family spread out, there is no logical place to get us all together and the older my mother gets, the more I feel the need to celebrate what might be her last holiday, so I have dinner with her, and others either come or not, but she's not comfortable in crowds.

Thanksgiving 2016

14. If you could share Thanksgiving dinner today with one person in history who would it be? Why? (Note: it can be a relative)
Wampanoag chief Massasoit. He was at the very first Thanksgiving and I'd like to hear how that compares with today.

15. What is one wish you have for the next generation as they begin to establish their own Thanksgiving traditions.
I think our kids have good memories of Thanksgivings past.  I hope they are now establishing their own traditions, especially Tom and Laurel so that when the grandchildren grow up they will have fond memories of their Thanksgivings.

Thanksgiving

You'd think someone who has cooked as many turkey dinners as I have over the years (both Thanksgiving and Christmas for as many as 24 people) would have no qualms about cooking a turkey dinner for three people, but I woke up at 6 to get potatoes into the slow cooker (new recipe) and then sat here checking and rechecking recipes for the three other dishes for the meal -- turkey, stuffing, and Brussels sprouts.

I decided I'd do a cheesecloth wrapped turkey (how can you go wrong with a turkey wrapped in melted butter soaked cheesecloth?) and instead of stuffing the bird, do a dressing, where I just cook it in the oven.  I had bookmarked all three recipes (Brussels sprouts, which I have only cooked once before, with pomegranate seeds) but then my computer rebooted itself and I lost the recipes.

So I spent a good deal of time searching the internet for the recipes I had decided on.  I got them all printed, but even at that I would be changing them as I cooked.  I had decided on a dressing (i.e., not cooked in the bird) with sage sausage -- I never have used sausage before.  My mother always used turkey innards to flavor the stuffing, but I've never done that, so this would be an experiment.  I also discovered  that I had no onions.  I ALWAYS have onions.  I didn't want to go to the store (if I could find one open), and decided I'd be nice to Walt (who hates onions) for once and cook without an onion.  There would be chopped apple and celery and then dried cranberries and toasted almonds (not in the recipe, but something my mother always used).

Around 11 Ned and Marta stopped by on their way to Marta's parents' house for dinner  We had a nice visit and then they went over to visit Grandma.  About half an hour or so later, it was time to get my mother, but I was at a point where I couldn't leave the kitchen, so I sent Walt.  He told me later that Ned was a gem.  My mother had decided she didn't feel like coming, but Ned is not to be denied.  He told her what a good time she would have got a coat and put it on her, and then guided her out to the car.  I didn't know any of that until after we had taken her home again.  She was, of course, confused about where she was and asked me many times if this was my house.

Walt made her a vodka tonic, her first in a very long time (she used to have one every night).

I sat there and said to her "You know how you're always telling me you want to get rid of all the crap in your house?"  She nodded affirmation.  Then I said "Well...look at this" and indicated the crap around the chair where she was sitting.

She told me that obviously she had not done a good job teaching me how to clean house.  We laughed.  She also tried making friends with the dogs.  Lizzie loved it, Polly was having none of it and stood in the hall barking.

She helped me carry dishes to the table, but instead of coming back to get another dish, she took her own dish and started filling her plate, and in the process knocked over my wine glass.  I don't think she even realized she had broken it. I kicked myself for putting out my godmother's good crystal (which I acquired when my mother moved to Atria) because I loved the glasses and now only have 3 left.  But that was my fault, not hers.

Everything  turned out fine, though there was too much, which, of course, was the whole point of cooking myself--leftovers!.  I also was disappointed that I had chosen dressing instead of stuffing and next time will stuff the turkey again.  Dressing is too dry and crispy.  Stuffing is wet and soggy and perfect when added to the dressing that doesn't fit in the turkey to make the perfect combination.

I was also a little disappointed in the Brussels sprouts.  They were good, but not as good as I had hoped.

But she ate it all and had a piece of pie...and two glasses of wine.  While Walt and I cleared the table, she finally made friends with Polly.  Sort of.

She was really tired when we took her home and was probably going to go right to sleep...I would too, if I'd had a vodka tonic and 2 glasses of wine!

It was really a nice Thanksgiving.  And after we got home from Atria, we had calls from Jeri and from Tom (and the girls) so we had touched bases with everyone and feel very thankful for a day well spent.

Now I go to sleep, dreaming about the pumpkin pie I'm going to have for breakfast in the morning, and the turkey sandwich I'll have for lunch.

Thanksgiving Eve

On Thanksgiving Eve, as I wait for my pumpkin pie to cool so I can put it in the refrigerator, let me take a few minutes to reflect on the things for which I am grateful this year.  I did this several years ago, but have not done it in a few years.

1. First of all, of course, I am grateful to have long-suffering Walt in my life.  He makes me laugh, drives me to endless stage shows, carries more than his share of the load around here and still loves me anyway.  He's always been a wonderful father and I love the good relationship he has with all the kids.

2. And I am thankful for our kids -- the ones who survived.  I am thankful that we are all friends and all love each other, and that our disagreements are minor.

2a.  I am particularly thankful this year for Ned.  I think about that every time I sit in my beautiful new office.

3.  I am thankful that they each married wonderful people whom I love like my own children.

4. I am thankful for the memories that I have of our dead sons.  That may sound weird, but when they died we had great relationships, and I have so much to look back on for when they were alive.

5.  I am thankful for two beautiful granddaughters, who are growing up much too quickly, but who are both loving little girls.

5. I am thankful for the dogs.  I hate them every time they want me to feed them, but I am thankful that basically they are very good about letting me sleep in the morning and nap in the afternoon.  They might be my "pet" peeves when I am awake, but it could be so much worse.

6. I am thankful that my mother is in a good place that seems to really understand what her problems are and how best to deal with them.  There are times when I get aggravated with Atria, but never for their care of my mother.

7. And I'm grateful that she is still in my life, and despite her dementia, is mostly in a good mood.  I miss the companionship that she used to give me, but I am glad that we can still laugh together.

8. I'm thankful that I've had the opportunity to see so many wonderful shows this year, the good, the bad, and the ugly.  It's worth it all to be sitting in critic seats for Book of Mormon, knowing people have paid $100 for the seats and we get them for free.  It's also wonderful to discover something astounding, like Grounded the show we saw a couple of years ago, which still stands out as absolutely fantastic., and little Lilac Buckser, age 7, who was in one of the Christmas Carols we saw last week.  A real talent in the making and we were there to see her first show!

9.  I am thankful for the friends, near and far who are so important to my life, like the Piñata women, especially Charlotte; my friend Kathy, who is my lunchtime buddy; Joycie, who took her title of "big sister" very seriously back in 1956 and has been my friend ever since; the CompuServe women, all of whom are great friends, even tho we rarely have the opportunity to get together.

10. I'm thankful for the Internet which allows me to make new friends, who then stay in my life for many years, whether we ever meet face to face or not.  And then there are friends like Kimberly, with whom I have been internet friends for a very long time, and whom I met just this month for the first time.

11.  I am thankful that San Francisco is my home town because I love to show it off whenever possible!

12.  I am thankful that I have had the privilege of volunteering at Logos the past 4-5 years, and will be sad when Peter and Susan turn it over to new owners in January because I will stop volunteering then, but it's sure been a great experience.

13.  I am thankful for air conditioning and cooling fans in summer and sweatshirts in winter.

14. And I am thankful for my sponsored family -- Anjali, Brayan, Briana, Fred, and many others, who help me put all of this in perspective and make me realize what a truly blessed life I lead.

15  Finally, believe it or not, I am grateful - sort of - to Donald Trump because he has only been "elect" less than two weeks and already he is showing is devoted followers that he is the liar we've said he is all along.  His promise was that in his first 100 days he would put Hillary Clinton in jail, start building the damn wall, and abolish Obamacare.  Now he seems to be changing his mind about prosecuting Hillary, kinda likes some of Obamacare, thinks maybe human actions might affect climate after all, and in his "first 100 days' there is no mention of the damn wall, which he was going to start on Day 1.  Not only that, but it is costing the American people $1 million a day to take care of Melania and Barron in New York (to say nothing of the congestion in front of Trump Tower) and this is unlikely to end until at least June.

He also said he would put his business in a blind trust and let his kids run it, and now he's saying he can run his business and the country both from the Oval Office.  He'll make billions in the next four years.

So, yeah, I'm almost grateful to him for showing his true colors immediately.  Makes me wonder how much worse it can get, when he hasn't even been inaugurated yet

---

I wish everyone a wonderful Thanksgiving.  We will have a quiet day, just bringing my mother here for an early dinner.  But I will at least have leftovers on Friday.

The Memory Unit

Today we finally had another Big Meeting at Atria, to go over a few points, get a progress update, and tour the memory facility.  Walt and Ned came with me.  It's always comforting to have reinforcements!

The first item was the large statue broken by the workmen during the recent lengthy renovation.  I told them it had no special significance and if there were any sentimental value, my mother no longer remembered it  I would like it thrown out, but just wanted it to be known that I was very upset about how it was handled (or not handled). 

The General Manager wants to replace it.  God no!  We definitely don't need that, but he wants to do something for us, so I suggested he let us all come for Christmas dinner the day or two after Christmas, as Tom et al. will be here.  If Jeri and Phil come it could be as many as 12 people for dinner and he readily agreed.  So we're all good about the broken statue.

They tell me that she has been off the narcotic she was taking for pain for several weeks now, which I'm thrilled about, since she is still having some pain, but nothing like it was for so long.  She's not in agony any more.

They also think she's not ready for the memory unit but that there may be a day when she is.  I asked for a tour. 

I'm not sure what I was expecting.  Maybe something like the convalescent hospital Walt's mother was in before she died where all she had was a bed and a TV and two roommates.  My mother would hate that.

But I was pleasantly surprised.  I expected it to be depressing, but it was not at all. The first thing I noticed about the place was how bright and airy it was.  The community areas are open and inviting (unlike where she is now) and right next to the dining room, so it seems more conducive to social interaction.

It is set up so if someone wants to "wander" they can go outside and the path they follow takes them back inside again.  They can't get out of the locked facility.

(I found these two photos on the internet. They are Atria facilities, but not the Davis facility, but look very similar.)

Residents live in 2-person "suites," which means a shared bathroom in the middle and bedrooms on either side, but otherwise privacy, and room is significantly larger than I expected.  I could see my mother doing well there.  Moving her out of her apartment would necessitate getting rid of lots of the "crap" that bothers her so much (mostly photos) and she could start all over in a pristine environment.

But not yet.  She isn't at that stage yet, they tell me, though they do see her needing to move eventually. A big factor is the cost, which is significantly more than she is paying now.  If we knew how many more rent payments she was going to have to pay in her life, it would be easier to decide what she can afford, but we don't know that.  When she moved in there, I think the rent for the memory unit was something like $6,000 a month and there have been 3 rent raises since then, so lord knows what they pay now.  Her stepson figured, 3 years ago, that she could afford to live at Atria until she was 103.  But if she moves into the memory unit, obviously we'd have to knock her off before that.

After our tour, we went to visit my mother, who was sound asleep at 1:30.  We woke her up and she came to quickly when she knew Ned was there.  He's so good for her and with her!

When we finally left Atria, I went off to the store to buy fixings for Thanksgiving dinner. My heart is only partially in it, since it will be only my mother, Walt and me.  Ned and Marta are spending the dinner with Marta's family, who have invited us to join them, but whether she cares or not, knows what's going on or not, it's important to me to spend these last holidays with my mother.  And she definitely does not do crowds of people she knows, much less a house full of strangers.

For the last several years, we get to this part of the year and I just want it to be January.  The holidays were always such a HUGE family time for most of my life and it kills me that we are so separated and that there are only three of us to "celebrate" this week.

The Thanksgiving that Was...and Wasn't

Well, Thanksgiving didn't happen the way we planned, but was very nice anyway.

The plan had been to take dinner to my mother so we could have a family thanksgiving together in her apartment.  This was Ned's idea and better than mine, bringing her here to share Thanksgiving dinner with us.  Ned and Marta were bringing mashed potatoes, green beans and rolls; I was cooking the turkey and stuffing and making the pies.

My mother had never been particularly interested.  I had hoped the idea of having a family dinner would have pleased her, but she had been particularly blasé whenever I mentioned it, merely saying "well...whatever you want."

In the morning, hoping to help her remember that we were coming by in the afternoon, I brought the pumpkin pie, and a floral arrangement for the table.  I sat and talked with her and she said that she was feeling sick to her stomach.  Jeri called and we did a facetime chat and even that didn't help my mother.  She said she felt like vomiting.  It was obvious we needed to cancel our plans.  She said she was going to bed, and I left her lying on the couch looking miserable.  I will go over there today and see how she's doing.

I contacted Ned and he said that he and Marta would bring their food to our house and we'd have Thanksgiving dinner here.  So we did.  I had recently heard of an interesting way of basting the turkey, which is to soak cheesecloth in melted butter and wine and cover the turkey with it, basting a couple of other times with the remaining butter-wine mixture.  It resulted in a delicious, moist turkey!

Ned carved the bird (Walt very happy to turn this task over to the oldest son!)

It all came together very nicely.

I had left the nice floral centerpiece at my mother's but we ate on placemats that we had bought around the world--Ireland, Greece, Croatia, Germany.  And I was able to use our wedding china, which I rarely do because we have only 4 place settings.

During dinner, Tom called and we had a face time chat with the family in Santa Barbara.

And after the pumpkin pie, Walt opened the cherry brandy that we bought in Croatia.

We had eaten early and Ned and Marta were gone before Jeopardy started.  I fell asleep before the show ended and slept until 2:30, at which time I wrote this entry...and will now go back to sleep!

All in all, a lovely Thanksgiving; I just wish my mother had been well enough to join us.  But I suspect she was just as happy she didn't have to. 

 Our Thanksgiving "family portrait"

Best Wishes

Happy

Thanksgiving

to all!

Baby, It's Cold Outside

This is the house where Matt and Miranda live, with the Santa in front of it, taken from in front of Kris and Tom's house.

This is the house where Kris and Tom live (on the right), taken from the porch of Matt's house,.

When it is this cold...

...and you have food and feeble old people to get from one house to the other, you drive.  Believe it or not, I took the picture of Kris & Tom's house standing on Matthew's porch in my stocking feet.  But it had warmed up to 7 by then.

It was a full day.  A very full day, starting with Peach getting all dressed up in her Thanksgiving finery and wearing one of her two new wigs, looking very beautiful and festive.

Miranda and Matt came over for breakfast.  Tom cooked his famous "Iowa skillet" (I think that was what he called it.  Not sure what he called it before they moved to Iowa)

Shortly after breakfast we packed up and moved the feast across the street, where Miranda had prepared a groaning board of hors d'oeuvres.

Peach and I worked together to make the stuffing for the turkey.

And then Peach stuffed the bird.

While Miranda and Matt were working together in the kitchen.

This was the first Thanksgiving dinner they had prepared and they wanted to get it right.  Miranda had worked a double shift at the store where she works yesterday and had not gotten home until 3 a.m.  She was amazing.

While everything cooked, the gang looked over newspaper inserts trying to plan Black Friday shopping.

Peach and I had a Skype conference with my mother, Ned and Walt.

Eventually the turkey came out of the oven and Tom carved it.

Miranda's table looked beautiful...and she even had special Thanksgiving plates.

I had been planning to make a pumpkin pie, but through a series of hilarious and too complicated to add here circumstances, I made a cherry cheesecake instead.  Tom had purchased a Marie Callender's pumpkin pie as a back-up, so I figured I would have pumpkin pie anyway.

However, that was the one failure of the night.  Nobody ate the pumpkin pie.

We drove back across the street and started to watch the 49er-Seahawk game (sorry, Tom Sykes!) but my body cried out to lie down, at least for a little.  I went into a back room and passed out on the couch, waking at 11, finding myself covered with blankets and everyone else in bed.  Nice that I woke up in time to write this...and to be here when Jeri called to wish me a happy Thanksgiving.

And it was a happy Thanksgiving.  I hope everyone reading this had a good day too.