Princess Lynno

In a few days, I'm taking a "girls' days off" to spend some time with my friend Lynn in Monterey, leaving Walt behind.  I met Lynn when I was working at the ob/gyn office a gazillion years ago and we have been friends for 25 years or more.  She moved from Davis to Texas a long time ago.  She has recently divorced her husband and returned to California, where she now works as a midwife in So. California, still a long way away, so we rarely have the chance to see each other.  I think we got together about 3 years ago, when I went to San Diego to spend a weekend with her (she has now moved from San Diego).

I came across a scrapbook that I made during the years when I was the office manager for Sutter West Women's Health, the group that Women's Health Association became when it was bought out by the Big Bad HMO.  (I can relate a lot to the problems of Grey's Anatomy's Seattle Grace Hospital!)

In the scrapbook was the story I wrote for Lynn to give to her at her going-away party.  She always said she wanted to be a princess, so we had a party where everyone came in dressed as ladies or gentlemen of the court and Lynn was Princess Lynno.  I had written a fable for her that I really like, so I thought I would share it.

Some terms might help you appreciate it more.  

Yoni is defined here.
MQA stands for "massive quantities of alcohol," which Lynn and I and another friend used to call our ladies' nights out.
Davis is frequently referred to as "the land of all things right and relevant."
Obviously all the characters are real people, and I had great fun naming them (e.g., The Wizard of Odds is a bookkeeper in real life).

The story is called:

"P" is for Princess
or
A fable of Love and Loss

Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess named Lynno who lived in the land of the Golden Gate.  The princess was kind and beautiful, but she was lonely and felt her life was not complete.

One day the princess was visited by the good fairy Kermit of Sarber, who saw that she was sad.  'You must leave your home,' said the fairy, 'and travel over the golden hills to the Land of All Things Right and Relevant. There you will discover the secret of the sacred yoni, your life will be complete and you will be happy.'   And so the princess left the land of the Golden Gate and traveled over the golden hills until she came to the Land of All Things Right and Relevant.

The princess sought the help of King Leon the Good, one of the last in the Royal Family of the House of Low Intervention.  'Your Majesty,' said Lynno, 'I am trying to learn the secret of the sacred yoni so that my life might be complete.'   The king, who was a wise king, appointed her Mother of All Midwives.  'Here,' said the King, 'you will learn much about the sacred yoni.'

The princess was happy in the Land of All Things Right and Relevant.   She made many friends.  She was loved by all, especially by the women of the Order of Puja. She learned much about the yoni, but her life was still not complete.

She visited the Good Witch Lee of Olson.  'Something is missing from my life,' she told the witch.  'Your life will be complete if you learn to fly,' said the good witch and she taught her to fly.  But her life was still not complete.

'You must travel to the mountains,' said Lady Lynn of Schimmel.   'In the mountains you will find peace and contentment and your life will be complete.'  And so the princess traveled to the mountains with the ladies of the court.  And she saw that it was good.  But when she returned from the mountains, there was still something missing from her life.

Conrad, the nymph of the Forrest, saw that the princess was stressed and said 'I can help you to relax.  When you learn to relax you will finally be happy.'  And so Conrad helped the princess to relax, but her life was still not complete.

'I can cast a spell upon you and put you into a deep sleep,' said Rosemarie, the Wizard of Odds.  'When you wake from your slumber, you will know the secret of the sacred yoni and your life will be complete.'  And so Rosemarie put her into a deep sleep.

When she awoke, she felt rested but her life was still not complete.

She joined the Order of M.Q.A. and she learned the secret of the magic potions.  It brought her much happiness but her life was still not complete.

She learned how to make the citizens of the land happy and she was known far and wide for her ability to entertain.  But her life was still not complete.

In time she learned the secret of the sacred yoni, but even that did not complete her life.  She shared her yoni with many princes of the court, hoping to find The One who would make her happy, but, alas, there was no one worthy of the sacred yoni.

'How many frogs do I have to kiss to find my prince?' she wailed in desperation.  'May I try, your highness?' asked Harris, the page. 'You?' she asked. 'But you're only a page.  Do you think you are worthy of a princess?' 'I'd like to try,' said Harris.  And so Lynno shared with him her sacred yoni and it was Very Good.  The princess knew happiness for the first time. 'Now that I know you love me for myself, I can reveal my true identity,' said Harris.  'I am really Prince Christopher of Naturewood, heir to the throne of LaLa Land.'

So Princess Lynno and Prince Christopher were married.  It was a fairy tale wedding and all the citizens of the land rejoiced in their happiness.

The Prince and Princess moved to a magic cottage in the woods and at long last Princess Lynno felt her life was complete.

Now if this were a fairy tale, we would say that the Princess and her Prince lived happily ever after.  But since this is real life, that's not quite what happened, for while the citizens were rejoicing at the happiness of their Princess, a black cloud came over the kingdom.  The Black Knight, Sir Gary Third Son of the Evil House of Sutter stole the treasure of the realm--The Great Seal of Quality Medical Care.   In its place he erected a monument to Lord HMO.

The evil Sir Gary told King Leon 'You may still be king, but I have usurped your power.  I will now rule the land for Lord HMO.'  King Leon was powerless and the citizens were afraid.

But Princess Lynno was not afraid for now her life was complete and she felt strong.  'I don't need this shit,' she said.  'I am happy and Sir Gary can't ruin my life.'  And so Princess Lynno and Prince Christopher prepared to leave the Land of All Things Right and Relevant and follow their stars to new lands and new adventures. 

There was much weeping and lamentation in the Land of All Things Right and Relevant.  The citizens wrote their farewells to the beautiful princess and nobody lived happily ever after.