"OK. I'm ready to go," said Walt, his suitcase standing in the front hall. He was flying to Santa Barbara for the weekend, to visit with his mother while his sister and her husband were off on vacation for a few days.
I'd lost track of time. I looked down at what I was wearing--my shorts, which I wear in the house on these triple-digit days.
Shit. No time to change into long pants. I had a bunch of errands I was going to run on my way home from the airport and I hate to wear short when I'm running around town, 'cause I look like...you know...one of those fat ladies wearing ugly shorts.
I mentally went through a list of my options as we drove out to the Sacramento Airport and finally decided--the heck with it. I'd just get the stuff done I wanted to do and get into my "detached place" and forget about what people were thinking as they looked at me.
I had arrived at "fat acceptance."
Long ago, Elizabeth Kubler Ross determined the 5 stages of grief, which actually work whether your grief is over the death of a person, the loss of a friendship, or any other situation which causes you great grief. I realized that they also apply to weight.
1. Denial. "I haven't gained all that much, have I?" I haven't stepped on a scale and I've had to buy larger clothes, but I'm sure it's not that bad and, like any good addict, "I can stop eating bad food whenever I want."
2. Anger. "How could I have let this happen to me?" Look at that panniculus. (look it up) I was on my way to being "normal" again when I started to slip, and I just couldn't stop eating. I'm so MAD at myself!
3. Bargaining. "Oh that thing looks so good. Let me just let go for tonight and I promise I'll make it up tomorrow..."
4. Depression. In the five stages of grief, this is described as "overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity, mourning loss of person as well as the hopes, dreams and plans for the future. Feeling lack of control, feeling numb." You can see how this easily translates to being fat.
5. Acceptance. You wake up one morning and your husband asks you to drive him to the airport. You're wearing shorts and it's going to be 100 degrees out and you have to stop at a store on your way home. You sigh and say "screw it" and get into the car and when you get to the store, you try not to think about what people are thinking about you as they watch you looking at the food displays.Ironically, as I was reading through the Five Stages of Depression, the page was about death and yet at the bottom was some sort of link about flat bellies and the link led me here.