Thursday, December 7, 2017

Gift List 2018

Now that #45's tax bill is about to pass, I'm thinking of what I'll do when all that money comes flooding in.  Taking Stephen Colbert's advice, I went shopping on, Gwyneth Paltrow's web site for the uber rich so I can make my Christmas list for next year.

I started small, with games. For $34 I can buy a deck of "dirty talk cards," presented in a pristine giftable box, the fourteen cards inside have sexy sayings—printed on a luxe paper with hand-painted gold edges—as a special collab between Paper Chase Press, Afterall, and goop. It’s an incredibly fun way to spice up date-night—your significant other won’t be disappointed.

If you don't want to play cards, maybe for $70 you can get a "Love is Art Couple's paint kit." The key to this body-painting kit—by which we mean painting a canvas using your and your partner’s bodies—is stripping down first. Includes organic, non-toxic gold and black paint, a specially treated cotton canvas (3.5’ x 4.5’), a plastic drop cloth (10’ x 17’) to protect your surface from paint splashes, two pairs of disposable slippers (so no tracking paint footprints off the canvas), and a soft mesh body scrubber for cleanupSadly, this item is sold out, but maybe by next year they will have restocked.  I can just see Walt and me painting each other while the dogs leap about trying to figure out what's going on.
Not into painting?  How about a $500 dart board?  This beautifully-crafted dartboard is as much fun to play with as it is a gorgeous object. Made of silk-screened cork in five colors, the board itself is stunning (with a keyhole on the back for easy hanging), but the darts themselves look fantastic, too. It’s an original, modern update on the ancient game of skill—a keep-it-forever classic.

Colbert was particularly excited about the $66 jade egg. 
Used by women to increase sexual energy and pleasure, this nephrite jade stone helps connect the second chakra (the heart) and yoni for optimal self-love and well being. Please be sure to follow the instructions included with your egg.  Made exclusively for goop.
  • Nephrite jade
  • Length: 1.57", Width: 1.18"
  • Eggs are pre drilled for string add-on; we recommend using unwaxed dental floss
Having worked in an ob/gyn office for many years, I am quite familiar with the yoni.  You may want to look it up.  (The egg also comes in Rose quartz, which is cheaper, only $55)

For only $84 you can buy a water bottle with an imbedded obelisk-like amethyst crystal to infuse water with positive energy. A soothing crystal, amethyst is thought to help transform negative energy, enhance existing psychic abilities, and calm the mind.  Sounds nicer than my $1.25 plastic job.

Of course you can't live without these $460 sun glasses.  Given how often people misplace their glasses, maybe you should get a back-up pair just in case.  These pair nicely with the $230 ear buds to keep your music with you at all times (or for $300 you can buy wireless ear buds, which have the added advantage of being much easier to lose.)

I really was not taken with this $2,750 sequin-shaped cocktail ring.  I think it's ugly, but others obviously disagree with me if they are paying nearly $3,000 for this monstrosity.  The description states that the ring can be worn with either a cocktail dress and heels, or a tee-shirt and jeans.  I'm glad to know it is multi-purpose.

But while I don't like this ring, I can't live without the $145 "nut milk maker," a product I've never seen before.

And all these years of burning incense cones, or a stick of incense that you prop up on something, it's a comfort to know that for only $345 you can buy this incense burner.

This gorgeous gift set comes with three hand-cut semi-precious stones (clear quartz, rose quartz, and black onyx) that hold your incense stick sideways so it can burn at both ends. It even comes with a clever copper-tone brass tray to collect falling ash (read: no clean-up required). The packaging is so pretty that no additional wrapping is required.

I have a year to plan my gift giving 2018, but I'd better order early because almost everything that looked good to me is already sold out.  

I can hardly wait for my tax refund to arrive...

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