Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Something Strange is Happening

It's a strange new world.  For sleep has been erratic and most days I function on 4-5 hours of sleep, or less.  I just took it for granted that I just didn't need as much sleep as most people.

Lately, I've been sleeping.  I've been going to sleep when I feel sleepy, rather than forcing myself to stay up and finish my journal entry (which then wakes me up and starts me doing other things on the computer), and I've been sleeping a reasonable number of hours.  The other morning I woke up at 10:45!!!  I couldn't believe it.  I had been awake for a couple of hours during the middle of the night, but added together, I had slept 8 hours.  That was unheard of.

I sometimes laugh when I focus on how much (or little) sleep I had in a night.  Gilbert was a terrible insomniac and obsessed with his inability to sleep.  Whenever I saw him...and sometimes he would call me to check in...the primary topic of conversation was how little sleep he had the night before.  I didn't want to get like that, but it seemed (seems?) like I'm there already.

I read somewhere recently that a normal sleep is sleeping for a few hours, being up for a couple of hours and then going back to sleep. I can't remember who said that but I found it comforting because that's exactly how I sleep--and am becoming more "normal" in my hours of sleep.  

Which is a round-about way of saying I chose to sleep last night instead of writing this entry.  Walt has just come in here complaining that he woke up and didn't get his Funny the World today  I told him to wait a few minutes and it would be up.  This is, after all, the day that the entry is date, though I usually write it the night before.

Yesterday I had my second meeting with Debbie, my new therapist.  I had to confess to her that I had done none of her suggested things concerning meditation exercises because of the confusion of the last few weeks.  I also expected to have started on the anti-depressant she wanted me to take, but my primary care physician said she didn't want to prescribe it until she had seen me, and, since she has been on vacation until this week, I have not seen her yet.

I thought I had an appointment on Monday and got myself all emotionally geared up for the scolding I knew I was in for and dragged myself to Kaiser, only to be told that my appointment was for Tuesday, not Monday, and Tuesday morning our car was being taken in for an oil change.  So I didn't start the anti-depressant and now I have to go through the emotional gear-up all over again on Friday.

But I feel like with the start of the new year, I'm kind of cleaning house and organizing myself.  Working with Debbie I think is going to be very productive.  After I've seen Dr. Akanda, I will be free and clear for another year (whether or not I actually do all the things she wants me to do).

I am also realizing that I am way past the time when I should get my glasses replaced.  I needed a new prescription two years ago and just have never gotten around to doing it...and after struggling to hear a recent show I was reviewing, I know that I have to bite the bullet and get hearing aids.  There is no logical reason why I haven't done any of these things (and it's one of the things I am discussing with Debbie...why I put off doing things that would take care of me)

Also, I have to bite the bullet and call my computer guru and decide what to do about my computer situation.  I just don't want to hear that it is dead and there is no hope of recovering the data stored on the hard drive.  But I've been working with the laptop (which also is in serious need of work) and have realized that things are not quite as bad as I feared.  Yes, I have lost massive amounts of data that I will never get back, but I did a WordPerfect back-up to my external hard drives in 2011, so it's only the data from the last 3 years that is gone.  That in itself is terrible, but it isn't as catastrophic as I originally feared.

So with all this new sleep I'm getting, maybe some of the cobwebs that have been accumulating in my head are starting to be swept away.

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