The Odd Couple

Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I would be watching any episode of Sarah Palin's Alaska, but when my friend Olivia called, chortling, to tell me that I had to watch the episode where the Palins and the Gosselins go camping together, I found that it was being rebroadcast last night and I recorded it.

I don't know what idiot ever thought these two women, perhaps the most disliked women in America, would get along, or whatever possessed Kate Gosselin to agree to go camping with Sarah Palin. It was a train wreck waiting to happen and it only took seconds before it all started falling apart.

Apparently Palin's daughter Piper loves Kate plus 8 and was thrilled when she learned she would be able to spend time with the country's favorite sextuplets.

I confess that there was a time, when the show was called Jon and Kate plus 8, when I watched a couple of episodes. First, I was intrigued with the shows opening segments, showing Kate shortly before the babies were born. Having carried five babies, one at a time, I couldn't even envision what a body carrying six together would look like!

The things I remember about what little I watched about the show was that Kate seemed never to smile, that she seemed to have a cleanliness fettish and that I don't remember her ever hugging her children, though I'm sure she did and I can't accuse her of that on the basis of only a couple of shows.

I stopped watching during the 3rd episode I caught where Kate fired her nanny who, in the middle of running herd on eight toddlers, committed the unforgivable sin of not dusting the bottom shelf of a cupboard.

I do remember being surprised when the divorce happened, not that it happened, but that Jon had lasted that long.

I also remember her stint on Dancing with the Stars (another "who in the world came up with that idea" moment), when she was the most complaining, most unhappy, least smiling contestant ever.

I feel sorry for Kate Gosselin, She must have had a terribly difficult upbringing. I know nothing about her background, but how do you get to be such an unhappy, judgmental person?

And then there is "Nothing fazes me" Palin, proud of going shopping for a gun to shoot a bear, lovin' campin' and hikin'. (If there is any reason NOT to have Palin as the next president it is that after 4 years a generation of children will never know that there are "Gs" in the alphabet!)

Things were already strained when Kate and the kids walked through the front door of the Palin home, but when Kate saw a bear skin rug on the floor she recoiled, touched it gingerly with her toe and asked if it was real. Hearing that Palin's father had shot it last year, she looked like she was going to be sick (not helped when one of her children removed the bear's tongue and brought it to show Mommy. "Is that supposed to come out? Because if it's not, it is now," she said to Palin, without hint of apology that her child may have ruined something...turns out the tongue was removable).

The women bonded (briefly) over issues of the paparrazzi, but that was the last bit of bonding that took place.

Kate looked ill again during a safety meeting about how to handle yourself if you meet a bear in the wild. She looked like she wanted to be anywhere else than on the rifle range practicing shooting a gun.

And she hadn't even gotten to land, after arriving on a sea plane to a deserted island, before she was complaining that she was cold, the place was dirty, and they had no bug spray. "This just isn't right," she said, asking if it wouldn't be more exciting if they could stay in some lodge somewhere.

But Palin, bursting with enthusiasm and full of ideas for fishin' and campin' and cookin' around the camp fire extolled the beauty of the area and talked about how real Alaskans didn't let a little thing like rain stop them from havin' a good time.

In the meantime, Kate found refuge under a canopy where the food was stored and complained nonstop about how she was "chilled to the bone" and how there were no cleaning implements around and how the kids hadn't been sprayed for bugs and, again, how this just wan't right. "I'm not worrying about bears right now," she is soon grousing. "I'm just worried about keeping my toes wiggling 'cause they're freezing."

While some of the kids went to the water's edge to learn about fish and others of the group helped Palin gather wood for the fire, Kate kept whining and complaining. She stated she wasn't going to move from that spot under the canopy. "The kids are having fun, so I'm tolerating it, but this is my new home," grumbles Kate, under the canopy. "I am miserable, but, I mean, somebody's got to be."

Sarah, still militantly enthusiastic, announces "this is the most luxurious campin' spot I've ever seen."

When the kids brought Kate a moose hot dog, she looked at it like they were trying to poison her. She sniffed at it and then, barely touching it, set it aside.

"I don't see a table, I don't see utensils, I don't see hand-cleansing materials," she whimpers. "This is not ideal conditions. I am freezing to the bone, I have 19 layers on, my hands are frigid. I held it together as long as I could and I'm done now!"

She announced flatly that was leaving. While her kids were learning how to make s'mores, she asked them if they wanted to leave with her or stay. They all said they wanted to stay, so she told them that they could stay, but they would now be Sarah Palin's children, and no longer Gosselins. Sarcasm is lost on pre-schoolers and the look on the kids' faces was painful as they all hastened to promise they would leave with her instead of having chocolate and marshmallows.

Last scene was of the Gosselins getting back on the plane and leaving, while Palin, appearing puzzled for the camera, said "I thought we were gonna go campin' with the Gosselins. Turned out, we didn't. We had lunch with them on a sand bar."