Day One

Well, it is clear that this new program of mine is going to require patience.

Happy that we had a Plan (though it meant I would not be able to do the stuff I had to do at home), I went off at 11.  We were going to buy lipstick.  I would take her to Panda Express for lunch and then we'd go back to Atria and either go to Bingo or work puzzles.

She had something to do today!

Only she was still in bed asleep when I got there.

Well...OK.  I had given all day to this enterprise.  No need to wake her up when I have a book in my purse.

I sat down to read and eventually I fell asleep in the chair, waking when one of her care givers came to take her to lunch.  It was 12:30.

She got up slowly, body creaking and feeling out of sorts.  She tried saying that she didn't know what she was supposed to be doing but I had an answer for that one.  We had, by that time, however, decided that she didn't feel well enough to go shopping.  I told her that since she didn't fell well, we could put off doing that job until tomorrow, so she has a plan for tomorrow too.

I got coffee for her and we talked for awhile until her head cleared.  An interesting thing happened at the lobby coffee pot.  A woman was just finishing up her coffee when I came and she looked at me and said "Are you the one who writes the reviews for the paper?"  Now how in the world she knew that I don't have a clue, since my photo has never appeared with my reviews.  But it was kind of fun to be recognized.

Raquel had brought a walker in to the apartment.  Apparently she will now use it to go to meals, if it is in her room, but then she leaves it in the dining room.  She doesn't know what it is or who it belongs to, but she's not as negative about it as she once was.

Since we weren't going out, I decided to go to lunch at Atria, though I really am tired of Atria meals.  We walked slowly to the dining room (no walker) and had a nice lunch, though we were joined by a woman who has been at Atria for about 8 months.  She says she likes to sit with different people each time so she can find out about where they come from.

She then proceeded to tell me her whole life story from childhood to today, the farm on which she lived, her family, her job (a teacher), the book she's writing, that she had not felt well this morning and had gone to the doctor (she had meds she picked up that she couldn't open and I opened the bottle for her).  She talked the whole time we were there and didn't ask my mother a single question.  She is also the first person I met who refers to herself by her last name.  I only know her as Mrs. D.....

We went back to the apartment and I told her that I had to go home to get some work done.  It was 2 p.m. now, and Bingo was over anyway.  But I told her I'd come back tomorrow and we'd see about going out tomorrow.

I came home and started to work on the reviews, but fell asleep for about 2 hours.  I'm starting to think this dementia thing is starting to make me depressed because I've been sleeping so much.  It seems whenever I sit down to do anything, from work to play, I have to get up and go take a nap. I'm getting as bad as my mother.

But Wednesday is the meeting day for the Dementia Support Group.  They meet the 3rd Wednesday of the month and for many months now I have had conflicting activities, but I realize I really need support, encouragement and suggestions from the group this time.

I love my mother but I never dreamed that when we started paying about $1,000 a month extra for assisted living that it would increase the time I needed to spend with her!

---

I'm also taking a couple of weeks off from Blue Apron.  I love the meals, I love not having to plan, and about 90% of what we get is delicious and the things that I don't particularly like, Walt does, so it has worked out exceptionally well.

But mis en place is killing me!  Tom says he loves having all of his ingredients measured and chopped before he starts cooking.  I've always been a "search frantically in the fridge before it's time to add the next ingredient" kind of cook, and while I agree completely that mis en place makes your life easier, I'd just like to take a couple of weeks off.  All that chopping before cooking kills my back and I end up having to take a few minutes off about 3-4 times during a meal, so with a couple of weeks of having to plan my own meals again, I will be happy to go back to getting those little boxes every week -- and besides, part of that will be Thanksgiving anyway.  

I've decided to cook a small turkey and see if I can encourage my mother to come over here. I could have a turkey dinner with her at Atria, but then I'd have no leftovers, the last time Atria served no dressing, and I don't like their pumpkin pie (and wouldn't have any left for breakfast in the morning).  So that's another good reason to postpone Blue Apron for that week, at least.

---

I've been seeing a log=t of people on line indignant when they are called racists or homophobes or xenophobes just because they voted for Trump.  They see themselves as the good guys and not like those disruptive people.  What was it the Pharisee said? "‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—crooks, evildoers, adulterers"

But they knew what Trump was.  They listened to his comments about women, his threats about ethnic groups, his plans for disrupting people's lives and all sorts of other things, including encouraging violence at his rallies ("throw him out in the cold."), and I have to ask, if you are really a good person, how could you vote for a person who espouses those hateful sentiments?

Is this the man you want to show your children as a person they can emulate?

One of his first cabinet appointments has been Steve Bannon as chief strategist  Breitbart, the website Bannon ran "is a home for the White Nationalist Right that elevates racist, xenophobic, anti-Semitic tirades and conspiracy theories.”  His appointment has drawn criticism from the left and from the right.

Oh we are going to have a lot of settling in days ahead of us, my friends.  And it ain't gonna be pretty.

Those Early Morning Calls

When the phone rings at 8 a.m. on a Sunday morning after the election, I immediately start thinking of what happened to my mother.  When I check the caller ID and see that the call is coming from her phone, I really worry.

But when I picked up the phone, my mother said "who is this?" (so I knew she was alive).  I said "Bev" and  she said "where are you?"  I told her I was at my house and that she had called me.

"I need help," she said.  I asked her what she needed help with and, after a pause, she said "With...this."  She then repeated what she has said to me every day for the past 3 years, that she doesn't know what she should be doing and she needs help figuring it out.

This is her biggest frustration and sometimes it is a mild annoyance, but sometimes it become a big cause of angst.  Today was an angst day.  I got in the car immediately and drove to Atria.  I picked up 2 cups of coffee in the lobby (because I hadn't had coffee yet) and went to the apartment.  She was in a familiar state of agitation though furniture had been moved and the house looked "messy" (for her) and she had obviously been trying to figure something out.

I sat and talked with her, the same conversation we always have.  She is supposed to be doing something, but she wasn't interested in anything I suggested she do (everything from picking up her newspapers and leaving them for the cleaning ladies, sweeping her patio, which bothers her because there are a couple of leaves on it, to going out to the front lobby to check on what activities were being done that day).  She met each suggestion with a blank stare and then asked wasn't there someone else in the family who could help her, since I was such a failure at it.

I started thinking of possibilities and the only workable one I could think of is for me to just essentially move to Atria.  Oh, not move in, but go there more than I have been going (it's been so nice having a few days off) with the idea that we are going to do something.

Monday, for example, there is bingo at 1:30.  I also noticed that my mother was out of lipstick.  I was going to make a note to go and get some for her, but decided that this was something she could do so I told her that tomorrow I would pick her up and take her to get lipstick, then we would have lunch and then go play Bingo.  Then we went to breakfast and by the time we had finished breakfast, she was her old self again.

It is obvious that she is not going to do a thing on her own and that the only way she will do anything is if she does it with me.  So, for the foreseeable future, I am going to become an active part of the life at Atria and hope that will help ease my mother's angst.

The Davis Dementia support group also meets this week (it's the 3rd Wednesday of the month and I keep having conflicting activities) and I will definitely go this week, barring unforeseen emergencies.  I definitely need support...and more importantly, ideas!

---

With all the angst at Atria, I was terribly afraid I would not be able to leave my mother to go to the Lamplighters Gala, the show we pay big bucks for and that we look forward to each year.  But she was so much better that I had no qualms about leaving her (who knows if she will remember anything, but at least she was OK when I left).

The Gala is starting to depress me.  It was always a ...gala... time meeting friends and enjoying the show, but as the years pass, more friends are no longer with us or have stopped coming to the shows, the rest of us are getting older and sicker, the people on stage are people to whom I feel no connection any more, and since I seem to have lost my taste for spirits these days, I don't even look forward to the champagne reception afterwards.

There were wonderful bits in the show, like our friend Barbara playing Laffing Sal, the British mechanical figure that stood in the window of the Fun House at Playland at the Beach, rocking back and forth and laughing continually, and terrified me .... well.... forever.

...this Sal was from The Fun House at ‘Playland At The Beach’ in San Francisco. Her bright red hair, huge towering moving figure and loud boisterous laugh are etched in the mind of every child who saw her as a child. Most were terrified of her – and many still remember that fear when they see her some 30, 40 or 50 years later. 

Her interpretation was spot on, so much so that after the show, I was going upstairs to the reception and got in the elevator with Barbara and her husband and told her I wasn't sure I wanted to ride with her because of my memories of being terrified.

The show itself was not one of the better galas, though you can't really have a bad gala because there is too much talent, both in the writing and in the performing. 

The story this time centered around a scandal in the U.S. Treasury and I think maybe money just isn't all that funny!  But the Treasury museum, which was a real tribute to Hamilton was wonderful, though probably more meaningful to those who are familiar with the Broadway hit.

At intermission, former Lamplighters president (for 30 years!) John Vlahos was given a special "legend" award and many nice things were said -- and sung -- about him.  His wife had been doing her best to keep him from finding out about the surprise and she had been successful.  He was overwhelmed and it was such a touching moment, I was in tears from the emotion of it all.  I have had many connections with John over the years, and he's one of the good guys.

He's shown here with actor Bill Neil, who was in the show.  I suspect Bill may be the oldest living Lamplighter...and he is definitely the oldest living performing Lamplighter!

It was 9 p.m. before we got home, and the dogs were starving, but we had a good night, in spite of the rocky morning.  Tomorrow will be another adventure, I'm sure.

Sunday Stealing

26 - Did you have an accident last year?
No, thank goodness.

27 - Do you have any famous relatives?
My great grandfather was the founder and editor of the Santa Rosa Press Democrat. 

28 - Did you ever had a kiss under the moonlight?
Sure.

29 - Have you ever been jealous?
Many, many times.

30 - How can you prove your love to someone?
I don't know.  I just do what I can to be myself and be kind and loving to that person.

31 - What are you thinking right now?
What a dumb queston #30 was.

32 - Have you ever sacrificed something important to you for someone you love?
Sure.  It's what you do for people you love.

33 - Can you live without internet?
Can I live without the internet?  Sure.  Do I want to live without the internet?  No.

34 - Have you been so emotional that you can’t find words to explain how you feel?
Yes...and I find that out when I try to write FTW and discover the appropriate words won't come.

35 - Did you ever badmouth someone?
Do you mean like the president-elect?  Nahhh.

36 - What do you prefer, jeans or skirt?
Neither.  I own neither.  I wear slacks or sweats all the time.

37 - Do you have trust issues?
A little, maybe

38 - What's something that you made all on your own and are incredibly proud of?
I didn't make it ALL on my own, but MOSTLY on my own -- the second Lamplighters history.  I got credit for being one of 3 authors of the first book, but I really wrote almost none of it.  However, I did write most of the second book, with editorial assistant from my co-author.  It was my love letter to the Lamplighters.  (And I'm in the Library of Congress!)

39 - Who’s the person who first comes to your mind when someone mentions “love”?
My whole family.

40 - Who was the last person you hugged?
Walt, first thing this morning.

41 - Do you believe in the phrase “If it’s meant to be, it will be”?
Sigh.  Yes.  I don't LIKE it, but I do.  Take this week for example..... :(

42 - Do people praise you for your looks?
Walt and my mother sometimes tell me my hair looks nice.

43 - Do you believe in destiny?
I honestly don't know.

44 - Have you ever thought “I already found my soulmate”?
Yes.

45 - Do you like nicknames that are from your name?
I've never had a nickname, except "Beaver Lake," which is apparently the definition of my name.  The only person who regularly called me that was our parish priest.

46 - Could you ever be a vegan?"
I would like to be a vegan because I hate to think of killing animals, but I like meat too much and vegetables too little.

47 - Do you currently have bruises on your body?
Not that I can see.

48 - What should you be doing right now?
Writing the reviews for the two shows I saw this weekend.

49 - I read in a magazine that shoulder pads are coming back. Are you happy to hear this or do you not find them to be very attractive?
I love shoulder pads, but they always end up being scrunched up after I wash the garment.

50 - Did you ever feel like you’re not good enough?
Oh my lord, yes!

Saturday 9

Welcome to Saturday 9. What we've committed to our readers is that we will post 9 questions every Saturday. Sometimes the post will have a theme, and at other times the questions will be totally unrelated. Those weeks we do "random questions," so-to-speak. We encourage you to visit other participants posts and leave a comment. Because we don't have any rules, it is your choice. We hate rules. We love memes, however, and here is today's meme! 

Saturday 9: Ballad of Gilligan's Island (1964)

Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.

1) This is about the fateful cruise of the S.S. Minnow. If you had a boat, what would christen it?
Fat Chance

2)  "No phone! No lights! No motorcar! Not a single luxury!" To Sam, those sound more like everyday essentials than luxuries. If you were shipwrecked with the gang, what standard amenity would you miss the most?
A flush toilet
 
3) The uncharted isle was in the Pacific, near Hawaii. Have you ever been to our 50th state?
Yes.  Several times.  I went with my mother and grandmother after I graduated from high school.  I had inherited a little money and was planning to go into the convent, so we decided to spend it all on a wonderful trip.  It was apparently so wonderful, I never went into the convent.
Walt and I have gone back twice.  Once to visit my daughter-in-law's parents on the Big Island, and once to visit Char's husband on Oahu.  We also went with some Brasilian friends to their time share on Maui.

4) Natalie Schafer, who played Mrs. Howell, refused to divulge her age. Are you honest about how old you are? Or do you fudge it?
I am 73-1/2 half years old and proud of every one of those years.
 
5) Gilligan's Island featured many dream sequences. (Like the one where Gilligan dozes off and dreams that he's Jack from Jack and the Beanstalk.) Have you had any vivid dreams lately?
I don't remember a lot of dreams, but I have dreamed about an actress from the Lamplighters (Lindi Bauman) twice this week and I don't understand why.  She was not particularly a good friend, she's been dead for many years and it's very odd that she is showing up in my dreams!

6) The pilot was filmed in November, 1963, in Honolulu. The cast and crew were actually onset when they learned of President Kennedy's assassination.* Because on location filming was so expensive, they couldn't afford to take any time off.  Tell us about a time when you had to work, even though your heart and head weren't in it.
I had just started a new job and didn't really know anybody when my friend Gilbert died.  It was the first death in my life that hit me hard, but this was a new job and I had to soldier on.  The others in the office (there were 4 of us) knew of the death, but didn't knew how it was affecting me.  One women went out to lunch one day and brought back a book called "How to Survive the Loss of a Love" which helps you get through any big loss, from something as simple as losing a tooth to a romantic breakup, to deaths of friends and family.  It's a little book -- only 208 pages -- but it became my bible for about a month and I could plot my grief by how far I could get into the book before I started crying.  I have been forever grateful for that act of kindness.

7) During the show's run, Mary Ann (Dawn Wells) was the clear fan favorite, receiving twice as many love letters as Ginger (Tina Louise). Have you ever written a fan letter (or posted a fan tweet or Facebook post)?
As a kid I wrote to few movie stars and I think I got a letter back once (though I could not tell you from whom).  I was thrilled.

8) Sam chose this week's song because it was going through her head, over and over again! Tell us a song that burrows into your head and stays there.
Songs that burrow into my head usually come from a  show I have seen.  I am a theater critic, so I see a lot of shows.  Tonight, for example, we saw Chess and the song "Anthem" has been running through my brain ever since.

9)  Random question: You went to a discount store and got an amazing bargain -- a pair of dress shoes for just $4.99. You go to a formal event and someone compliments you on those great shoes and asks where you got them. Do you tell the truth?
Of course...and brag about what a good deal I got!
_______________

*That's why, in the credits for the black and white seasons, the flags are at half-staff when The Minnow leaves the harbor.

Today at Logos

Sandy and I had a rather lengthy post-mortem on the election and how we are feeling these days, but nobody else who came into the store all day said a word.  I thought this piece, written by Kande Hooten, said it beautifully...

Eight years ago, the economy was in the toilet and I had recently been laid off. The day after Obama was elected, I was at the Metro station. Never, after an election, have I seen such joy and optimism. People were smiling at each other and marveling with strangers about what the election meant for the country.
Contrast with this past Tuesday. While taking Metro to work, people kept to themselves. There were no smiles, only looks of shock and disbelief.

I don't know if the slow day was any indication of post-election malaise.  I had a better afternoon than Sandy had morning, but it still was pretty slow.

My first customer had two cute little Silky dogs on a leash and he came in to pay for a bargain book, and also to report that there was a disreputable man outside who threatened to kill him when he told him he was not supposed to be smoking that close to a store.  We watched him out the window and I asked if he thought I should call the police.  We decided I would not, but the customer hung out in the store for awhile until he felt safe going to his car.  The disreputable man moved on shortly after that.

A woman came in looking for "The 100-year old Man Who Climbed Out the Window and Disappeared," which I had not heard of, though Amazon tells me is "the international publishing sensation--over six million copies sold worldwide!"  We didn't have it, so she left quickly.

A woman bought a book on Spanish art.  This was a big art book day, apparently.

A couple came in, with their cups of ice cream and ate and browsed for a long time before leaving without making a purchase.  The woman did leave at one point t o find a garbage can outside into which to throw their cups.

A woman all in black came in.  I thought she was wearing a beret until I got a better look at he hair and discovered it was just the hair somehow bunched into a form that looked like a hat.  She looked around for awhile before leaving without buying anything.

When guys looking like professional business men come in, they stand out from the Bermuda shorts wearing, sandals wearing, back-pack sporting men who make up the bulk of our male clientele, so I noticed this guy who came in, very neatly pressed with a blue business shirt and no jacket, shiny shoes.  He browsed, but did not buy.

Nor did the next guy wearing olive green shorts, and a baseball cap, carrying a backpack.

Only a handful of customers so far and it was already 4:07 when both my friend and the Antiquarian came in.  The latter left quickly, not finding anything that interested him.  My friend bought a book on hand weaving and a mystery. I wondered if he would say anything about the election, but e did not

A short woman who greeted me like a long lost friend (though I had never seen her before) was very sparkly as she wandered the stacks, making comments now and then.  She wore her hair in a French twist, but it was quite messy.  She wandered around with arms crossed most of the time.  She was happy when she found a book by B. Traven, an author she had just heard of the day before when someone recommended "The Rebellion of the Hanged," which we had.  Traven is best known for "Treasure of the Sierra Madre" and was apparently so little known that when he wandered onto the set while they were filming that movie, they threw him out because nobody knew who he was.

A woman bought three art-related books, and a guy bought a book on the Prado.

A guy with communication problems was trying to find out if he could put books on lay-away, but couldn't seem to find the words.  He muttered nonstop and did mention Trump, but only in passing, as if he were talking to himself.  He left when I told him we didn't do lay-aways and also informed him that we would be closing in January.  He tried to convince me that it was a bad time of year to quit and that we should stay open until June.

I was sorry Susan didn't come in because she would have had a lot to say about the election, but it was just Peter, who had nothing to say.

Walt came in and we were on the horns of a dilemma.  I was reviewing The Trojan Women at the university.  it started at 7, so it was too late to go home, but too early to go to the theater.  I was bone weary I ached everywhere especially my back, and just wanted to sleep, so we parked in the parking lot and I napped for about 25 minutes.  I must have looked very bad when hobbling to the car because some guys stopped to ask if I was all right.  I was so out of it I didn't even realize they had done that until Walt told me what they wanted.

We hadn't had dinner and at 9:30, I certainly didn't feel like cooking dinner, so we went to Safeway.  I got a salad, Walt got some beef stroganoff soup and we stocked up on our nightly Haagen Dazs bars for dessert.

When we got home, I just collapsed into the recliner, where I didn't hurt any more, and didn't move--not even to check mail in my office.  I woke up rested and without pain which was very nice. I don't know why I was in such pain yesterday, but am glad it was a short-lived attack.

An Antidote

It's fair to say that I, along with more than half of the voters in the country, felt like shit last night.  We simply have to get rid of that damn electoral college.  This is the second time they have screwed the country!!

However, rather than sitting at home and moping, or crying (which I did last night), I had a WONDERFUL time! And I didn't think about DT once.

 

Kimberly L. is a blogger whose blog I read many years ago (until she took it down).  We are Facebook friends, so we have been acquainted for many years, but have never met.  She and her husband Peter are in San Francisco on vacation and I offered to give them my "grand tour" today.  What great fun!

The nice thing about internet friends is that when you meet, it's like meeting an old friend you just haven't seen in awhile.  You instantly relax into a conversation without having to explain a lot of stuff.  They were staying at a hotel on Fisherman's Wharf.  That it took forever to get there because of traffic delays was an omen for how the day was going to go.

We started the tour by going down Lombard Street, which they had seen, but had not walked down.  Then we went through the financial district to Market Street and up to Twin Peaks.

Peter is a serious photographer with serious equipment and Kimberly and I chatted while he took pictures of San Francisco.

I had to excuse myself because my bladder was full and Twin Peaks just happens to have a fancy-schmancy toilet...which is even free to us  I loved the instructions posted outside though I did wonder how many people actually use the thing for twenty minutes at a time!  But maybe I don't want to know...

..

Peter's photos having been taken and my bladder blissfully emptied, we were ready to continue the tour, through Golden Gate Park, It was a beautiful day to be in the park and my City put on its best bib and tucker.  And both Kimberly and Peter agree with me that the de Young museum is one of the ugliest buildings we have seen.

From the park we went back into town and past the Palace of the Legion of Honor with its statue of "The Thinker" in the courtyard. I took them through Sea Cliff and past Robin Williams' home, then through the Presidio down to Fort Point where you can look up at the Golden Gate Bridge and see where Kim Novak was supposedly trying to commit suicide in Alfred Hitchcock's Vertigo.

Then we wended our way down Divisidero Street, into the Castro District and from there out to 29th and San Jose, to Mitchell's Ice Cream store.  It is apparently in somebody's best of the best ice cream places in the country and Peter has been trying to visit as many as he can. Having a look at the link for this place is worthwhile.  They have an extensive menu of exotic flavors.

I had two scoops -- Ube and Buko.  The former is made from purple yams and the latter from "baby coconut."  It was not only delicious, but colorful too!

It was time to head back to the hotel so I could get on the road before rush hour, but I had one more thing to show them, the steepest hill in San Francisco, a 17.5⁰ angle, which is pretty darn steep.  

I dropped Peter and Kimberly off at their hotel and was happy that I only hit mild rush hour traffic crossing the Golden Gate bridge, but shortly after I crossed, I had a call from Kim asking if Peter had left his cell phone in the back seat of the car.  I pulled off at the next offramp, and yes he had, so I turned around and headed back into the city, which meant that my timing was for naught.  I gave them the phone and got back on the road again, this time in the traffic, which was horrible.  Thank god for ebooks because we were creeping along at a whopping 2 miles an hour forEVer.  Highway 37, which connects Hwy 101, through Marin County, and I-80, which takes you to Davis takes just about half an hour to drive.  Tonight it took an hour to get HALF WAY.  It began to lighten up enough that I could get up to 50 mph in spots, but it was now dark, it's a relatively narrow road and as I said recently, I am hating driving at night because I get kind of disoriented.  So I was traveling a safe speed until we were ending that part of the road and I was trying to decide if I was going to go right to I-80 or take a side road that I like to take in the daytime.

The decision was made for me by a guy behind me honking his horn and flashing his lights.  I got scared and took the offramp.  Only it was the offramp.  Not only that, but there didn't seem to be a way to get back to where I was.  This was a long road that was two lanes, but only one direction and no sign of a turn around anywhere.

I didn't know where the hell I was and it was so dark I couldn't see anything.  I crossed a bridge I didn't know existed.  I don't know if I was on Mare Island or in Vallejo or both.  I was looking for any sign that would tell me in which direction I should drive to find I-80.  I was lost in Vallejo for HALF AN HOUR!!!!  At one point I pulled over to get out our GPS, which was not in the glove compartment, where it always is.  I finally had driven so far that I was getting out of businesses, so I pulled over and turned around and drove back from where I had come and then farther.  I could see cars on an overpass, which was a promising sign.

And it was. I had found the way home again, after driving with all those big trucks the rest of the way, hugging the slow lane.

By the time I got home (9:00) I had been driving longer than if I had driven to Santa Barbara, given that I left at 9 a.m.  (It takes 8 hours for me to drive to Santa Barbara).  But I had a wonderful time, except for the getting lost part.  And it was so much fun to add Kimberly to the list of internet friends that I have met in person.

At Least It's Finally Over

Too depressed to write anything today.