You can't live without it

If you don't take sleeping medication before a flight, I find that you can learn a lot while traveling from point A to point B by airplane.

The SkyMall catalog is a wonderful source of information about the kinds of things that travelers are willing to pay outrageous sums for... and Southwest encourages you to take it home so you can continue to shop after you are back on the ground.  "Free Copy -- Take it.  We'll replace it!" it blares from the top of the magazine where you are not likely to miss it, as you rummage around the seat pocket hoping to find a package of peanuts that the previous passenger might have left behind.

This was the item that made me take the catalog home with me.  this is the introduction of a "high-performance line of underwear."  Jeez...my grannie panties do the job without any performance at all.  Now we're expected to have our underwear do stuff for us.

It is what "real guys need -- odor control, cooling, and quick drying."  "The smell of victory, not your friend Victor!" the ad promises in bold headline and exclamation points.

These $18 (a pair) pants include antimicrobial odor control, moisture management, cotton transformed, and front and back mesh panels for enhanced cooling.   It makes me wonder what men do in their pants that somebody thinks all these features are necessary.  And I hate to mention it, but looking at this picture there doesn't appear to be any ... you know ... opening in these panties, which I thought was one of the perks of being a guy.

A $100 little "Biffy Buttler" (note cutesy spelling) you can't live without is "a bidet sprayer" which you are encouraged to add to any bathroom and feel the freshness. It fills that void that we have so often complained of, combining the convenience of a bidet sprayer, digital accessory caddy and toilet paper stand into a beautiful bathroom decor accessory.

I love the picture of the sprayer use...I never realized bidets were used to spray legs.

And as for that "accessory caddy" I can see nothing good about combining a device designed to spray water with a device for holding one of my expensive electronic gadgets.  You get that device together with a klutz like me and it is a recipe for instant disaster!

For $50 you can "enliven your daily shower experience by transforming your regular shower into a fountain of brillliant fun with the help of Magic Showerhead's innovative LED technology."  The water in the shower transforms into a rainbow of colors, presumably to enhance the experience of shower karaoke.   Maybe I'll get one for Steve, since he loves karaoke so much.  This, by the way, comes in fixed and hand-held shower heads. Let your mind run free and imagine what you can do with a hand held shower head that sprays you with a riot of changing colors.   Tons of fun.  Big seller in the Castro, I'm sure.

There is a collapsible travel exercise ball - "stay fit, lose weight, no excuses."  Heck, the whole reason for traveling is to give yourself an excuse not to exercise, isn't it?

The newest craze in outdoor games is apparently "the human slingshot" that involves four people slinging each other back and forth within a human sized stretchable band."  Again, a recipe for disaster.  I can just imagine me and 3 me-sized friends trying to sling each other around on a big rubber band.   Not a pretty sight, even mentally.  (That one is only $99.99)

Then there's the "silhouette wineglass" which has a nose hole cut out to allow more of your nose to fit into the glass as you drink. It is "your tool to flavor" allowing the drinker to experience the full flavor of today's wines.  "Your nose senses 10,000 flavors while your tongue only senses 4.  With every sip, youll taste every berry, every spice, every flavor.  Why use anything else?"  Well...maybe because this is $55 a glass, that's why!

The catalog goes on for 75 pages of ads like these, every one something that you can't live without.

I was not, however, tempted by the "magic benefit panty" which "enhances your bottom naturally."  Those guys don't know from "enhancing naturally."  I've been enhancing my bottom naturally from birth and need no $30 panty to enhance it further.  

You know, I have all these kids that I help support around the world.   Most of them do not have running water in their houses, so would not be interested in the bidet, or the colorful shower head.  And while they may be interested in the magic benefit panty to fill out the starvation sized butts, I somehow think they could find better use for the $30 someone might spend on this product.

It is often appalling the crazy things we will spend money on when so many around the world could put that money to such good use just to keep themselves and their families alive.