Groan

I'd love to say I felt wonderfully rejuvenated and invigorated after my walk yesterday, but in point of fact, every muscle in my body aches.  Which really makes me feel ashamed that such a wimpy little walk of a mile and a half would totally wipe me out.

I was asleep before The Daily Show last night and slept until nearly 8 this morning and then getting up onto my feet was extremely difficult!   As I've shuffled back and forth down the hall today, I am reminded of the way my grandfather used to walk...kind of like Abe Vigoda.  

Nevertheless, reaction to yesterday's entry was so encouraging I might actually do it again.  Someday.  But don't hold your breath.  I realize that on a "slow news day" when I'm wondering what I'm going to write about, picking up my camera and heading out for half an hour or so and photographing whatever I see is a great way to fill up a journal entry!

The thing about that walk yesterday is that once I'd left the Senior Center, I was committed to doing the whole thing.  I was off the bus route and though Walt was home, he had no car, so it was either hobble home or sit on a corner somewhere until somebody I knew came along.  Before I became a bus rider, I called the only cab company in town for a quote on how much it would cost to drive me from Logos to home (slightly longer, but not much, than my walk yesterday).  I was quoted $30.  So obviously I was not going to call a cab!

With no car here today (Walt rented one this afternoon, so we have a car again), and not wanting to hobble farther than the living room, I spent a bit of the day following an Amazon link that my friend Pat sent to me this morning.

It's for the Hutzler 571 banana slicer, presumably the winning model after 570 failures.  Originally retailing on Amazon for $9.98, it is now on sale for $2.74. 

Since my sister-in-law is a banana lover--and a buyer of weird kitchen gadgets, I may, in fact, have purchased one for her many years ago, presumably an earlier version of the 571.

But the deal abut this banana slicer is not its price, or whether I bought one or not, it is the comments of the people who have chosen to review it for Amazon.  This is a true gem that has, right now, 2,632 reviews, and growing by the hour.  I must share some of them with you.

SW3K writes: For decades I have been trying to come up with an ideal way to slice a banana. "Use a knife!" they say. Well...my parole officer won't allow me to be around knives. "Shoot it with a gun!" Background check...HELLO! I had to resort to carefully attempt to slice those bananas with my bare hands. 99.9% of the time, I would get so frustrated that I just ended up squishing the fruit in my hands and throwing it against the wall in anger. Then, after a fit of banana-induced rage, my parole officer introduced me to this kitchen marvel and my life was changed. No longer consumed by seething anger and animosity towards thick-skinned yellow fruit, I was able to concentrate on my love of theatre and am writing a musical play about two lovers from rival gangs that just try to make it in the world. I think I'll call it South Side Story.

Mrs Toledo adds: What can I say about the 571B Banana Slicer that hasn't already been said about the wheel, penicillin, or the iPhone.... this is one of the greatest inventions of all time. My husband and I would argue constantly over who had to cut the day's banana slices. It's one of those chores NO ONE wants to do! You know, the old "I spent the entire day rearing OUR children, maybe YOU can pitch in a little and cut these bananas?" and of course, "You think I have the energy to slave over your damn bananas? I worked a 12 hour shift just to come home to THIS?!" These are the things that can destroy an entire relationship. It got to the point where our children could sense the tension. The minute I heard our 6-year-old girl in her bedroom, re-enacting our daily banana fight with her Barbie dolls, I knew we had to make a change. That's when I found the 571B Banana Slicer. Our marriage has never been healthier, AND we've even incorporated it into our lovemaking. THANKS 571B BANANA SLICER! 

Not everyone was happy with the product, though.   "Disappointment" wrote, I received the Hutzler Banana Slicer as a gift from a friend. I am very disappointed that there were no instructions on how to use it. I even gave it to my toddler to try since she showed me how to use my iPhone but even she was confused. Now I have to send it back :( 

MAZZ was also not happy:  At 1st I thought they had forgotten to include the power cord. Then after a full day of looking at it intensely, I realized it must run on batteries like most technology these days. I could not find a place on it anywhere for a battery! I thought.. "of course , it must be solar powered!! duh!" So I left it out in the sun for a full day of charging. Imagine my frustration when I tried to use it and nothing. IT JUST SAT THERE ON THE COUNTER!! After about a week, I finally gave up on it. Meanwhile, MY BANANA TURNED BROWN. I can't begin to tell you how furious I was. I decided to forget about the banana and just use the 571 as a hamster ladder. He escaped. THANKS HUTZLER 571 BANANA SLICER... for making my life a living HELL! 

But Keith Rasmussen was positively poetic in his review:  When I first saw the 571 silhouetted by light as it hung on the display, my heart beat a little faster. The curvaceous form, so delicate yet classical, lyrical yet provocative, spoke to my soul. As I moved closer the fullness of its features left me breathless. I had to have it. I quickly looked around, and saw with a shock that others also wanted the 571. I could not wait. Yet I hesitated, fearful of the commitment required. But rental was not an option. I could not have other hands on the beautiful Hutzler, so I leapt to the display and with a song in my heart, fully dedicated myself to my own Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer.

Once at home, the first time I sliced a banana with the 571, it was a tentative slice, over all too soon, the fruit slightly bruised by my clumsiness. Yet a wave of contentment washed over me: the Hutzler 571 and I had bonded.

I have sliced many bananas since. Some days I have used the 571 in the evening and then again before breakfast. My Banana Slicer has never disappointed. However, I must issue this warning. If you, as I did, begin to feel ennui at the repetitiveness, the flawlessness consistency of its performance, do not go as I did, and get more 571's. At my low point even two was not enough to satisfy. I was using three 571's at a time. Many bananas fell as fodder for my obsession. More 571's do not return the joy of those first banana slicing moments. No, in the morning light I would awake after slicing more bananas than a crank fueled Zoro at a fruit stall and find that I felt as debased as a forsaken pinto bean in a Juarez gutter. I tell this tale as a caution to those who would own a 571. Go gently. Respect your banana slicer. Care for your 571 and it will faithfully serve you sliced bananas after sliced banana just when you need them most. 

Lemme tell you, when your muscles hurt, there's nothing better than sitting back and reading reviews of a banana slicer.  I've only shared a few.   Check out the other >2,000 for yourself!