Sibling Day

Today is apparently National Sibling Day.  People all over Facebook have been posting photos of their siblings and expressing love and/or affection for them.  I wish I could do the same thing.

Karen died in 1971, at age 24.  We were 4-1/2 years apart and so that would make me about 5-1/2 or 6 in this photo.  I was pregnant with David (who also died at age 24) when she died.  I never saw her after she was shot, nor during the six weeks she lay in a coma in a convalescent hospital, or later when she lay in her coffin.  My mother felt it would be too upsetting for me in my delicate condition.

I have many regrets about Karen.  I regret that we were never close sisters.  We were oil and water and I don't really remember doing much together, or doing those "sister things" that people on Facebook are remembering fondly today.  

We had different clothing styles, so we never giggled over clothes and borrowed from each other.  We never did each other's hair (my mother did hair for both of us until we moved out of the house).  I don't remember us ever sharing sisterly secrets.  We shared a room but I don't have those warm sister memories.  When I listen to my mother talking about her many sisters, I am sorry that I don't have that memory with Karen.  The only shared "thing" we had with each other was how to cope with our father's mercurial temper.

I also regret that we never had the chance to be friends in adulthood.  When she left home, she led a very secret life for about 2 or 3 years and rarely contacted anybody in the family.  We found out later she was living with a female lover which was why we were never allowed to visit her apartment.  She even made up a name for her girlfriend and it was not until she finally decided to come out to my mother that we learned that she was living with someone we actually knew.

When that relationship broke up and she had another girlfriend, Bernie was instrumental in bringing her back to the family. We all grew fond of Bernie. I have shared before that Karen and Bernie came for dinner one night, their first visit to our house. I made a Mexican dinner and Karen brought the best salsa I had tasted.  She was going to give me the recipe.  I remember so clearly that we had such fun that night and as she left the house I thought to myself "maybe now that we are adults, we can finally be friends."

Two days later, Bernie pumped several bullets into Karen's chest and head and she never regained conciousness.

I felt guilt during the days following her death, as we made funeral plans.  Everyone assumed this was a huge emotional tragedy for me and I felt guilty that it was not, that I was aware I was pretending grief because while I was sorry she had died, I did not feel the traumatic loss that I should have felt for the loss of my sister.  My pain at the funeral and following days was watching my mother suffering grief, and my father, stone cold and withdrawn in his anger toward Bernie, shutting everyone out and letting us know this was "his" tragedy, not ours.  

In the following months as my parents' marriage fell apart and both of them took to confiding in me, trying to pit one parent against the other, I remember standing at Karen's grave and mentally yelling at her for going off and leaving me all alone to deal with this mess.  (I don't so much get angry with her now, but every so often when the situation with my mother closes in, I do send her a few angry messages for not being here to help me make decisions about our mother)

Even today, I posted a message about not having a sibling to share Sibling Day and many kind people sent words of sympathy and I feel guilty because I didn't need sympathy.  It didn't feel right.  It felt that everyone felt more sorry for Karen's death than I did.  And that makes me feel sad and bad.

I may not have a sibling any more, but I made sure that my kids have siblings...even if they don't have as many as they used to.

Today at Logos

Logos was infested by ants today.

Red ants.

Very big red ants.

Actually, the ants are part of the exhibit by our artist for the next month or two,  Jeffrey Granett.  The bulk of the works he posted throughout Logos reflect images from a number of reflections seen on buildings, distorted enough to make them abstract.

The ants, however, are made with linoleum blocks, he told me when he came in today to check and make sure that everything is still hanging the way he hung it originally. 

He seemed a nice guy and it was nice to meet him, though other than the ants, I find it hard to relate to his art!

This is the other linoleum block piece that he brought.  It sits over the desk and is actually kind of cool, when you see it in person.

So....today was a very. slow. day.  It was kind of the opposite of last week, where Anne had a dull morning and I had an active afternoon.  She sold over $100 in books today, I sold $32.  It was also Ann's last day filling in for Sandy.  I have missed Sandy and am looking forward to hearing about her vacation when she returns next week.

I chose "Moll Fladers" to read today, since we had seen a show last night about Mary Frith, a notorious pickpocket, pimp, and fence of 17th century London underworld, and DeFoe's book is apparently based on her...an absolutely fascinating woman.

This seemed to be "couples day" as most of the customers were couples, like the first one that came in and left so quickly, I hardly had time to notice them.

But the next customer came in with 3 bargain books and when she had paid, she thanked me by name.  I don't have a clue who it was.

The next guy, with a bike messenger bag came in and left quickly, as did the next couple of girls, but I knew from the minute they walked through the door they would not stay long.

I was shocked when a red haired women in an Indian print vest, with a bag over her shoulder that had fringe longer than the bag itself walked past me from the back of the store.  She was rather unique looking and I had not seen her enter and wondered if she had been there in the back when Ann left.

A farmer walked in.  He was wearing Osh Kosh overalls with a plaid shirt and a farmer's hat.  He had a box of every Doonesbury book ever printed up to a certain point to donate.  They were "like new" he told me, because he never had time to read them. Since the books were packed in a Westlaw box, I'm wondering if he was actually an attorney, not a farmer.

As he left, he shook my hand and said that he would be back to see if we had more Star Trek books (he bought all we had last time he was in, he said)

A older middle-aged couple came in and the husband asked "do you mind if we browse?"  He and I talked about various book stores that have come and gone in Davis and he left after buying a book on world economics.

Two middle-aged couples came in together.  One of the men looked around and said "wow!" and they looked around for quite awhile before all 4 left without buying anything.

A younger couple came in (there were four couples in the store at this point) but they didn't buy anything either.

My new friend Jim (who had brought me a Lawsuit CD a few weeks ago) came in with his daughters, age 7 and 10.  They each bought a book and the younger one, after looking at Jeffrey Granett's art work, signed his guestbook saying "I like your pictures."

Another couple came in and left after buying a copy of Shakespeare's Twelfth Night.

And yet another couple came in, he wearing a Vietnam hat and a shirt with the name of a Navy vessel on it.  He told me that their son had recommended Logos, and I filled in the information that the store donated proceeds to charity (that always impresses new customers).

A brusque, no-nonsense guy came in with 3 bargain books, tossed $3 at me, chose bookmarks for each book, and marched out again.

The last customer was a woman who was looking for Diana Gabaldon books, so naturally we talked about the "Outlander" series.  I found Book 3 and 4 for her, but she was looking for Book 2.

Peter arrived to relieve me at 6, and Walt showed up shortly after that.

Patience

It was a bad memory day at Atria.  I had new pictures of Brianna and Lacie that I had framed for her.  She was  thrilled with them and said "oh...what cute little girls" but then said "who are they?"  I pointed out that they were her great-grandchildren and she said she didn't remember ever seeing them before (though she sits across the room from several photos of them and tells me every day how cute they are).  She then suggested that I write their names on the back of the frame to help her remember.

I'm afraid I was not in a good mood today.  My cousin Niecie was there and my mother made that disgusted sound when she said "what do you think about her hair?" and then when we went into the dining room to sit with Margaret, she rolled her eyes and turned to Margaret and asked "what do you think of her hair?" I'm getting tired of her disgust over my hair, though when people comment, she corrects herself and says I "did a good thing" but her attitude tells me that she's still disgusted by my appearance.

Her back pain is getting worse and as I watched her wince while getting out of her chair, I suggested that maybe we should go see the doctor again.  "NO!" she shouted at me.  She won't take pain medication, and she won't try using a walker, though she tells me "you don't know what I dol"  No.  I just know that she tells me nearly every day that if she ever has to use a walker, I should just shoot her.

I was glad Niece was there.  Niece is perpetually upbeat and only sees the good and positive in her visits with my mother, but then she only sees her every month and a half or so.  I'm afraid that today I could not share her joy in being there.

It's not her fault.  Of course it's not her fault and I'm a bad person for being upset about it, but some days my tolerance is just a little bit lower than other days.  I should always keep my father in mind.  As his father got more and more feeble, my father's anger at him got worse and worse.  He hated that he had to help his father walk.  He hated when it took him a long time to do anything.  When he was in his last hour in the hospital, my father went out to get a haircut for the funeral and he died in my mother's arms, while my father was not there.

After the funeral there were copious tears and stories about what a great guy his father had been.  Just not when his body began to fail him (though he didn't add that).  My mother has been my hero most of my life.  I should think of that, and not the things that frustrate me on days like today.

* * * *

Walt and I are attending a theater festival at the university.  Five student-written plays, 2 last night and 3 tonight and last night was a blatant example of how we are not part of the world in which today's young people live.  Heck, our kids are not a part of that world!

First, at the intermission, we all had to file out of the theater and wait in the hall.  I was taken by the difference in the feet...from the boots on the wheelchair to the tattooed bare foot, to the contrast between the tan boots and the purple trainers.

The second play was about the world of cell phones and everyone in the cast spent the whole show on their cell phones, the light of the phones shining up on their faces.  The dialog was "internet speak" with terms like OMG and LOL and discussion about the use of winkie faces and Bitmojis (an example of a Bitmoji is at the left, they are individually designed using a caricature of your own face that you design on the site).  I was glad that I have been around this internet world long enough that I actually know what a Bitmoji is and have used them from time to time.  So I could kinda sorta follow the action and get a sense of what message they were trying to convey, but in the talk-back with the director after the show, it was clear that everyone in the audience (all college age) thought it was brilliant and accurately displayed the life of the normal college student and his/her relationship with the cell phone and how face to face relationships were affected.

We were obviously not the target audience!

The End of the Purfuit of Happineff

The More Or Less Meme

Stolen from: The Archives

3 (or more, or less!) things...

1. ...you cannot live without.

2. ...you CAN live without, but cannot seem to part with.

3. ...you wish to accomplish this COMING week.

4. ...you have accomplished this PAST week.

5. ...on your holiday (or non-holiday) 'wish list.'

6. ...you would like to change about yourself.

7. ...you like about yourself.

8. ...you should be doing right now instead of what you ARE doing.

9. ...in your life that could use a little more organization. attacks on such laws will lead to people being placed in concentration camps and killed. - See more at: http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/beck-criticism-indianas-religious-freedom-law-will-lead-concentration-camps#sthash.CsJ9jMje.dpuf

attacks on such laws will lead to people being placed in concentration camps and killed. - See more at: http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/beck-criticism-indianas-religious-freedom-law-will-lead-concentration-camps#sthash.CsJ9jMje.dpuf

It was with great sadness today that we learned ofhe death of Stan Freberg. For those who may not know who he was, he was an author, recording artist, animation voice actor, comedian, radio personality, puppeteer, and advertising creative director.

He started out as a voice actor with Warner Brothers and then with Disney for movies such as Lady and the Tramp and Lambert the Sheepish Lion.  He also played Wile E. Coyote's father.  He made several movies and was George Lucas' first choice to play C3PO, but turned it down and suggested that Lucas use Anthony Daniels.

Freberg was such a huge part of our lives, from childhood.  I remember that when my parents got our first television that I liked to watch the puppet show, Time for Beany, which later became the cartoon, Beany and Cecil.

But I really first paid attention when he started making records which were big hits in the 50s and 60s, parodies of popular songs like 'The Great Pretender' and Harry Belafonte's 'Banana Boat Song' (I still can't listen to Belafonte's version without waiting for Stan to "come through the window" because he has been locked out of the recording studio for being "too shrill, man...too piercing." His parody of the Lawrence Welk show "turn off the bubble machine..." became a classic.

My Girl Scout troop once did a lip sync to his St. George and the Dragonet.  We loved his "Green Christmas" which showed the true meaning of Christmas ("Christmas has 2 Ss in it--and they're both dollar signs").  His "Elderly Man River" is an oft quoted bit in our family, since we always tried to be "mindful of the tiny tots."

He had his own radio show, which was a replacement for Jack Benny, in 1957 but it couldn't find a sponsor.  Freberg, not wanting to be associated with tobacco companies, created his own products such as "Puffed Grass -- it's good for Bossie; it's good for me and you."

He also was the creator of some wonderful commercials, like Contadina tomato paste ("who put 8 great tomatoes in that little bitty can?") and Jeno's Pizza Rolls.

When I met Walt, we learned we both had a love of Stan Freberg.  I think we have all of his records, but it was his "Stan Freberg presents the United States of America: Part One" which became an integral part of our lives.  It parodies the history of the United States from 1492 until the end of the Revolutionary War in 1783. In it, Freberg parodied both large and small aspects of history. For instance, in the Colonial era, it was common to use the long s, which resembles a lowercase f, in the middle of words; thus, as Ben Franklin is reading the Declaration of Independence, he questions the passage, "Life, liberty, and the purfuit of happineff?!?" Most of that particular sketch is a satire of McCarthyism. For example, Franklin remarks, "You...sign a harmless petition, and forget all about it. Ten years later, you get hauled up before a committee."

The album also featured the following exchange, where Freberg's Christopher Columbus is "discovered on beach here" by a Native American. Skeptical of the Natives' diet of corn and "other organically grown vegetables", Columbus wants to open "America's first Italian restaurant" and needs to cash a check to get started:

Native: "You out of luck, today. Banks closed."
Columbus: [archly, knowing what the response will be] "Oh? Why?"
Native: "Columbus Day!"
Columbus: [pregnant pause] "We going out on that joke?"
Native: "No, we do reprise of song. That help ..."
Columbus and the Indian together: "But not much, no!"

All of our kids grew up with "The History of the United States of America."  I think at one point David had it memorized.  

When news of Freberg's death hit Facebook, people all over the place were responding with quotes from their favorite bits.  There is a wonderful piece by Mark Evanier, which I loved.  When I started looking for links on You Tube, I was pleased at how many there were.  It was fun to relive them again.

Rest in peace, Stan...and thanks for the memories.

No, No, Don't Thank Me

I've mentioned before that I participate in the web site Swap Bot, where creative people go to exchange creative stuff with other creative people.  Since I don't really have a creative bone in my body, my exchanges are usually postcards or journals.  I also participate on a discussion board for people over 50, where I have made some nice friends.

My most recent swap was something called a Magpie Journal, which is simply 50 pages of junk that you collect during the course of a month and put into a book.  It can be anything from a recipe to a DVD.  When I made my book, it had a lot of variety, but there was a preponderance of theater program covers and ticket stubs, because that's what I have the most opportunity to collect.  But I also included business cards, a large collection of return address stickers, postcards, post office receipts, menus, the newspaper article about Ned and me getting shaved, etc.

Thank god that the post office has "flat rate envelopes" now or the thing would have cost me a fortune to mail.  Getting into the lowest rate package was kind of like Prince Charming trying a glass slipper on one of the ugly stepsisters, but I DID get it in and so the package sent for something like $5.50.

Today I received the Magpie Journal that my partner had made for me.  Hers didn't fit in the lowest rate package and just barely fit in the next higher priced envelope.  It almost looked like she had mailed me a soccer ball, the way the thing was stuffed and bent to fit the envelope.

But what a treasure trove.  I felt like a kid on Christmas morning, opening up her little envelope of goodies from post cards to stickers to bookmarks to a bunch of other things.

The journal itself was filled with a lot of oddball things, like copies of nursery rhymes, lists of her favorite movies, the entire text of Poe's "The Raven" and a couple of recipes.

But one of her lists was of Useless Facts, some of which really were fascinating (or at least interesting) and so I thought I would share with you.  Are you ready...?

1. Most American car horns honk in the key of F, while most toilets flush in E flat (I wonder what key that gawdawful screech that follows the flush of our downstairs toilet is in)

2. Reindeer like to eat bananas.

3. A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.  (Guess that's where they got the term "hog heaven.")

4. There is approximately one chicken for every human being in the world (and I have more than my fair share)

5. A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.

6. A Boeing 747's wing span is longer than the Wright Brothers' first flight.

7. There are one million ants for every human in the world (and here I thought I had killed at least that many already...which may explain why we haven't seen any in awhile).

8. A giraffe can go without water longer than a camel

9. A bull can inseminate 300 cows from one single ejaculation (gee...think what a pig could do!)

10. Cats have over 100 vocal sounds, while dogs only have about 10.

11. Non-dairy creamer is flammable

12. There are more plastic flamingos in the U.S. than there are real ones.

13. Hot water is heavier than cold.

14. A fart is 59% nitrogen, 21% hydrogen and 19% dioxide.

15. You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.

There. . Don't you feel smarter now?

I'm going to go burn some calories...

When Does It Become Gluttony?

I said I was going to do it and I did.  This is what I fixed for dinner tonight, Easter night.

It's a ham sandwich and stuffed eggs.  I realized that when you don't go to church, you aren't having lots of family over for a big dinner, and when you have no little kids to plan an Easter egg hunt, there really is no point in fixing a fancy dinner just because it's Easter.  I could get the same effect with a lot less work.

Actually, the real reason why I didn't fix a big dinner was this:

This is the brunch I had today.  We decided that since I couldn't get a reservation for brunch at Atria, we would take my mother out for brunch.  Ned said he'd come with us (Marta was at a class). We picked her up at Atria and I brought her a pretty Easter basket of flowers.  She said she didn't even know it was Easter (though we had talked about it yesterday, and 30 minutes before I showed up, when I called her)

Perpetually confused whenever we leave Atria, my mother couldn't remember for more than 2 minutes where we were going and what we were going to do, but once we got to the restaurant, she figured it out.

The Black Bear Diner, which has been in Davis for many years, but which we had never tried before, was actually our third choice. We were supposed to meet Ned at our first choice, but he called from there telling me it was packed and there was a line out the door.  He had also checked another restaurant nearby and it was the same situation.  So I told him we'd meet him at the Black Bear, which turned out to be a good choice.  It was packed, but the crowd thinned quickly and we didn't have all that long to wait.

The menu is a faux newspaper and it is filled with food choices.  I could see instantly that there was no way my mother could choose from among her options.  She can't figure out whether she wants soup or not at Atria, when she has it every day.  I gave her a choice of 3 of the smallest orders I could find and that worked better (like giving a kid the choice of which clothes they want to wear rather than having them choose from the vast selection in their closet).

She has become like Walt's mother in her last years before she became essentially housebound.  What was on the order she had was 2 scrambled eggs, bacon, and toast and Ned also ordered fruit for her because she usually has fruit for lunch every day.

When it came she was angry that they would serve her so much food when there was no way she could eat that much.  Walt's mother did that for years.  As I get older and less able to eat a full plate of food any more, I understand the frustration, though restaurants certainly aren't going to start serving smaller portions to people they think may have small appetites.

The portions here were particularly large.  Ned and I both ordered eggs Benedict and my mother was appalled to think we could even consider eating that much (in truth, most of my hash browns were not eaten, and Walt ate most of my fruit).  I did manage to get down both eggs, but I left the place overly stuffed and didn't want to move all afternoon, much less think about fixing dinner.

Walt had ordered corned beef hash...

...which came with the largest biscuit I'd seen...and then he finished my fruit on top of it, so he certainly wasn't ready for a full sized dinner either, so both of us were happy with a sandwich and stuffed eggs.  We have the night to sleep it off before we are thinking of food again.

Sunday Stealing

The More Or Less Meme
Stolen from: The Archives

3 (or more, or less!) things...

1. ...you cannot live without.
-- Air
-- Water
-- Books

2. ...you CAN live without, but cannot seem to part with.
-- TV
-- Computer
-- Sad Memories

3. ...you wish to accomplish this COMING week.
-- Brunch on Easter with my mother
-- Review 3 shows
-- Try a new bread recipe

4. ...you have accomplished this PAST week.
-- Wrote to several of my Compassion kids
-- Finally got an addressed package to the post office
-- Two nice lunches (is that an accomplishment?)

5. ...on your holiday (or non-holiday) 'wish list.'
-- Visit the Sagrada Familia in Barcelona
-- Be physically able to navigate around Venice
-- Swim in the ship's infinity pool

6. ...you would like to change about yourself.
-- My tendency to procrastinate
-- My inability to care about housekeeping
-- My sometimes crippling shyness
(I should add that my desire to change any of these things is quite low)

7. ...you like about yourself.
-- My sense of humor
-- I like to think I am a kind and caring human being
-- My passion for causes I believe in

8. ...you should be doing right now instead of what you ARE doing.
-- Folding laundry
-- Finishing 2 letters I started
-- Straightening ... anything

9. ...in your life that could use a little more organization.
-- My desk
-- The family room
--  "Straightening up their hair is all they ever do
      Why don't they straighten up the mess that's inside?"
                                                 From "Why can't a woman be more like a man" from My Fair Lady