Bittersweet

Sunday was a bittersweet day from start to finish.  We started at Atria, meeting Ned and Marta for brunch, to celebrate my mother's birthday, which is tomorrow.

We've been over this for a week or more, but she didn't remember, of course.  After her surprise that I was there, she was surprised again when Ned and Marta showed up, and especially when they wished her a happy birthday because she never realized it was her birthday.

When we all went to lunch, she asked why and then was surprised to find out it was her birthday and then as we sat down, she was astonished to learn it was her birthday.  One thing about dementia--you get a lot of nice surprises!

For lunch we asked for two servings of brownie with ice cream.  Walt wanted one of his own and Ned, Marta, my mother and I shared the other, which Ned cut into 4 equal pieces.  She laughed when served, then looked away and when she looked back, she asked where that had come from and why were we having dessert and then was surprised to find out it was her birthday.

To my surprise, when we returned to the apartment, a woman, pushing a woman I had never seen before, knocked on the door.  The woman who knocked obviously knew my mother and it was someone I had never seen before, which pleased me because my mother kinda sorta recognized her, which means she has made friends with someone on the staff.  Anyway, the woman was bringing her a card and a piece of cake (which will sit in the fridge until I finally throw it away next month)

All things considered, except for the dementia part, it was a good day, she was in good spirits, we laughed a lot and then Walt and I went home, while Ned and Marta spent another 3 hours or so there until time to go to our second event of the day.

The second event was the memorial service for our friend Dave Fisk.  One of the things they included was a video that had been made by an organization he was part of, which is only 6 minutes long and was so perfect to show Dave, his history, and his family.  If you'd like to see it, you can find it here.

It was a beautiful memorial and the Art Center, where it was held, was packed.  By serendipitous chance, the gallery where they hold periodic exhibitions had no shows up at the moment, so they used the gallery to showcase Dave's watercolors and mementos of his life.  Really a lovely way to see the whole of Dave's life.

There was a beautiful memorial service, with memories by almost everyone in the large Fisk-Bonneau family.  This is their second offspring funeral (oldest son Greg died of cancer many years ago), and they are also a performing family, so, like us, they know how to do a good memorial.

Dave had been the announcer for Davis Little League games, so after the memorial, we all walked across the street to the Little League field, where we all stood around and sang "Take me out to the Ball Game," rooting, rooting, rooting for the Red Sox, Dave's favorite team.  

Afterwards, several people, big and little kids, ran the bases of the field.  This is a picture of Dave's brother Chad coming into home plate (I was sorry he didn't slide!)

It was a loving day and we saw lots of people we had not seen in years.  I also hugged Dave's brother Jason, retired now, but formerly defensive tackle for the Vikings, with whom he played Super Bowl XXXIV, and other teams.  I had not realized a person could be so tall or so muscular!  The man's a rock and, like everyone else in his family, one of the sweetest people you'd ever meet.

So it was with mixed emotions that we left the memorial.  Both events had been full of love, but also touched with sadness.

Sunday Stealing

1. Do you like making lists?
No.  I'm a terrible list maker.

2. Do/did you play sports with your siblings?
No.  I only had one younger sister and there was 4-1/2 years between us, we lived in the city and I don't remember us ever doing anything athletic together.

3. Would you rather go to a University or a community college?
I went to a University (UC Berkeley) and should have started at a community college.  I might have learned about how to go to an institution of higher learning. But then I would have missed all the special friendships I made during that time...and there would have been no Pinata group, so all things happen for a reason, I guess.

4. What’s your favorite kind of bread?
Hard to say.  Depends on my mood.  I grew up on balloon white bread, which I still love, but I also love cheese bread and nut breads.  Not crazy about whole grains, as a general rule (entirely too healthy), though in my bread baking days, my favorite bread was a cracked wheat bread that had a cumin flavor.

5. What toppings do you like on your pizza?
Sausage and mushroom.

6. What color or design does your shower curtain have?
Some kind of amorphous blue swirls.

7. What kind of car does/did your mom drive?
She loved her Lexus, but when she moved into Independent Living she gave it to Jeri, so it now lives in Boston.

8. What’s on your cell phone’s home screen?
Ned with Brianna, Lacie and Ned's dog Bouncer.

9. Do you like to watch the National Geographic channel?
Love it, especially specials on elephants.

10. Are you the type of person to correct a survey maker’s grammar and/or spelling?
Sigh.  Yes.  It's too drilled into my psyche by all those Irish nuns.

11. What color is your microwave?
That silver color that is so popular now.

12. Do you have a fan in your bedroom?
I have a small fan on the table next to my recliner and a stand alone fan on the other side of the room.

13. Mountain Dew or Sprite?
Neither.  I don't think I have tasted either so wouldn't know the difference.  I prefer water, or if I'm going for a soft drink, diet Coke (rarely).

14. Does it rain a lot where you live?
I live in California.  We haven't seen rain in years.

15. Do you shop at Walmart regularly?
Never.

 

16. Does it bother you when animals lick themselves?
Only when they lick their butts and then want to give me a kiss.

17. Have you ever been to a Trader Joe’s?
Yes, regularly.  I love Trader Joe's.  We recently got one here in town and it may be the most popular store here, especially for the university students.

18. What’s the longest time you’ve ever been stuck in traffic?
When you live where I live, traffic is a way of life.  I can't even think of "the longest," but probably somewhere on the Los Angeles freeways.  I recently was in this line of traffic trying to get home from Sausalito.  But this is pretty normal.  I listen to audio books.

19. Do you wear black a lot?
I don't think I own a pair of slacks that aren't black.

20. Are there stairs in your house?
Yes.  One flight up to the second floor.  Stairs are harder and harder for me, the older my knees and hips get.

21. Have you ever held $500 in cash?
I'm sure I have, starting as a grammar school kid, when I counted the collection after Sunday Mass.  (It was a large, fairly affluent Catholic church.)

22. Do you like onions on your burger?
Yes!  Especially carmelized onions.  When I was a kid spending summers with my cousin Peach, we used to have raw onion and mustard sandwiches on balloon bread.  Yum...

23. Could you ever give yourself a shot?
Sure.  I have a high pain threshold and no fear of needles.

24. Do you wear shoes in the house?
No.  Fuzzy socks.

25. Have you ever worked as a cashier?
I sort of do that now, working in the book store.

Saturday 9

Welcome to Saturday: 9. What we've committed to our readers is that we will post 9 questions every Saturday. Sometimes the post will have a theme, and at other times the questions will be totally unrelated. Those weeks we do "random questions," so-to-speak. We encourage you to visit other participants posts and leave a comment. Because we don't have any rules, it is your choice. We hate rules. We love memes, however, and here is today's meme!

 

Saturday 9: Working My Way Back to You (1966)

Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.

1) We're celebrating the last holiday of summer with The Four Seasons. Which season is your favorite?
I love spring because of all the blossoms and wild flowers and the deep green of the hills, but the problem spring is that it's followed by summer, my least favorite season.  So my favorite season has to be autumn because of the fall color, the cooler temps, and knowing that it will be followed by winter, which I love.

2) Before they settled on The Four Seasons, they called themselves The Four Lovers, The Romans and The Village Voices. If you were/are in a band, please share the name. Or just make up a cool name for your pretend band.
I was never in a band, but my kids started a 4-piece band called Doughboys which grew to be a 10-11 piece band called Lawsuit, which achieved some fame in California for about 10 years. They were about ten years too early to make it big.

3) Lead singer Frankie Valli has occasionally fudged the year of his birth. Have you ever lied about your age?
Never.  I think it's silly.  I'm proud of having made it 72 years.  (I don't dye my hair either)

4) Frankie Valli, Frank Sinatra, Jon Bon Jovi, Bruce Springsteen ... New Jersey has given us many music superstars. What is your state known for?
Discovery of gold, California wines, the birth of the hippie movement, the movie industry, and such famous names as Natalie Wood, Clint Eastwood, Steve Jobs, Monica Lewinsky, Danny Glover, Benjamin Bratt and a host more.

5) In 1965, Frankie was arrested in Columbus, Ohio. But it wasn't his fault! The bandmate he trusted to pay the group's hotel bill neglected to do so. Tell us about a time when your trusting nature got you in trouble.
Without going into detail, there was a friend to whom I loaned a lot of money and have never seen it (or heard from her) again.  My friend Gilbert always said "never loan money unless you are willing never to see it again" and I made the loan with that in mind.

6) Clint Eastwood directed the movie version of the Four Seasons biography, Jersey Boys. What's your favorite Clint Eastwood movie?
I'm not a big Eastwood fan and don't generally see his genre of films, but I did enjoy Space Cowboys.
 

>Since Labor Day is the holiday established to celebrate the American worker …

7) According to the U.S. Census, more and more Americans are working from home. Are you one of them?
I'm retired, so yes, except for the plays that I have to go to see in order to write a review for my part time job as theater critic.

8) Of those of us who work outside the home, 75% travel to work alone. 15% take public transportation and the remaining 10% carpool. How do you get to your job?
I get up in the morning, grab a cup of coffee and walk into my office, which is off the family room.

9) Do you have any big plans for this holiday weekend?
Saturday night I am reviewing a show; Sunday we are having lunch with my mother to celebrate her birthday* and in the afternoon going to a memorial service for Dave Fisk, who died August 27.  I also have to be sure to write the review that day so I can submit it on Monday morning.

>  *My math has been off.  All this past year I've been saying she is 96 and going to be 97, but she's actually 95, going to be 96, so she has another year to go before she hits 97.  I don't know when I got the numbers off!

Today at Logos

Today Logos was a good diversion.  I learned this morning that someone I love dearly has had a terrible diagnosis and I don't know what is going to happen, but I needed the world of books and customers to keep me from curling into a ball and fighting tears all day.

Sandy's granddaughter was there again today and the two of them left for "froyo" (frozen yogurt) and promised to return shortly to get their bikes.  There were 2 customers in the store when they left, neither of whom bought anything.

I found the David Gerrold book that I started last week still on the shelf where I'd left it.  I have been reading my own copy here at home and figured I could get the book finished during my work day today (I did).  As I sat at the desk reading I was aware that someone in the store was wearing perfume.  It made my nose itch.  I haven't worn perfume since the 1980s when a friend of mine had a virulent reaction to most scents.  Before that I neve rrealized that people could be made so sick by scent.

Two girls came in together and wandered around the store together and together bought 4 bargain books, 1 science fiction. 3 Literature books, 1 contemporary fiction. 2 books on gardening, and 1 book of fairy tails.  Total ~$46.

They were followed by a large nondescript man who bought a book on military history.

A congenial couple came in and didn't buy anything...yet, but were amazed to learn of the store's policy of donating to charity and said they would return.

A tall, thin but muscular woman with short curly brown hair bought "Joy Adamsob's Africa," (written by the 'Born Free' lady)

A cheery guy came in and we talked about what nice weather it was today.  He bought a book called "Gaga Feminism: Sex, Gender, and the End of Normal, which Amazon tells me is "a roadmap to sex and gender for the 21st century, using Lady Gaga as a symbol for a new kind of feminism."

A woman who taught band for decades here in Davis came in with donations.  She took our hand cart out to her car to get them, while I was frantically trying to reach Walt to have him remind me what her name was.  It was someone I knew very well, but had not seen in a long time.  I even sent text messages to Jeri. I never did reach Walt or Jeri until she was gone, but she wanted a receipt, so I had her leave her contact information and that is how I remembered her name, though after she left, I realized she had never mentioned MY name either, so I suspect we were both mentally thinking "what IS her name???"

A guy who had put a bargain book on hold that morning came in with a dollar to buy it.

A grandfather type came in looking  for children's books I Spanish but our "other language" basket had lots of languages, but only one Spanish one.  He did buy that one.

An older bearded guy with saggy blue jeans, a lanyard with keys on it around his neck, his glasses perched at a rakish angle on his nose, and digging deeply in his ear with his finger checked out old books, then self improvement and ended up just buying a bagain book of "History of the Greek City States."

Two women came in together. They were the upper end of middle age and one had bleach blonde hair in a French twist to the top of her head where it swirled decoratively.  She was wearing an aqua blue lacy blouse with a matching aqua blue purse.  She looked at cookbooks, then asked if we had a book by actress Livf Tyler o manners. Apparently the women had come from Fairfield and Walnut Creek and they, too, liked the philosophy of the store (but didn't buy anything)

A buxome blonde in a black top so tight that I might have worried about a wardrobe were her boobs not too big to pop out accidentally.  Sorry she didn't buy anything!

A woman bought a Hemingway, then returned because she lost her receipt.  She looked through the book (where I'd put it) four times and finally found it.

My friend arrived at 4:50 and bought a book from the Literature section, but I forgot to look at the title. We discussed David Gerrold when he saw the book I was reading.

A man with his hat pulled so low over his eyes he never made eye contact, but bought 4 bargain books and paid by credit card--my first credit sale of the day!

The next customer was the most interesting of the day.  She looked like she was ready to begin The Amazing Race, though smelled like she was in the middle of it.  I couldn't believe the size of her backpack.  She is from England and she had just hiked 280 miles from Mt. Whitney to I don't know where.  She traveled alone and she said she did it in 11 says, but as that is ~25 miles a day, I wonder if I got the figures right.  But she dove into the literature shelves because she said she had nothing to read for 11 days. She bought a 700+ page book by George Elliot.  Nice girl.

Right on time, dog trainer Cayce Wallace and her walking group passed by, about a dozen dogs on leashes learning how to be well behaved on city streets.

My last customers were a mom with 3 girls in skinny jeans and heavy eye make up (at least one of them).  After doing a lot of searching they spent $50 on

• 4 Contemporary fictions
• 1 philosophy (the youngest girl bought that)
• 1 book of poetry
• 1 thick music anthology
• a mythology book and
• a biography

Walt was late coming to pick me up because he was coming from a meeting.  I had developed a sore throat over the course of the afternoon and all I wanted to do was go home and lie under a quilt, which I did.  He cooked his own dinner.  By about 1 a.m., I was starting to feel human again.

A Flurry of Excitement

Today was Lunch at Atria day and it had a bit of a different twist to it.  For one thing my mother's back has really been bothering her.  So much so that she let out a shriek when she went to sit down and she can't make it all the way from her apartment to the dining room without sitting down.  But she doesn't need to see a doctor.  Not her.  The doctor told her 10 years ago that when it hurts she should just sit down and that's what she does.  Of course it's not possible that the disintegration in her coccyx has worsened, 'cause the doctor told her all she had to do 10 years ago.  I'll tell ya, for a woman who has always been so intelligent about everything except her health, she can be really stupid sometimes.  That Christian Science upbringing that she discarded decades ago pops up whenever it's convenient.

I'm going to take a different track with her.  I'm going to leave the decision of whether to see the doctor or not up to her BUT remind her that the thing she is most terrified of is being incapacitated and the fact that her pain is getting worse is a sign that the back is getting worse and if she doesn't get it checked out, she may very well end up incapacitated.  OR it may well be that she won't be incapacitated but will have to use a walker to get around, another huge fear (she's above all those poor people who use walkers.  SHE doesn't need a walker!)  Let's see how that goes over.

Someone in the Memory People group on Facebook suggested we try medical marijuana.  That had never occurred to me, and having zero experience with marijuana, I wouldn't have a clue where to find it or how to use it.  But it is something I might explore if the doctor thinks it might be a good idea.

But anyway, we eventually got to the dining room and "her" table was full, so we sat at the empty table next to it.  As she was sitting down, she got this funny look on her face and I looked off to the side and there was Loretta entering (on her walker, I might add).  Loretta, as I have said before, is my mother's best friend at Atria.  Neither of them knows the other one's name, though they have been friends for two years, but they enjoy each other so much, especially when they have wine with their meals.  They like teasing and insulting each other, just like my mother and her friend Paula do and I just love it.  Meals with Loretta are my favorites.

As usual, my mother poured over the menu before deciding on fruit salad and vegetable soup, and then couldn't remember what she was going to order.  When they brought her vegetable soup (which she has every day), they had added extra vegetables on top of the broth and she looked disgusted and tried to decide why she had ordered that.  She obviously was not going to eat it, so I took the veggies floating on the top of the broth off and put them on a separate plate and then she recognized her order and she ate the broth. 

We were enjoying lunch when suddenly there was a shout of "HEY!!!"  It was a woman who is probably the youngest resident of Atria, but I think she is there because she is in a wheelchair and probably this was the best place for her.  She was shouting "Is there someone who knows the Heimlich maneuver?  We have someone choking here!"

At the table next to her, on the other side of the room from where we were sitting, suddenly all the wait staff and some of the Atria facility people surrounded this woman and I guess managed to successfully "heimlich" her but there remained a lot of people around her for awhile until they were sure she was OK. 

As for my mother and Loretta, they kept insulting each other throughout the rest of lunch. At one point I asked Loretta which of her children she had in Davis and she told me it was her son.  I asked her how many children she had and she couldn't remember.  She thinks she has grandchildren. She just remembered that they have taken away an sharp objects in her apartment and are choosing her clothes for her and she now has to wear colors she never wore before.

It's easy to see why she and my mother are such good friends.  And the best thing is that when they are together, I have no qualms about joking about the fact that neither can remember anything.  They just laugh at me and with each other.  I'm sure they never see each other outside of mealtimes, but they do enjoy their meals together.

Training, Part 1

Today I had my first training session for my new job as a volunteer at the information desk at Sutter Davis Hospital, sorta my old stomping grounds.  When I managed the ob/gyn office, it was in the building next door, the Medical Office Building (MOB).  Now I learn there is an MOB-1 and an MOB-2.

I didn't learn a lot and there was very little actual "training" going on, but I did get my feet wet and learned a couple of things and brought home printed material to digest.  I suspect that when I finally start working the job, it will be a matter of learning as I go along, learning the lingo, learning where the relevant materials are kept and which corridors to direct people down when they need help.  A lot of on the job learning will take place.

We started, however, in Human Resources, where I got photographed and had my badge printed.  Now I need to find a lanyard.  Somewhere around here we should have one from Viking.

She took me to an office where I filled out a time card and she tried to get a uniform for me.  I had long ago decided that a vest, as opposed to a shirt, would be better and more likely to fit.  However, she pulled out a medium size vest that would have fit half of me.  Someone told her where the new vests were and she went through every package on the small shelf looking for a large (though the "large" shelf was two shelves above her head).  I told her that I needed at least an extra large and there were none available, so we just went without for now.

There is a lengthy list of things that should happen during training, but a good number involve getting me up and running on the computer, but it turns out only one guy can do that and he's on vacation for the next couple of weeks, so all I could do was sit and watch my trainer mumble about things on the computer that I couldn't get into.

There was a big brouhaha when a woman came in to report a maroon van which had obviously been abandoned in the parking lot.  She was quite upset about it, so since the woman didn't want to go back outside to get the license plate number, my trainer went out herself and came back to call security, which, as it turns out, is private security hired by the hospital and they have no authority to remove a car.  But he would report it to Davis police.  I actually expected something much worse when I went out to the parking lot (it was parked two slots over from me).

It is quite dirty and has a flat tire and has obviously been there for awhile, but we'll see what happens with it.  I almost want to drive out there tomorrow to see if it's still there.

Anyway, I felt pretty useless most of the 3 hours I was there.  I leafed through a binder that seemed to have "how to" information in it and looked at the file drawer, but mostly I just sat there.  Toward 11:30, she decided to give me a tour of the hospital, much of which I knew, but it was nice to put it in perspective.  We ended up in a building that I thought was MOB-2, but turned out to be MOB-1, so redesigned that were it not for the staircase leading up to where my office was, I would not have recognized it (my tour guide wasn't sure right away which building it was, since she is rarely there).

We ended up in the birthing center and the minute we walked through the door I was hit with the lovely familiar smell of women giving birth and new babies and all that goes along with it.  I smiled because I fondly remember visiting my friend Lynn when she was a midwife there. 

When it came noon, I suggested that I leave, and the trainer said she would call me when the computer guy comes back and when she has another trainer for me.  Thank goodness.  I really would like a bit more of an aggressive trainer.  This woman has been there for 12 years and obviously knows the job inside and out and I have no doubt she is wonderful at her job, and is obviously well liked.  She's just not really a very good trainer.

I had to sign out on my new time card and I was pleased that one thing I learned was the security code to get into the sign-out room

I suspect I won't really start volunteering until after we get back from our cruise in November.

Leviticus

Remember every good Christian's favorite bible version, Leviticus 18, which is trotted out whenever anyone wants to justify discrimination against gay people?  You know the one about not lying with a man they way you lie with a woman (which I figure makes lesbianism OK 'cause it isn't addressed).

Leviticus 18 was the inspiration for my very favorite West Wing moment.  President Bartlet encounters a Dr. Laura type radio personality:

President Josiah Bartlet: “I like how you call homosexuality an abomination.”

Right Wing Radio Personality: “I don't say homosexuality is an abomination, Mr. President. The Bible does.”

President Josiah Bartlet: “Yes, it does. Leviticus.”

Right Wing Radio Personality: “18:22.”

President Josiah Bartlet: “Chapter and verse. I wanted to ask you a couple of questions while I had you here. I'm interested in selling my youngest daughter into slavery as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. She's a Georgetown sophomore, speaks fluent Italian, always cleared the table when it was her turn. What would a good price for her be? While thinking about that, can I ask another? My Chief of Staff Leo McGarry insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly says he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or is it okay to call the police? Here's one that's really important 'cause we've got a lot of sports fans in this town: Touching the skin of a dead pig makes one unclean. Leviticus 11:7. If they promise to wear gloves, can the Washington Redskins still play football? Can Notre Dame? Can West Point? Does the whole town really have to be together to stone my brother John for planting different crops side by side? Can I burn my mother in a small family gathering for wearing garments made from two different threads? Think about those questions, would you?"

I love how the Bible, Trump's favorite book (which is so special to him he won't name a single bible verse that he likes or a single story that has inspired him) gets pulled out whenever someone needs the rationalization for doing something that I find abhorrent.
You know what Leviticus 19 says?

And if a stranger sojourn with thee in your land, ye shall not vex him. But the stranger that dwelleth with you shall be unto you as one born among you, and thou shalt love him as thyself; for ye were strangers in the land of Egypt: I am the Lord your God.

Of course we all know that the only people coming here from Mexico are criminals and rapists ("and I suppose a few good people") and it's our duty to do all we can to keep this bad element from entering our country, no matter what Trump's favorite book advises.

We have apparently become a model for the rest of the world as well.  An estimated 9 million refugees have fled Syria, trying to find shelter in EU countries.  "After escaping a devastating war, frustrated Syrian refugees in aid-starved neighboring states say they must now choose between joining an exodus to Europe or "returning home to die".

But nobody wants them.  Once they have managed to get across North Africa and Turkey, trying to reach Germany, they are stopped at the border in Hungary, which has built a razor wire fence and threatened to imprison anybody who breaches the fence for up to three years.

 “We are going to communicate to them: ‘Don’t come to Hungary,’” says Zoltan Kovacs, the government’s chief spokesman. “’Illegal border crossing is a crime. Do not attempt it, or you are going to be arrested.’”

But what are those millions of people to do?  Their homeland has become an inferno that shows no signs of abating—in four years, half the country has been killed, displaced or forced to flee. Many of them have no homes to which they could return.

I don't know what the answer is, but my heart hurts so much for these desperate people trying to find a safe home, many of them trying to reach countries that know all too well what it's like for a population to be decimated.

Somebody needs to read Leviticus 19.