And Life Goes On

"You look depressed," Walt said to me over dinner.

I hadn't realized it showed.

It's nothing unusual, just the same old stuff.

I went to visit my mother today, since I hadn't seen her for a week, due to our being in Santa Barbara.  I stayed my usual hour and at one point I wondered which was worse -- having your mother die, or having her live, but not the person you've known all your life. 

I wanted to share with her the things we did, since she always wants to know what I'm doing that's exciting. I gave her an outline of the things we did, who we saw, where we went.  She looked passively through it all and then said what she always says "Well, life goes on whether you want it to or not."  Then she told me she's old.

I brought my iPad so I could show her photos.  Each time she saw Bri in a photo she would say "who is that little girl?" and when I told her she'd ask who her parent was.

We went through the weather discussion several times -- is it hot or cold?  It can't be hot because I can see a leaf moving, so there's a breeze.

I tried family news.  I told her that my cousin Donna is moving out of Marin county.  She didn't know who that was.  I said "Remember Shirley had the three daughters with D names -- Debbie, Denise and Donna?"  She said she guessed she had never met them.  When prodded she did remember that Denise comes and gives her manicures.

She reminded me she's old.  She really looked old today.  Kind of limp and, the usual staring out the widow, uninterested in anything.

I asked her if she had heard from Ed (her stepson on whom the sun rises and sets) and at first she couldn't remember who that was.

Compared to things I read in my dementia support group on Facebook, I am so much luckier than many people, who are dealing with parents with really severe dementia and Alzheimers, but I just wish I could ignite a spark in her for anything.  I was thinking of dear Nancy, who died of Alzheimers a couple of weeks ago.  To the end, every photo you saw of her she was smiling broadly and enjoying life, even if she wasn't sure who the people around her was.  I would love to see a smile like that on my mother's face.

I miss my mother, dammit, and I don't know how to get through to this nice, vacant old lady who is sitting in her place.

But life goes on...whether you want it to or not.

I have two potential new ventures coming up.  A reviewer for another newspaper is having to give up for health reasons.  I have been asked (by another reviewer) if I might be interested in her job.  I'm going to contact the editor tomorrow about it.  I would not give up the reviewer job that I have now, but would rewrite my Enterprise review into a shorter format for the other paper.  I am told the job pays better.  It would be nice to have get two checks for one show.

I also answered an ad looking for volunteers at Sutter Davis Hospital.  There were several open slots where volunteers work and I decided to check out the information desk.  So I have an interview on Monday to see about that.

Finally, I had the sad news that Shallon, a girl I have sponsored in Uganda for the past 5+ years has now aged out of the program and is going to be starting her own hairdressing business.  This is the girl who has called me "Mother" since she lost her own mother several years ago.  She is one of my best letter writers and I feel closer to her than any of the other kids.  But this is what the program is all about...helping the kids to where they can be self-sufficient, and contributing members of their community.

i was able to write a "good bye" letter, which I worked on for a long time today.  I also sent her a 5x7 photo of a picture of the two of us I had made using PhotoShop and PiZap.  They say I have a goodbye letter from her in the pipeline as well.  It will leave a hole in my heart to lose her, but I'm so proud of all she has accomplished.

...and life goes on ...

Home Again, Home Again

Yesterday was a somewhat busy day, complicated by both computer problems and a transformer outage in the neighborhood,  which kept turning the power on and off, the wi fi on and off, and the TV on and off.  I didn't want to risk keeping the computer plugged in so I just decided not to post an entry for yesterday.  The computer had other problems -- I tried rebooting, which I had not done in literally years, and discovered I could not remember my password.  That was a half hour panic until I finally remembered it, but then Front Page, the program I create these pages in, seems to have disappeared.  I was going to worry about that after everyone went to bed, when I could fall to pieces alone and unobserved, but then the electricity in the whole house started being wonky, so I just decided to skip an entry and write one today.  (I still have to find Front Page on my laptop) 

Alice Nan went off to Tom's at 3:45 a.m. to get him and the family to the Santa Barbara Airport for the first leg of their trip to Hawaii.  They were the first to leave this family weekend.  When they posted this photo to Facebook, we knew they had arrived safely.

Everyone still left in town came to Alice Nan and Joe's for brunch. I had made an "egg run" to Albertsons when they opened, so we had lots of eggs.  We sat around and chatted for awhile before Joe and Norm took off for the golf course to have their usual game.

Jeri and Phil were the next to leave the nest and fly home to Boston.  After packing up some leftover picnic food, they left mid afternoon for their 10 p.m. flight out of LAX and by the time we all woke up in the morning we all had text messages saying they had arrived safely.

We didn't do much after the golfers came home until approaching dinner time.  We had a butt load of food...plus all the clams we had forgotten to bring to the BBQ.  Joe set up Tom's big cooker (he made fried turkey in it one year) and proceeded to steam the clams.

We said our goodbyes to Ned and Marta who were leaving this morning to return to Davis, and we all went to bed.

I had a terrible night, possibly one of the weirdest I've spent.  I collapsed early, while everyone was still sitting around talking, and woke up for the first time around midnight.  For some reason I do not understand at all, I woke up thinking of Lisa Brodoff from The Righteous Mothers, and her wife, Lynn.  I've met each woman once and other than seeing their posts on Facebook, have had nothing to do with them.  Ever.  But after midnight, I woke up every single hour and every. time. I woke up thinking of Lisa and Lynn.  They never DID anything or said anything in the dreams, they would just be there in my mind when I woke up.

This morning it was business as usual, with Joe heading off to work and Walt and I leaving for Davis while Alice Nan, Norm and Olivia were going into town to meet someone for lunch.  It was good to be back home again, but those all-family-all-the-time days are fun too. 

The dogs were very happy to see us again.

Much Meat was Consumed

This is just the chicken and the salmon.  There were also several tri-tip roasts, a leg of lamb, and spare ribs.  The only reason there weren't any clams was because we'd forgotten and left them at home.

Yes, Tom's annual "happy birthday to me" barbeque has taken place and was another roaring success.  Tom collaborates in work and cost with Alice Nan's husband Joe and the end result is enjoyed by (depending on the year) anywhere from 30 to 60 people.  This was one of the "light" years, but still a lot of meat was consumed.

It is also a time for the girls to get their fill of "Uncle Ned," who, this year, worked with them on sand castles, there on Santa Barbara beach (this portion untainted by the recent oil spillage).

Later, Jeri and Bri spent an hour or more building what looked like a "castle subdivision" with one large castle (complete with American flag) in the center, surrounded by lots of smaller castles.  Kind of like sailing down the Rhine...

Jeri declared the experience to be "awesome."

There was cake, which I ordered with a Hawaii theme, since Tom et al. are leaving for Maui at 4 a.m. tomorrow (leaving Santa Barbara for the Los Angeles airport to catch at 6 a.m. flight)

And, because it is us there had to be music.

This little girl is Lily.  I'm not sure who she is, but she was the most excited of anybody about the music and danced to everything.  I wish I had been able to take a better picture of her.

Stanley was there, giving Tom what he gives him  every year -- another 49er t-shirt.  (Last year he forgot and gave him a shirt of a different team)

When everyone was getting ready to go home, Marta and Phil cut up the leftover cake and shared it with the family in the area next to where we were.

So it was a great success and I hope that Tom has a fabulous time in Hawaii after all this because he certainly has had quite a week...starting with our anniversary dinner last week, the BBQ last night, and today's big bash.  I'm quite proud of our now-youngest son!

Rules and Regulations

What do old people talk about when they are alone together?

Joe made pancakes for breakfast this morning, which we all enjoyed.  Then we sat around discussing things that had happened with Bri yesterday.  At some point I decided to go take a shower while I didn't have to fight at least 3 other people for a turn.

When I got out and returned to the living room, there was a lively discussion going on about the rules of hop scotch.

The discussion turned so serious that I ended up on Wikipedia while Olivia was finding "how to" videos on You Tube.

Fascinating, the internet.  Did you know that it is guessed that hop scotch (originally called "scotch hoppers") originated with the Romans, but the rules were not written down until 1635 in a book called "The Book of Games" by a guy named Francis Willughby.  It is also a pretty universal game.  In India it's called Stapu (though India seems to have many different names, depending on the geographical location), in Spain Rayuela, in Israel Klahss, in the Netherlands Hinkelen, in Croatia Skolica, in Malaysia Tengteng, in Mexico Mamaleche (interesting name!), in Cuba La Pelegrina, in Brasil Amarelinha, in Scotland Peevers, in Albania Rrsavi, and in the Philippines Piko.  I'm sure there are lots more variants.

In Australia, hopscotch is played in stages. First stage is played by hopping per the standard rules. Once this stage is complete, the player is promoted to the next stage called "jumps" where the player jumps into each square with two feet. Final stage is the most difficult stage called "sizzles", which is similar to jumps except the legs are crossed. The first player to complete all three stages wins.

In France they play a version called "escargot" because it is a round form

(Those French always have to be different!)

This in-depth discussion, complete with video, did not lead to a game of geriatric hopscotch.  I doubt that I could get to 2 these days without breaking my leg!

It was a very lazy day.   By 3 p.m., Walt and Norm still not had taken showers. I went off to the store to order Tom's birthday cake to be picked up tomorrow.  Norm was settled in to watch golf, and then baseball.  I went back to sleep after going to the store and slept for more than an hour.

In the late afternoon everyone went to Costco to buy food for tomorrow's picnic.  

(apparently there was a dress code.  I didn't get the memo)

I opted to stay home and read my book.  I am turning into Marta, who spends most family social occasions in a different room reading a book.  There is something to be said for that, though I am sure we are both considered anti-social.  I find the older I get the more the loud noise of crowds, even people I love, begins to get to me and I really just want to get away somewhere with a book for awhile.

For dinner we went to Family Movie Night (with tacos) at Tom & Laurel's.  We sat around communicating with each other.

Lacie decided to be a superhero (that blue thing that says "Santa Barbara" on it is actually her t-shirt!)

While eating Tom's delicious tacos, we sat around outside watching cartoons.  1930s Mickey Mouse cartoons were particularly entertaining, especially as the guys tried to figure out how a football game could have a score of 96-96)

 

The Recipe

We were promised rum punch.

When Ned's godmother called the other day, she invited us to come to the house for lunch and to meet their neighbors.  She also promised that Dick would make his famous rum punch.

Dick's mother was originally from Trinidad and in our UC Berkeley years, he gained some fame by mixing his grandmother's rum punch (using Trinidad rum, not that Baccardi stuff) for all of our parties.  He still makes it on special occasions, and I felt very special indeed when the tattered recipe book came out and he prepared to make it yet again.  It was like looking at a page from an ancient text from Hogwarts.

Dick got out his bottle and vials of mysterious liquids and soon had a batch of the golden elixer ready for us.

It didn't make us want to run out and play a game of quidditch, but it was lovely to sit on the patio, with the coolish-warmish breeze blowing across our faces, and having a nice chat over goat cheese and crackers. (I am determined to learn to like goat cheese.)

Gerry is a wonderful cook and the lasagna was delicious, the lemon meringue pie even more so.  The neighbors were very pleasant and after they excused themselves to go home to tend to their garden, we sat around and talked for another hour or so.

But then it was time to return to Alice Nan's to go with Brianna to her karate class.  She had spent the morning at "Zoo camp" and was now ready for the afternoon activity.  When we arrived here, Ned and Marta had already arrived and all of us went to the center where the karate class was to be held.

Bri graduated recently from white belt to yellow belt.  And let me tell you, if you're ever depressed and feel like life isn't worth living, drop in on a class of 5-8 year olds learning karate and you can't help but smile.  They are so darn cute.

Bri, who has been posing for cameras her whole life saw me with mine and immediately struck a pose.

But her attention thru the whole class was on Uncle Ned, hiding off behind a post trying to catch her unaware.

She found him every time, though, sitting up straighter and grinning at him.

Watching the kids go through their moves was so cute.  The teacher is teaching them how to defend themselves and I decided that if any one of them were to be attacked, they could get away easily enough because the attacker would be laughing so hard at their fierce and determined moves!

Before the class was over, Norm and Olivia had arrived, and not too long after we arrived back and Joe and Alice Nan's house, Jeri and Phil got here, so we were all together again for dinner and then everyone went off to their respective places of repose for the night (Ned, Marta, Jeri and Phil to Tom's house, the rest of us here).  I conked out on the couch while everyone was chatting and didn't wake up until 3 a.m.

Down 101

In "East of Eden," one of my favorite books, John Steinbeck waxes poetic about his beloved Salinas Valley. 

The Salinas Valley is in Northern California.  It is a long, narrow swale between two ranges of mountains, and the Salinas River winds and twists up the center until it falls at last into Monterey Bay....

I remember that the Gabilan Mountains to the east of the valley were light gay mountains full of sun and loveliness and a kind of invitation, so that you wanted to climb into their warm foothills almost as you want to climb into the lap of a beloved mother.  They were  beckoning mountains with a brown grass love.  The Santa Lucias stood up against the sky to the west and kept the valley from the open sea, and they were dark and brooding--unfriendly and dangerous.  I always found in myself a dread of west and a love of east....the morning came over the peaks of the Gabilans and the night drifted back from the ridges of the Santa Lucias.  It may be that the birth and death of the day had some part of my feeling about the two ranges of mountains.

Every time we drive to Santa Barbara on Highway 101, as we enter the Salinas Valley, I think of Steinbeck.  The valley starts at the town of Salinas itself, home of the Steinbeck Museum, and wends it way 30 miles south to Gilroy, the garlic capital of the world.  With its working farms, construction equipment, big trucks kicking up clouds of white dust as they cross over the highway, and lines of cars moving in both directions the valley is not as beautiful, I suspect, as it was in Steinbeck's day, but still the green fields, where there are green fields are lush and beautiful and dotted with farm workers bent over tending to the crops.  Even now, in the midst of drought there are fields with sprinkling systems going full blast, the sunlight bouncing off the water like diamonds.

As you approach Gilroy, the smell of garlic comes wafting through the windows and as you leave Gilroy there are cherry stands, just closing at 4:30, when we were coming through, but open long enough for us to pick up a bag of cherries to bring with us...our annual July habit.  The cherries are big and dark and juicy and delicious.  A nice complement to the bag of Fritos we shared for lunch!

On the approach to King City there is a line of tall trees...I wish I knew what kind they are, but they stand like a wall separating the highway from the foothills of the Santa Lucia mountains, and then the tree wall is gone and ahead we are approaching the town of King City, with the tall signs for fast food restaurants seeming to grow out of the very treetops of the forest around the city like odd looking flowers.

Then out of King City and into Oil Country, the ugly city of oil wells, all looking like those drinking birds we used to have as children, their heads bobbing up and down in the wasteland that is the ground around them.

We pass through Camp Roberts, a National Guard post, where all the California National Guard units train at some point.  It is difficult to tell from what you can see from the freeway that this is an army base.  It looks completely deserted, but presumably there is more activity away from the prying eyes of the public.

We are following Historic El Camino Real, following the 600 miles that connect the California missions, established by Father Junipero Serra and the Jesuit and Franciscan monks, stretching from San Diego north to Sonoma, north of San Francisco.  Many spots along the route are marked by these historic shepherd's crook signs.

We pass by a couple of the old missions, now repaired and open to the public, but pretty much invisible (or at least not obvious) to those zipping by along the highway.

I remember when much of the land around here was not yet overgrown, but now there are vineyards seemingly everywhere.

So much more beautiful now when they are lush and full, and heavy with grapes than they were on our last trip here when they are just starting to leaf out.

At one point we passed a herd of what looked like was probably from "rent a goat," where you rent a herd of goats to come out and eat all of your vegetation. I've seen them in overgrown fields around Davis occasionally These guys were all bunched up against the fence, munching away, and one little guy was climbing a bush.

I noticed when we passed through Paso Robles that the temperature outside was 80 degrees.  The highway here is divided by huge bushes of Oleander, in pink and white and, while I had been taking photos regularly on the way down to illustrate some of the places about which I have written, it was not until I tried to get a good shot of the oleander that I realized I had left the SD card out of the camera and had gotten NONE of the photos I had taken.  That this entry is illustrated at all is thanks to Google images.  I must go out first thing in the morning and buy an SD card!

By the time we had crossed over Cuesta grade and down into San Luis Obispo (31 miles from Paso Robles), the temperature had dropped to 73 and in another 13 miles to Pismo Beach it was 63.  As we had left triple digits in Davis, I was thrilled.

We stopped for gas as the sun was setting.  I checked my text messages and heard from Ashley that the dogs were doing well and that she had given Sheila extra treats.

It was about 9:45 when we finally arrived at Alice Nan's house.  We had been listening to a Harlan Coben book all the way down and it was nearly finished, but we will save the finale for the trip home.

It's nice to be here and I look forward to Tom's big annual BBQ on Saturday.

Some Reasons Why I Sponsor

June was a good month for letters from Compassion kids.  Twelve letters from an assortment of my 30 kids.  That's a lot.  These letters from the children are so heartfelt and so warm that I thought I would share a few quotes to let you see why it is that I sponsor and how wonderful these kids are.  (The little guys, under about 8, don't write their own letters...but these are samples from the older ones, who do...some of them in English)

1.  My house tasks are feeding of piglets, washing plates and others.  I want to work as a teacher when I grow up.  I want to help and teach children to learn more knowledge. Thank you for supporting me and guiding me through all the way. -Annie Rose (Philippines)

2. It is my pleasure to write to you again this wonderful morning that God has granted to us. I hope that you and your family are well and safe.  I am so happy today because every day in my life is always bright as a saying that says, "it always takes a smile to make a dog's day brighter." -Erik (Kenya)

3. Let me take this opportunity to thank God who has given me this golden chance to greet you in the name of Jesus Christ our beloved lord. The main issue of writing this letter is to thank you very much for everything you have done for me.  Like I thank you for the letters.  I would like to tell you that every day I pray to God  because God has made me what I am. I am happy with the verse you sent to me because it has improved me to have love with my friends.  I thank God and you very much because you have helped me in many things.  When my mother died, I didn't know that I was going to get another mother like you.  Praise the Lord.  -Shallon (Uganda)

4.  I am very sad about this news.  I pray for your friend Mike's soul and also I pray for Char's health and her five children's health.  God has given you all needs for your friend Mike and Char's family. Your wedding photos are so nice.  I wish you a happy wedding anniversary.  Your dress is so nice.  I like your veil looking very nice.  I like your church  I like music and songs very much.  I sing songs very well.  I wish you a happy wedding anniversary to next year.  -Anjali (India)

5. I'm fine, thanks God, because every time I read your letters I feel I was living those moments with you. I always think of you and pray for you so that God gives you everything you need, like in Philippines 4:13, "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me."  -Banesa (Haiti)

6. I sneeze especially when I get flu and cough.  My birthday has already ended; I had a nice party but it was not grandiose.  What about yours?  Have you ever sneezed?  How do you celebrate your birthday with your family?  Please pray for me so I can have more patience just like Solomon and that I can be intelligent like the three men Shadrack, Meshach and Abednego.  Please pray for my schooling and temperance.  I will be praying so that God can bless you abundantly.  -Briana (Haiti)

7. I thank you for your letters and prayers you have been giving to me.  Your letters bring joy to me any time I read them.  God bless you.  I pray that God will protect you from the hands of the devil and provide you all your needs.  Pray that God will help me end this academic year successfully.  -Emmanuella (Ghana)

8. I thank you for giving a lot of impressions and good messages to me, for the help, attention, gifts and prayers all this time.  I just want to say goodbye because I'll depart from Project now.  My goal after the departure from Project is to work to help my parents and siblings.  There are actually a lot of benefit I get from Project.  Project activity now really helps the progress of teens nowadays indeed, to educate and to create in any field.  -Esther (Indonesia)

9. Thanks for the letter and words of encouragement for me.  I am so happy when I read your letter.  Thanks for the picture.  What is the favorite sport of Brianna?  I like to play basketball. Thank you also for sponsoring me.  If I have no sponsor maybe I will be sad but I am happy that I have you.  Thank you for the gift I received.  We spent the money for the hospital bill when my mother gave birth.  My new sibling is a boy.  His name is Direk.  -Fred (Philippines)

10. It is nice that you are happy to help your cousin.  God will reward you so much in your mother's health and your cousin's too.  I will keep praying for your family and also for your cousin so it is God who does the miracle.  Greetings to Brianna and luck in the play.  I did not know what bowling was, but with the explanation you gave me, I understood and I will practice it to learn it very well.  Thank you for the explanation of bowling.  -Brayan (Honduras)

11. Today, I am so pleased to be writing to you.  It is like a water spring running in my heart. My activities are going well.  I was very happy for the letters and the nice pictures.  I love to look at them with my friends.  I have a little member of my family who is afraid of looking at the dog. -Miché (Haiti)

12. I am preparing to celebrate Christmas by serving the old people.  I will visit them and assist them with work at their homes.  I will also go to Church and after my service I wish you well and thanks for being a wonderful friend.   Murugi (Uganda)