No, No, Don't Thank Me

I've mentioned before that I participate in the web site Swap Bot, where creative people go to exchange creative stuff with other creative people.  Since I don't really have a creative bone in my body, my exchanges are usually postcards or journals.  I also participate on a discussion board for people over 50, where I have made some nice friends.

My most recent swap was something called a Magpie Journal, which is simply 50 pages of junk that you collect during the course of a month and put into a book.  It can be anything from a recipe to a DVD.  When I made my book, it had a lot of variety, but there was a preponderance of theater program covers and ticket stubs, because that's what I have the most opportunity to collect.  But I also included business cards, a large collection of return address stickers, postcards, post office receipts, menus, the newspaper article about Ned and me getting shaved, etc.

Thank god that the post office has "flat rate envelopes" now or the thing would have cost me a fortune to mail.  Getting into the lowest rate package was kind of like Prince Charming trying a glass slipper on one of the ugly stepsisters, but I DID get it in and so the package sent for something like $5.50.

Today I received the Magpie Journal that my partner had made for me.  Hers didn't fit in the lowest rate package and just barely fit in the next higher priced envelope.  It almost looked like she had mailed me a soccer ball, the way the thing was stuffed and bent to fit the envelope.

But what a treasure trove.  I felt like a kid on Christmas morning, opening up her little envelope of goodies from post cards to stickers to bookmarks to a bunch of other things.

The journal itself was filled with a lot of oddball things, like copies of nursery rhymes, lists of her favorite movies, the entire text of Poe's "The Raven" and a couple of recipes.

But one of her lists was of Useless Facts, some of which really were fascinating (or at least interesting) and so I thought I would share with you.  Are you ready...?

1. Most American car horns honk in the key of F, while most toilets flush in E flat (I wonder what key that gawdawful screech that follows the flush of our downstairs toilet is in)

2. Reindeer like to eat bananas.

3. A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.  (Guess that's where they got the term "hog heaven.")

4. There is approximately one chicken for every human being in the world (and I have more than my fair share)

5. A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.

6. A Boeing 747's wing span is longer than the Wright Brothers' first flight.

7. There are one million ants for every human in the world (and here I thought I had killed at least that many already...which may explain why we haven't seen any in awhile).

8. A giraffe can go without water longer than a camel

9. A bull can inseminate 300 cows from one single ejaculation (gee...think what a pig could do!)

10. Cats have over 100 vocal sounds, while dogs only have about 10.

11. Non-dairy creamer is flammable

12. There are more plastic flamingos in the U.S. than there are real ones.

13. Hot water is heavier than cold.

14. A fart is 59% nitrogen, 21% hydrogen and 19% dioxide.

15. You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.

There. . Don't you feel smarter now?

I'm going to go burn some calories...