Pictures

It is no exaggeration to say that over my lifetime, I have taken thousands of photos, but of them all, this one may be the most memorable.

 

Doesn't look like much, does it?  We were at the Paul Picnic and had just taken a group photo and this one was supposed to be those in the group who had performed with Acme Theatre Company.

I stepped in next to someone else to take a photo.  I was wearing, as I always do, my Birkenstocks.  The ground was uneven and there was a slight slope.  I could feel myself start to lose balance and tried desperately, using my cane, to steady myself, but it was too late. I could feel myself out of balance more and more and eventually ending up flat on my back in the dirt, my head down the slope.

As if that weren't embarrassing enough, when I am on the ground, I can't get up.  It's why I don't ever do exercises that involve getting on the floor, or getting on the floor to play with the grandkids.  We tried all sorts of things and ultimately it took three people, one on each side and one in front (and maybe someone pushing from behind) to get me on my feet again.  So glad that my kids and their friends are strong!

I expected to be more sore today than I am, so I guess there was no serious damage, except to my ego.

Before this photo, we had taken a group photo...

 

So I could be in the photo, Ned handed my phone to young Charlie, who didn't want to be in the picture.  I'm not sure how old Charlie is, but I think he's either in kindergarten or 1st grade.  Charlie took one hundred and forty photos, several of which looked like this.

 

It was another fun day.  The park, in Richmond (near Berkeley) has lots of nice picnic spots, many of which are up hills so there is a guy with a truck at the entrance of the park there to ferry people to where they want to go.  I got in the truck this time and he said "I remember you--you're with the musicians, right?"

We have had larger groups, but this was the core faithful.  Kag, who hosts this picnic every year, was at the BBQ cooking lots and lots of ribs.

 

And what I love about picnicking with musicians is that there is always music.

 

And its always a place where Walt can relax...

 

Each year as I look at the second generation kids of this group, I am reminded of how long Paul has been dead.  Milo is the oldest of the group, and he was not conceived at the time of Paul's death.

 

He's heading off to college this year.

Kag told me that the longer we do this, the more surreal it gets because all in the group are now middle aged and Paul is stuck at 30 and he realizes how different the adult group is than the group when Paul died.

But it's a nice tradition and I am glad that Kag continues to host it.

There was a large Hispanic group picnicking down the hill from where we were.  Parents and kids of all ages, including some toddlers.  I watched them all play and envisioned ICE jackboots marching in and ripping the little kids out of their parents hands and taking them off, losing them.  It hurt my heart so much, especially when one Mom climbed the hill where we were with a little girl who looked to be about 3 and was smiling and saying "I'll help you, Mommy." All I could see was someone picking up this little girl, terrifying her, and taking her away from her mother.  

Damn administration....

Death Wish

It was in July of 1986 when I developed freeway terror.  It was the night my friend Gilbert died and I drove to his house in San Francisco to "straighten up" (throw away the gay) before his straight-laced family from Oklahoma arrived.  It was late at night, I was obviously distraught and it terrified me being on the freeway.

That night I "knew" that I would die by a big truck rolling over on me.  I knew it.  To this day I am terrified of driving past a big truck.  For many years I was so afraid of just driving on the freeway that if I was alone, I would always, always choose the frontage road as far as it would go before getting back on the freeway.  An hour trip could take an hour and a half, but I avoided trucks.

Things are a bit better now.  I still "know" I will die in some terrible truck accident and I am still nervous just riding on the freeway, especially on a holiday weekend, when the accident rates are higher and I know whenever we leave the house that I will not make it back home again alive.

It ain't a fun way to live, but I compensate by either reading my kindle or sleeping to avoid looking out the front window where I know that my inevitable end is coming.

Today, Memorial Day, we had our annual Paul Picnic.  This is an event that Paul's best friend Kag started the year after Paul died and has continued every year since.  It is a gathering of as many of his friends who can make it in a park near Berkeley.  There is a big barbeque, lots of food, always music, sometimes games.  We have watched the kids in the group grow up, year after year.  The kid who wasn't even born when Paul died is now driving.  He is the oldest in the group and there are lots more (I never kept count).  It is Ned's version of the Piñata group and I love being around them.

It being the Paul picnic, I dressed in my FTS t-shirt that Kag, a graphic designer, gave to each of us the Christmas after Paul died.  It stands, of course, for "fuck this shit," which is what Paul told his wife once he wanted on his tombstone and which we decided to do, but to abbreviate it so that only those "in the know" knew what it meant.

So Walt and I got in the car for the ride that I knew would be my last on earth and as we were driving along I realized that if I actually were to die, it was appropriate that I was wearing the FTS shirt, but the irony of my shirt would be lost to the world, so I took a selfie to post on Facebook so that after I died everyone would know I died wearing the shirt.

But, of course, I did not die -- again -- and so I am able to talk about the picnic, which, as usual, was enjoyable.

When we got there Kag was busy at the barbeque, while all the little kids were off at the playground.

 

KC was sitting on a table with a bunch of others singing.

 

When the food was ready, Kag's wife was cutting up spare ribs and Ned's dog, Bouncer was very interested (though she never steals food off the table).

 

People wandered around eating and the singing continued.  I looked over at a table and there was my favorite moment of the day, Ned and Kag's youngest son, Henry, playing the guitar together.

 

Ned was giving Henry some lessons and I got all verklempt at how perfect this "torch is passed" moment was.

 

Later, when the sun came out, there was relaxing in the sun.

 

At around 4 p.m. we were packing up and Bart, the wonderful man who drives a golf cart and ferries people around the park to various campsites so they don't have to walk uphill came to get me and take me to the front gate, while Walt and Ned walked there together (the golf cart only holds one passenger).  

Then we were back in the car for the trip home and, so I wouldn't see it coming when that truck rolled over one me, I slept most of the way home.  We arrived safely.

Walt, exhausted, collapsed on the new couch we brought from my mother's, and fell asleep instantly.  Lizzie was confused about why he was just sleeping and not getting up to feed her.

 

I have defeated death one more time and lived to write another Funny the World entry.

78-93

It was 78 degrees when we left the lovely picnic in Berkeley and was 93 degrees when we returned to Davis, which is one of the reasons we went to the picnic in the first place.  I actually almost-sorta-kinda wished for a jacket on our walk back to the car, but I didn't really need one.

Today was the annual Paul Picnic, which Paul's friend Kag started the year after Paul died and, with only a few exceptions, continues to date, though today may have been one of the smaller groups.  It's been fun to watch the offspring of the Lawsuit group grow up.  The oldest of the group (who was not born when Paul died) is 6'3" now.

The picnic is held in a park in Berkeley and Kag and his family always get there early to grab the favorite picnic spot.  It's a slight schlep from the street where you park, but the park has a guy with a golf cart who sits at the gate and drives people to their location all day long.

(The most popular guy in the park!)

He took me up to the picnic spot while Walt went and parked the car.  While I waited for Walt to come I realized that I did not have my fanny pack...which held my phone, my camera, and my iPod.  My life!  I couldn't believe that I'd left it in the car and when the cart guy arrived with Walt I asked if he could go back to the car and get it.  When he returned, he said it was not there.  I couldn't believe I had lost it between the car and the picnic spot and the guy was going to drive us both back to the street so we could check together, when I found it--it had fallen on the ground under a wagon.  Whew.

So we were free to get to cooking our chicken, which I had been marinating for more than 24 hours.  I had seen a tea-based recipe that sounded interesting and decided to make that, but I had none of the key ingredients.  It was black tea and star anise primarily, and then you add cinnamon and sesame oil and soy sauce.  I used orange tea and 5 spice powder (which has cinnamon in it) and it turned out delicious.  And juicy!

One of the younger kids had brought a unicycle and Ned decided to see if he could still ride one, which he had learned to do many years ago.

Not so much!  His 49 year old muscle memory had atrophied. He did finally get it going and was able to ride a few feet.

Then Henry took his unicycle back and rode up the hill without any problem at all.

One thing I love about these picnics is that there is always music.

Pretty much all of them are now or have been professional or semi-professional musicians and song writers and it's always so much fun listening to them jam together.

I guess it was about 3:30 when we left, catching our friend the golf cart driver for a ride to the entrance to the park.  The only bad part about returning home was that it was like stepping into a sauna when we got out of the car. We were both so full when we got home, that we just picked at leftovers for dinner.  A really lovely day.

The Paul Picnic Returns

It was probably the year after Paul died when his best friend Kag decided we needed to have a "Paul Picnic" over Memorial Day week end.  It was a grand success...a bunch of friends getting together, with Paul the reason, but pretty much the forgotten picnic guest.

We had such a good time that it became a yearly event.  There was no picnic last year (things got busy for Kag and his family) and don't remember if there was one the year before (or if maybe we just didn't go then), but the picnic was back again this year.

Everyone brings food, there is a communical barbeque, games, and the fun of it all is watching how much the kids have grown in the previous year (and how Paul's friends have turned grey--they all have, but Ned wins theprize for the ost grey).  Every time I look at his friends settling into middle age and their children starting to think about college, it makes me realize how long Paul and Dave have been gone.

The last time we were at a Paul Picnic, the little kids set up "spas," where we each had the chance to get manicures, pedicures, and facials (usually putting cucumbers on our eyes, while they massaged our feet).  This year the kids set up a lemonade bar, where they had a container of simple syrup, one of lemon juice and then various fruits that they could squeeze into the glass to give the lemonade a flavor.  My cherry lemonade came with a slice of cherry attached to the rim of the cup, like an orange on a mixed drink.  Very cute.

I was thrilled that our friend Pat and Mike Hayes showed up for the picnic.  They live in Sebastopol and this was the first of these events they have been able to attend.  We haven't seen them in several years. Their daughter Siobhan was also attending for the first time (though son Joe, who was in Lawsuit, comes every year).  Mike and I both showed up wearing our Boston Red Sox hats (naturally I took a picture to send to Jeri)

Of course there was music.  There is always music at these gatherings.

And I found this cool lady bug.

The younger generation spent a lot of time either playing ball on the nearby hill, or at the playground a bit of a walk from the camp site.  The rest of us sat around, trying to find sunny spots (it was cold!)

 
All in all, just a nice, low key afternoon with friends of many years, most of whom I remember from when they were in grammar school!

The Paul Picnic, 2012

The thirteenth annual Paul Picnic was held today.  The first one was hosted by Paul's best friend, Kag, in 1999, shortly after Paul's death.  There has been a picnic at some time during the year every year since then.  It's kind of like the Gilbert Dinner.  We all know that the event started when Paul died, but it's become just a time to get together with friends and have a good time. We're the only "old guys" who come.

The original plan had been that Ned and Marta were going to spend last night at my mother's house and then drive Jeri to the picnic, but Ned got sick and missed both the birthday party and the picnic.  This did, however, leave Jeri with no way to get to the picnic.  We decided it would give us a chance for one more quick visit with Lacie and Bri, so we said we'd drive down and get her.

Sadly, we didn't get there in time to see the grandkids, but we did get to take a "goodbye picture" as Jeri said goodbye to Grandma again.

We got to the picnic around 1 p.m. and added our food to the table.   I had made lots of stuffed eggs, and Jeri had packed up all the leftover food from last night's birthday dinner, including a vat of spaghetti and meatballs and the leftover birthday cake (I had almost made a larger one...I'm glad I didn't!)

The most fun thing was a bunch of the little girls decided to set up a "spa" and give various spa treatments to everybody who wanted it.

(In case you can't figure out #4, it's "cucumber."   People also got cups of tea with their spa treatments.

Paul got a massage.

Jen and Lindsay got the cucumber treatment.

Sue got a manicure.

Jeri got the works, including foot massage.

We stayed until about 4, by which time it was getting cold and people were starting to pack up and leave.  Walt and I said our goodbyes to Jeri, who was flying back to Boston at midnight.  Walt opened the trunk of the car to put all the leftover food in it and discovered Jeri's luggage.  He had to walk all the way back to the picnic ground, she came back with him, and then he helped her carry it all back up the hill again.  But at least we discovered it before we drove home!

Musta Been the Jet Lag

I went off to spend a couple of hours with Brianna today...and didn't bring a camera. I can only assume the jet lag was still affecting my brain.

Neither Walt nor I comes from a military background (except for Walt's uncle, who served in WWII) so our Memorial Day activities are somewhat different than those who are honoring their family and friends who have served and perhaps lost their lives in this country's wars.

This does not mean that we honor their sacrifice any less, merely that there is no "Uncle Harry's grave" in any military cemetery to go decorate.

But in 1994, Paul's best friend Kag decided to have a "Paul Picnic," a day when we would just all get together, Paul's friends and their families, and have a good time together. The first one was actually held in April, but it has evolved to a Memorial Weekend picnic.

Tom called yesterday to let me know that he and the family were in Sacramento and to ask if we were going to be going to be driving down to Berkeley to the picnic, so I could spend a little time with Bri.

It was Bri who got me there. I was still feeling like a limp dishrag, but the time for fighting this jet lag has come and I needed to get out of the house and go DO something. I dragged myself to the car and we were about 10 minutes down the road when I remembered that I had not brought a camera. Walt asked if I wanted to go back and get it, but we were already later than I anticipated and I was afraid we might miss Tom altogether.

I didn't even have my cell phone to take pictures! But I finally demanded Walt's cell phone to take a picture of Ned watching Brianna eat ribs.

Then I just started taking pictures...of the group at the lunch table...

of Ned and Jen setting up the camera for a group photo...

...and of little Charlie when he finally fell asleep on his mother's back.

We left shortly after Tom and Laurel left. I'm still feeling like a limp dishrag and slept all the way home.

But it was a nice afternoon, and a nice Memorial Day tradition. Next time I'll remember my own camera!

The Paul Picnic

Memorial Day weekend, 1999, Paul's best friend Kag decided there had been enough doom and gloom and it was time to celebrate. So he and his wife Elizabeth invited everybody to the first annual "Paul Picnic" held at a park in Richmond (next town over from Oakland). We all had such a good time that it has been held every year since. Walt and I have gone to several of them. Walt's gone to a couple by himself. This year we went back for the 10th annual picnic.

Kag sent this year's invitation on April 20, with a photo of Paul attached.

"So, ten years ago today, the corporeal Paul left us. A lot has happened in that time. A lot I wish I could have shared with Paul. Since I can't, I'll do the next best thing – drink some bourbon with the folks that knew Paul best."

Of course, by the time we actually get to the park, the picnic has very little to do with Paul directly, except that several people wear the shirts that Kag gave to us all that first Christmas after Paul died.

I thought about wearing my shirt this year, but I wasn't sure where it was...and, more importantly, I didn't think it would fit. But several people did wear the FTS shirts.

Paul would have loved it.

I found out a strange thing about death and anniversaries and such on the first anniversary of Gilbert's death, when I took a ferry boat across San Francisco Bay to visit the place where we scattered his ashes off Angel Island. On the ferry there was a little kid running around and someone asked his parents how old the child was. "He's just a year old," they said. It was a physical reminder of just how long Gilbert had been gone. The lifetime of this toddler.

And so looking at Kag and Elizabeth's oldest son was a real reminder of how long Paul has been gone.

His parents had just gotten married and Paul performed the ceremony, shortly before he died. So he never knew when Milo was expected, or that he was named, not after Paul but for Paul. His father's name is Paul, so they couldn't name him "Paul" so instead his middle name is Travis, for Travis Bickle, the character Robert DeNiro (Paul's hero) plays in Paul's favorite movie, Taxi Driver.

I look at Milo and realize how long Paul has been gone.

But it was a lot of fun today. There was, of course, music.

And lots of little kids of all ages (from Milo down to the youngest, Noah and Jack, who were around 1 yr old)

Jack

Ned and Walt got some father and son time....

...while they drank their Old Chub beers

There were dogs, lots of good food, games, a playground nearby, and a long "creek walk." We left around 5 p.m., full and happy and got lots of hugs when we left the park. It's a really special tradition! Too bad Paul has to miss it.