"All This Crap"

Oddly enough this is not an entry about my mother.  But it is an entry about a lot of crap.  And about the detritus of a lifetime and the value of "crap."  My mother wouldn't understand it, as she seems to give no sentimental value to anything.

Walt and I rolled into Santa Barbara around 5 p.m.  Norm and Olivia had arrived yesterday and the activity for today was to sort through all the stuff in their mother's storage unit so it could be closed finally. It really did take everyone to be there to go through the boxes of knick nacks, photos, clothes, and...as my mother says..."all that crap."

They really had to go through everything with a fine tooth comb.  This box, for example. was filled with silverware, which nobody wanted, but within the pile was the silverware set that Alice had when she attended St. Mary of the Woods college, which had to be monogrammed with her initials...and Alice Nan wanted that, so they needed to go through every piece of silverware till they found the right ones.

I really didn't think we would be taking much of her stuff, but we have a surprising number of boxes to try to fit into our car.

Mainly I wanted a drop-leaf table that is just perfect for my mother's apartment, at least until her stepdaughter comes with the table she promised to give her.

We have to take Alice's table apart to make it fit in the car...and we have one box that is so large I'm not sure we can make IT fit at all, plus a couple of other boxes.  

 

Most of what I took were framed photos.  I haven't figured out if I am taking them for the framed photo or for the photo frame, which I will decide when we get back home again, but I took many more than I expected.

It was a fun afternoon, an emotional afternoon, and a profitable one too, as when they finish emptying the unit. they don't have to pay the monthly rent any more!

We came back to Alice Nan's house for dinner.  Joe's sister Joan is here too, so it is a full house.  Their mother has Stage 5 Alzheimers and as Joan and I compared notes, it seemed like my mother is mimicking Evelyn all the way, just a bit behind her.

After dinner, we played a rousing game of Apples to Apples, a card game where each player chooses 7 cards, each of which has a "thing" named on it.  The "things" are as diverse as :  Audrey Hepburn, a fat bastard, the World Series, cuss words, Simon Cowell, World War II, polkas, making the bed, and Yoda.  A definition is drawn from a second pack, like "puffy" or "insecure" or "regal" and it's up to the judge for that round to pick which "thing" comes closest to matching the definition.

It was VERY funny and fun...especially since I was playing it for the first time...and won.  We ended the game at 12:30 a.m.  Now all are asleep except me and I hope to be there myself soon.

BTW, Funny the World has apparently been acting strange today and some people have been unable to connect to it.  If you had problems, can you drop me a note in the guestbook section.  Probably not a darn thing I can do about it, but I'd like to know how many were affected.  I could get it on my phone, but not on my iPad and at first not on my laptop, but then I could get it on my laptop.  Whether this actually gets POSTED tonight is going to be interesting.

(Later:  It posted just fine but I couldn't call it up after it posted)

A Wake of Sorts

The traditional Irish Wake was commonplace around Ireland up until about the 1970's. This was the process of Laying out the body of a departed relative in the house where they lived and /or died. All of the family and quite a few of the deceased ones neighbours and friends would gather at the house. The body was usually in a coffin in the parlour of the house or living room. There would be lots of food and plenty of drink to be consumed. People would come and socialise and remember the departed person's life. This wasn't a time for tears to say the least, it was more of a party than a funeral. It was the traditional Irish way of celebrating one's life and ensuring that they had a good send off. A proper Irish Wake is worth the time and effort required to return to the old customs. It is hard to imagine a passing being complete without one!

Well, the body wasn't there, except in lots and lots of photos, but otherwise we probably had ourselves a good ol' Irish wake, that lasted all day and took place in more than one location.

The day started out with everyone except me, the heathen, going off to Mass. While they were cleansing their souls, I was cleansing my body. Then I took off for downtown to get a book printed and bound at Kinko's. In 1987, I did an interview with Alice, transcribed it, had it bound, and gave it to everyone in the family. This was the interview that gave me the information about Teddy Roosevelt and Will Rogers...only I mis-remembered and it wasn't Roosevelt, it was Warren Harding (go father back than FDR and they all sort of blend together for me!).

I remember at the time being a little disappointed that there seemed to be so little interest in it when I gave everyone his/her copy. But suddenly it has become a family best seller. Alice Nan couldn't find her copy so asked if I would bring our copy with us. The Baur side of the family hadn't even heard of it, so I had copies made for all of them as well. I left my book at Kinko's and they promised to have it for me by the end of the day.

The Baurs had all arrived by the time I got back and the photo project was in full swing.

While the women were choosing and arranging photos, the men were in the kitchen talking sports.

I was tearing my hair out trying to get photos printed, which involved using a strange computer, and software I've never used before. It would have been SO easy in my own computer but trying to learning something new under pressure when nothing was like I was used to was very difficult. The best I could come up with was this...

Which was very blurry, unlike the original. Getting this print involved scanning, copying to flash drive, moving to my lap top, opening it in Photoshop and discovering that it was a teeny tiny size, but when I enlarged it to this size (still too small for the photo board), it was quite blurry. By now I had been working at it for half an hour. At this point I told them they were going to have to use it, blurry or not. That was when Olivia told me that Joe's printer was also a copy machine and in seconds, she had copied it onto glossy paper and it looked just fine, and I felt like an idiot for not having known about the printer and suggesting it myself.

At 4:30 or so, we moved our part of the party over to Tom's, where Ned and Marta were rehearsing their music for the Mass tomorrow.

Jeri and Phil, who had come in on the red eye and then rented a car and drove up from Los Angeles, were exhausted and taking a quick nap before joining the rest of us.

I picked up the book I'd taken to Kinkos and distributed all the copies. Ernie retired to the living room to read the interview and get some material for his eulogy tomorrow.

Laurel was out in the back yard picking blood oranges off their tree to make blood orange margaritas.

Bri was just being her own cute self.

(so was Ned!)

We had a great dinner during which time Lucille and I kept Bri entertained for half an hour (and I was pleased to hear Lucille singing Eency Weency Spider...always knew there was something about Lucille I liked). We even got Bri to eat part of her dinner.

After dinner, Aunt Jeri read Bri a story or ten...

...then I watched her take a bath...

...while Ned was rehearsing for the big moment to come later.

The evening ended with everybody jammed into Bri's bedroom trying to sing for Ned's video. We laughed a lot. It was a good way to end the day. Tomorrow will be a bit more solemn, I think!

Dozens of Decisions

It's odd how any major life event requires the same kind of preparation--you find a place to have it, you make arrangements with the people who are going to run it, you invite people to come, you get decorations and food. Each aspect requires lots of decisions to be made, and so it was that we spent most of yesterday morning planning the funeral. Planning by committee is not always the most efficient way to plan an event!

There were questions involving the church -- what flowers would they allow, could we put up photos somewhere, what music was to be sung and by whom, who was going to do readings and who would deliver the eulogy.

There were questions about flowers and where to get them, what to buy, should it they be on an easel...and did the church have and easel?

There were questions about music and what we should have the church musicians sing, what Jeri should play, what Marta should sing.

Somewhere in all of this, we shared the death notice which was printed in the paper yesterday and we got word that Kayleen was going to be flying in from DC for the day. We were thrilled. This meant that most of the family would be here and Alice would have been so pleased.

We finally reached a point where discussion was finished and it was time to leap into action. We decided it would be more efficient to split into teams and so Alice Nan, Norm and Walt headed downtown to take care of the church and flowers, Olivia and I would go to Michael's Craft Store to get all the items needed to put up a photo display, and to Costco to get ink cartridges for the computer here so we could print off photos.

We all finished our chores at roughly the same time and had a telephone conference to decide where to have lunch. We decided to meet at Petrini's restaurant near the facility where Alice lived until she moved to the convalescent home. We pretty much staged a sit-in, so it was good that we arrived after the lunch crowd and before the dinner crowd. We were there for more than three hours.

At first it was just 7 of us, but as we were finishing our lunch, Ned and Marta arrived and then Tom. We were loud, as we always are, and, as I described it on Facebook, we "laughed and chortled with wild abandon" (that's actually a line from the Baroque Beatles Book, only they say "abdomen" instead of "abandon").

We told Grandma stories, and Ned held court, entertaining everyone with his attempts to leave Facebook (there is a video, which I will post when I get home).

We finally gave the restaurant back to the people who run it. Olivia and I came home and the others went to get food staples to bring home. Tom delivered a big container of sandwiches from Laurel's parents, which was nice.

At home, Olivia set to work putting together photo boards of displays of Alice's life. This is "the early years."

Tom and Laurel arrived, with Bri, who had been under the weather with pink eye and an ear infection this week, but who was in fine spirits while here. She obviously just loves her Uncle Ned....was there a better match than an uncle who loves to take pictures and a little girl who loves to have her picture taken?

Everyone else sat around looking through Alice's scrapbooks of her many trips around the world, which her kids had unearthed from her storage unit that afternoon.

Laurel gave Bri a bath before they left to go home.

And finally, Walt, Norm and Alice Nan left to go to the airport to get Kayleen. I plopped down on the couch and was asleep in seconds and didn't wake up until 6 a.m. this morning. Today Kayleen's parents and brother will be arriving. Cousin Gerald and his wife Melissa will be arriving. Jeri and Phil will be arriving.

Most of the decisions have been made finally and there will be more Grandma stories at Tom's tonight and then the big event tomorrow, as Grandma hosts her final party. It's just too bad that as hostess, she won't be able to attend.

The Gathering

We are beginning to gather, preparatory to Alice's funeral on Monday. I was going to ride down with Ned and Marta, but they were going to leave later than I wanted, so I drove the 300 miles by myself.

Lemme tell you, if you want blossoms, drive I-5 to Kettleman City. Orchards from start to finish, as far as the eye can see. Not only lining the highway, but extending off in the distance to the snow capped mountains in the distance.

Nestled in among the orchards were pastures filled with sheep, with lots and lots of "spring lambs" playing with each other and sleeping with their mothers. I was disappointed there was no place to pull over and take a photo.

I did stop at Pea Soup Anderson's, not because I was hungry but because I was feeling sleepy. I wanted coffee, but also got a cup (not a bowl) of their famous split pea soup.

I got here around 5 p.m. and we have spent the evening trying to plan who does what at the church on Monday. As with all of the funerals we have planned, there was a lot of laughter involved (despite the serious look of this photo!)

Ned and Marta should be here around midnight; the cousins are flying in from Maryland, Jeri and Phil are flying in from Boston.

I think Alice would be very pleased at how plans are progressing.

Family

I've been thinking about the Sykes family ever since Alice died. The Sykes family, and families in general. One thing that I always admired so much about the Sykes family is the close bond they had. In all the years that I have been in and around this family, I have never seen them NOT close to each other.

It's something I never had the chance to know. Karen and I were not close growing up. We shared a room, but that's about it. When she got to be an adult and admitted she was a lesbian, it was during an age when there was something shameful about that and so she kept away from the family. It was only the last time I saw her when we had such a good time and I thought maybe we could finally be friends, as adults.

My mother's family was always very close. Even though her older sisters were adults and out of the house before my mother was born (and her oldest sister had a son older than my mother), there was just a real bond among all of them and their parents. Many of the cousins were part of that closeness, but because of my father's contempt for my mother's family, I was not in that inner circle. I listen to Peach and Kathy talking about their childhood memories and those were so far from mine. I didn't know many of my aunts, and none of my uncles, and only came to know them more closely after I had grown up.

So encountering the Sykes family was something I'd always wanted...that closeness. I always explained the closeness as because they were four against the world, after Walt's father died. And they succeeded. All of them.

Through the years, whenever we had a party, you could be certain that a good part of the time would be spent with Alice and her three kids standing in a circle laughing and talking. It wasn't a closed circle, but sometimes it felt that way.

As Alice got older her kids rallied around her. I cannot tell you how many times Walt has flown to Santa Barbara on a moment's notice in the past few years to be there to support his mother. Often he would spend several days just sitting with her, watching her sleep, but it was important that he be there.

Before she moved to Santa Barbara, and after she had to give up driving herself, Walt would include her in things we were doing. This meant he had to drive 40 minutes to get her, 40 minutes back to Davis, then we would do that thing we were going to do, whether it was a show or dinner or whatever, and then he would make the 80 minute round trip all over again to take her home. He never complained.

When she lived in Sacramento, she and Alice Nan, who also lived there at the time, spent a lot of time together. It's interesting that in my entry yesterday I mentioned that Alice Nan was her best friend...and then when I saw the obituary they had written, it also says that Alice Nan was her best friend. It was so true. They shopped together, had lunch together, went places together. They even bought a condo together. Then Alice Nan was transferred to Santa Barbara. A few years later, Alice moved down there as well and Alice Nan went to visit her most days a week. She always saw the best in her mother, always saw signs of good days, of alert days, of growing strength. She brought things to cheer up her room, made her take part in activities, frequently ate dinner with her in the dining room.

Every time she went into hospital, Alice Nan was her champion, the one who took on the nursing staff and made sure that her mother had the treatment she needed. (She was so diligent in making certain her mother was treated right that she got under the skin of one of the hospitals, whose staff ultimately said they would only take Alice as a patient if the family promised to stay away.)

As Alice's world got smaller, Alice Nan was there more often, and several nights a week would be there when she was getting ready to go to sleep. The two of them would say prayers together and it would help Alice calm down and be ready to sleep.

Alice Nan was so fortunate on Alice's last day. The convalescent hospital had been on lock-down for two days because of an infection that was spreading. Another hospital was on lock-down too. They were trying to prevent the infection from getting to all the patients. Alice Nan went to leave some clean clothes at the front desk for her (she took her laundry home to wash for her each week) but the attendant at the desk told her she could go back and see her mother. She sat with her and said prayers, like they always did. When the nurse saw her she told her she would have to leave. It was shortly after that when she received the call about her mother's condition, and then the later call about her death.

There is no need for any of her children to feel any guilt about how they treated their mother. I can't think of anything more that they could have done for her, and they all did it with love and without complaint, even when it involved dropping everything and traveling the length of the state to be with her.

The closeness extended out to their cousins, Ernie and Gerry, each of whom lived with Alice for a time when they were growing up. Gerry now lives in Long Beach, south of Santa Barbara and will be there for the funeral on Monday. Ernie and his family are flying out from Washington, DC to be there for the Mass as well.

The thing that I have said here, time and time again, is that it gives me the greatest pleasure to see that Tom, Ned and Jeri have the same closeness that Walt, Norm and Alice Nan have.

When I watch all of them is when I miss my sister, and I wonder if we really could have finally developed a close relationship, if she had lived.

It makes me feel sad when I hear of families who are estranged and who haven't spoken to each other in years. There is something special about "family." They are the people who know your whole history, the people who will nod knowingly when you talk about the time some uncle did something crazy, or when parents fought, or that silly recipe that your father made that turned out to be inedible. It sounds like a little thing, but the special memories in our lives are made up of "little things" and it's lonely when there is nobody who remembers them with you.

I had a taste of that several years ago. Peach and I hadn't seen each other in literally decades, but she and Bob came to dinner. We spent the evening laughing about silly family things and it was an amazing feeling. She was the only one who came close to knowing the whole of me in a way that nobody other than family could.

I envy what Walt, Norm and Alice Nan have and realize what a wonderful thing Alice did to nurture it.

Alice

Last night Walt had a call from his sister telling him that their mother was being taken to the hospital with breathing problems again. We joked that it would always be breathing problems now. Before she broke her hip a year or so ago she would alternate reasons for hospitalization--once breathing, once for a fall. But since she couldn't walk any more, it would always be breathing problems.

Around 10 his sister called back with the sad news that their mother died before the ambulance got to the convalescent hospital to pick her up.

It's hard to know how to feel about the death a 97 year old woman who could no longer see, could no longer walk, and who lived her life in a bed, always uncomfortable, whether it was being too cold, or being in pain. It's a great loss, but it's also a relief.

After you get the news, the first feeling is the shock. She's actually dead. There have been so many near misses over the past several years. It was inevitable that this call would come, but you're never ready.

The second feeling is frustration that it's too late to call the kids. It was after midnight in Boston, nearly 11 p.m. here, and too late to call Ned, who gets up early for work. Walt's sister would take care of notifying Tom. She also called their brother, and then Walt called him, trying to coordinate when they were going to go to Santa Barbara.

But after that is done, what is there to do? I remember after Paul died. We went to the hospital and then came home and it felt like we should do something, but it was too early to plan a funeral, too late to call everybody, we couldn't sleep. We just sat here looking at each other.

I sent out a couple of notifications by e-mail, but didn't want to say too much until the kids had heard about their grandmother's death (though even at that Jeri and Tom got voice mail messages and Ned got a text...spreading the news in the modern age!). At times like this I need to write, so I'm writing tomorrow's journal entry. It seems like such a little thing, but it's all I can do right now.

Alice was an amazing woman. Raised by an Irish immigrant mother who was employed by the McLean family (he bought the Washington Post in 1905, she owned the Hope Diamond), and she grew up playing with the McLean children, riding on the family yacht while the McLeans entertained the likes of Teddy Roosevelt and Will Rogers. It wasn't until I interviewed her in the 80s that she revealed that information--it was just what normal life was like for her and she didn't think it was anything special. Her children had never heard that story before.

Walt was her oldest child. She met her husband (also Walter, though Walt is not a junior) when she moved to California to begin working for the Soil Conservation Service in Santa Paula. They moved to Berkeley, then to Portland, Oregon, and then moved with their now three children to Hawaii, where Walt lived until he was 15.

Walt's father died shortly after they returned to Berkeley in 1955 and Alice was left with three children to raise on her own. And she did it. I'm a bit fuzzy on her employment history, but I know she moved the family back to Maryland where the kids all went to school and all three graduated from the University of Maryland.

At the time I met her, she was working for the Department of Education (I believe). Walt took me to Washington Meet, His, Mother. Serious stuff. I made a great impression. I'm sure there was much more to the visit, but the only thing that I remember vividly was dropping an entire dozen eggs on the floor of the kitchen. They all broke. I was mortified; Alice was gracious, as she handed me materials with which to clean the mess up!

She moved to California after Walt and I were married, accepting a job in San Francisco as the first female to hold a director-level position with the Department of Education. This assignment found her traveling extensively throughout California, Hawaii and Guam providing funding to public schools charged with educating children of military families.

Eventually Norm and Alice Nan moved out here too. She lived in San Francisco until she moved to a retirement community in Walnut Creek, then to a three-tiered facility in Sacramento, then to Santa Barbara and she lived out her last year or two in a convalescent hospital following the hip fracture. She has not been able to walk since the broken hip.

She traveled the world and saw everything she wanted to see. I remember being so incredibly impressed when she and a traveling companion were on the second voyage of the Orient Express after it re-opened, and she traveled through parts of China that had never seen caucasians before. She washed out her undies in cold water in the hotels where they stayed. I remember being so impressed that she did this at age 72. Somehow now, at age 68 and preparing to make my own trip to China, it doesn't seem quite so extraordinary!

But she rode camels in Egypt, went through the Panama Canal, went around South America, traveled all over Europe, Ireland and the UK. She visited Australia, India, Africa, Russia and Japan. She told her children that they should not be prepared for an inheritance, as she intended to spend it all. We lived all of her trips vicariously and loved hearing about her travels. Alice Nan was sometimes able to travel with her. They were best friends to the end.

She had friends of all ages. Everybody liked Alice and enjoyed spending time with her. She wasn't a soft, huggy person but she was interested in everybody. I remember whenever she met a new grandchild how instead of immediately cuddling him or her, she would hold the baby at arm's length and try to figure out who in the family he or she looked like.

When we got Web-TV for both of the grandmothers, my mother was never interested in searching the web, but Alice would read the Washington Post on line every day and, my favorite story about her (which I've told here before) was hearing her express disappointment because she had decided to try to find out what all this "internet porn" was about so searched out the web site for Bare Naked Ladies and was disappointed to discover it was only a band.

She always came to the kids' performances, when she was able to do so, from the time they were in grammar school up until Lawsuit shows and she was thrilled the night she got carded at a bar in Sacramento (the guy on the door was carding EVERYONE, even the 80 year olds!)

I don't know exactly when her eyesight began to fail, but for the last several years her eyesight has been quite limited, due to macular degeneration. I never could figure out what she could and could not see. I remember trying to show her a picture and printing it very large and very colorful and her saying she couldn't see it at all, but then a few minutes later watching her pick up a short piece of thread off of the kitchen table.

The last time Walt saw her, two weeks ago, she was in the activity room of the convalescent hospital and was batting a ball around with other residents, so she could see well enough to do that.

I'm so glad Walt had a good visit with her then. So often he would fly down to Santa Barbara and spend his whole visit watching her sleep. But this was one of his better visits. Jeri, too, when she was out here at Christmas was able to have a good visit with Alice (see Video). It's like a good bye gift to all of us.

I am glad that she is out of pain, I hope Paul and David were there to greet her when she crossed over and I hope that she once again can see the wonders of whatever is around her.

She was a remarkable woman and she will be missed.

Tilting at Windmills

Well, today certainly had its twists and turns! Kind of like sliding down a corkscrew and wondering who was going to be screwed in the end!

It started out innocently enough. Norm packed up all his stuff and raced out of here by 7:30 so he could get to the hospital in time to talk with their mother's doctor before he got on the road to head home.

Walt and I followed around 10 a.m. When we got to the hospital, we could see that Norm's car was still there. I told Walt I would wait in the lobby and post my journal entry, since I knew the hospital had wi fi and since 3 in that tiny room was very crowded. So I did.

I sat there for about half an hour, posting the journal entry and doing some catch-up on the internet, since I've been without access for two days, and waiting for Norm to come out so I could tell him goodbye before going back to their mother's room.

Pretty soon, it was WALT who came out, not Norm. There was a problem, it seems.

The discharge person said the hospital wanted to discharge Alice, but they didn't know where they were going to send her. Welcome to the wonderful world of insurance! Buena Vista Care Center is a nursing home which is about 2 blocks away from the hospital. Alice has been there several times, but you see she had this terrible daughter. Alice Nan has the misfortune of being a conscientious family member who loves her mother enough to check and make sure she is getting the proper care.

She stops in at the hospital or care center every day, she notices when things aren't right and she tries to make sure they are right. She had the audacity to complain when her mother's clothes were taken away to the laundry before they had been marked when Alice Nan always washes the clothes for her and without a marking, nobody would know whose clothes they were. She made herself a problem by repeatedly asking if they had found the clothes yet (for three days) and then went to the laundry herself and found them right away in the "whose clothes are these?" stack. She complained when her mother sat for 6 days without any rehab, when Blue Cross will only pay for 14 days and will only tack on an additional 7 days if they can show she has made progress. She complained when her mother's oxygen level, which should be at 1/2 was turned up to 2--not once, but twice, which makes her lethargic and unwilling to participate in rehab activities. She complained when her mother's catheter bag overflowed because someone forgot to empty it. She complained when they neglected to have her remove her dentures before going to sleep, only to have them fall out onto the floor during the night, roll under the bed, and chip off a piece of a front tooth.

In short, she's made a real pest of herself. She has the audacity to care. She has the audacity to question. She has the audacity to demand the care that her mother is there to receive.

How dare she?

SO, Buena Vista Care Center has decided to refuse to treat Alice any more. It would be a simple matter to move her from the hospital to Buena Vista, which is next door to her orthopedist's office, and thus very easy for her doctor to follow up on her surgery. But no, she can't go there because Alice Nan cares about her mother too much. The discharge coordinator actually said she thought Buena Vista might consider taking her if the family promised never to visit during her ~6 week stay!

There are several care facilities in Santa Barbara, but Buena Vista is the only one which Blue Cross will cover. Blue Cross's policy is that as long as there is another facility within seventy miles, they will not cover her at a different facility and there are three other centers, each 40-60 miles away from here. This means that her surgeon will not be able to follow up because she has to be transferred by ambulance and the surgeon will not drive 60 miles for a follow up exam. She will also have to have her care transferred from the physician who has been her primary care physician for all the years she has lived in Santa Barbara.

We discussed other options. Paying out of pocket for something in town for the ~6 weeks (or more) that she will need care, even if split three ways would be astronomical.

They discussed sending her back to her own apartment in Assisted Living and hiring a nurse, but there were all sorts of reasons why that wouldn't work, even if we could afford it. The big problem is that Alice has her times when she is lucid and with it, but she has lapses when she's kind of out of it, and if she decides in one of her lapses that she can walk to the bathroom herself (which is how she broke her hip in the first place), it would be worse than it was before.

The whole day was taken up with phone calls and text messages and conferences and all the while the discharge person tapping her pencil on her clipboard asking where she could send Alice because she needed to be discharged today.

Walt and I went to lunch at the hospital cafeteria about 1:30 and I got out my computer to look at the medical options locally. None of them looked good.

In the afternoon, while waiting for calls to be returned (Norm had gone to Buena Vista to talk to the head honcho and they promised to have a "meeting" about the situation and get back to him, but he never did and when we called back late in the afternoon, they said he had left for the day).

While Norm was gone, one of the hospital aids got Alice in a wheelchair and when he returned, we took her outside for a bit.

She seemed to enjoy what little she could see of the outdoors and even comandeered Norm's cap when he finally had to leave.

(see the broken tooth in her denture?)

It was finally apparent that there would be no moving today. Ultimately it seems they have decided to send her north to Lompoc, since the other two centers are full. But Alice Nan will now not be able to stop by during the day, or go to the hospital at bedtime and say prayers with her, which always seems to settle her down.
I decided to stay down here an extra day while we get her moved, but I can't stay longer than that because I have a feature article which is due in a couple of days and I have to finish researching parts of it--and everything I need is at home. Walt may stay down here for a couple of days more. We have no way of knowing if this move will be good or bad. For all we know it will be worse than Buena Vista, but no family member can be there frequently to find out. All we can do is hope. Maybe it will be a lot better.
Walt actually turned to me today and said "I miss Polly." I've just finished reading a book about therapy dogs (and met one in the hospital lobby) and I think that having a warm little body in your lap who only wants to love you would have been great therapy for him.
We finally left the hospital at 5:30 to meet Laurel and Bri at the new house (photos for Jeri)

We went to see the school Bri is going to go to in 3 years...and it's great. Looks like a wonderful school. Bri raced through the playground, climbing things, sliding down big slides, hanging on bars and having a great time. She's fearless. Jeri had dared me to spend time with Bri without my camera, so I left the camera bag in the car. Laurel had not brought one either and both of us were in withdrawal. But it was fun to just play with Brianna, who was a delight.
We ended the day with dinner at Chili's with Laurel and Bri (Tom had flown out to Detroit on business at 5:30 a.m.)

Trying Not to Think of Haiti

As I sat there with Dr. G this afternoon, I told him more than once that I was really trying very hard not to think of the people of Haiti.

It's time for another major overhaul of Dr. G's web site. I cannot tell you how often I've told him I'd rather have someone else do this and that I really don't want to continue to manage his web site, but he has this irritating way of ignoring me and acting as if I've not spoken...and I have this wimpy way of not telling him more forcefully that I really. do. not. want. to. do. this. any. more.

But there I was, notebook in hand, ready to find out what the next thing in the world of gynecology was going to be.

Well, for one thing there is the radiowave frequency wave wrinkle removal system, which is a new procedure which apparently liquifies the collagen in your face and thus smooths out the wrinkles. It has apparently been approved by the FDA for the face, but some doctors are experimentally using it on the neck and Dr. G says that eventually he expects it to be available for the pelvic area. Now aren't you just panting after something that will smooth out those wrinkles in your pelvic area?

(Try not to think of people in Haiti living in the open with no water or food)

And then there is the "vaginal spa" which will include all sorts of things centered on the pelvis from evaluation for pelvic plastic surgery to sex therapists. But the one that got me was that there is a device that can be installed which will emit low grade electric stimuli to the pelvic area and will act as a kind of mechanical Kegel.

C'mon. Are we THAT lazy in this country that we can't do our own Kegels and are willing to pay for a machine to do it for us??

Again, try not to think of children in Haiti who have lost their parents and people who have no homes because they were destroyed in the earthquake.

So I'm going to be doing the web site again. Reluctantly, most reluctantly. I wish I had someone I could suggest to him to take it over, but he'd never find anybody to work as cheaply as I do. He needs to find another semi-talented, self-esteemless person who can't say no to him. I think that will be difficult to find. All I can do is charge him what, to me seems like big bucks, but which big web designers laugh at tell me I'm cheating myself.

---

All the activity in the family seems to be taking place in Santa Barbara this week. First there is Tom and Laurel, who have bought a new house and are in the process of trying to rent their old one (which involves a lot of cleaning up and doing last minute projects).

Then Walt's sister and her husband had a major flood in their house, which ruined the year-old carpet in their bedroom. Right now the water is cut off to the sinks in both bathrooms and she and Joe have moved into a motel. This comes in the middle of tax season, when Joe, a tax attorney, is at his most stressed and Alice Nan is trying to keep things as calm as possible for him.

Then on Friday, around 11 p.m., their mother was rushed to the Emergency Room with a temp of 104. They finally admitted her to Critical Care around 2 a.m., trying to stabilize her blood pressure which they were having a difficult time getting above 70.

Walt got plane tickets the next morning and his brother started driving down there so that they were both there by Friday night. Their mother has stabilized, the fever is gone, her oxygen level is up as is her blood pressure, but they aren't sure what the next step is and are waiting until her regular doctor can see her (an emergency on a Friday guarantees that you won't see your regular doctor until Monday).

In addition to that, Alice Nan, understandably distracted, ran into the back of a truck. Nobody was hurt and the truck had no damage, though Alice Nan's car has been pronounced "totaled."

At this point we don't know when Walt will come home, or how long he will be here before going back to Santa Barbara, since he wants to be there when she gets back to her regular apartment to help her readjust at the beginning.

I have to say that it just warms the cockles of my heart to see how Walt and his siblings take care of their mother. I'm sure it makes her feel good. I hope she realizes that how they care for her shows that she certainly did a good job of raising them to be warm, caring children. I can't begin to count the number of trips Walt has taken to Santa Barbara in the past 3 years, when his mother has had some sort of crisis or other and how good all three of them are with helping to feed her, monitor her nebulizer treatments, and get her to the bathroom or to the dining room, if she's able to eat there. Alice Nan is known as "Dr. Alice" around the place because she stays on top of things and makes sure that her mother gets the care she needs.

But the up-side to all Walt's travel to Santa Barbara is that he racks up mileage that allows him to then fly to Boston to spend time with Jeri, which he loves.

When Fantasy Touches Reality

I'm working on a feature story this week, and actually, off and on since about April this year.

About two years ago, I did a feature on a production taking place at the University, one which for some reason or other I was unable to review, but which was directed by Jade McCutcheon, whom I liked immediately because she was from Australia. She is a fascinating person who seems to have done everything all over the world.

I've kind of kept track of her since that article came out because she had several irons in the fire and I was curious to see which would ultimately be produced.

In April we got together for coffee and "catch up" and she told me about a project she was in the process of writing, which would be produced in October. It's called The Elephants' Graveyard and would center around aging and end of life issues. At the time she was still trying to clarify how the work would ultimately look. She wanted to involve a older woman, preferably 70-80 years old who "wasn't terrified to walk on stage" who would be the center of the piece, but who wouldn't have to actually speak. She would have a "soul" who would be her voice but the action would revolve around her. The character would be named Esme.

When I left her, she was on a hunt for her Esme.

As it turned out, she had better luck than she ever anticipated. She spoke with a group of women, aged 60-80-something and found not one, but 8 different women who were interested in participating in the project, including an Esme who was not only not terrified to be on stage, but who was willing to learn lines. A group of friends for Esme were added to the cast.

In September, I visited the "elders" at their rehearsal space during one of their sessions with the choreographer and found them all delightful women, who were learning how to project the look of the dejected, abandoned older patient in a nursing home. But these women were anything but dejected and they sparkled with delight as they talked with me about their backgrounds and their excitement at being involved with the play (none had any prior acting experience beyond maybe a grammar school or high school production).

I went to a rehearsal of the show a week ago and saw it in bits and pieces, as well as interviewed some of the actors. The young woman who plays Esme's daughter is a professor of acting. Her character is a research scientist working in a corporation called "The Never Die Institute," trying to find ways to prolong life. The character hopes she can find the key to keep her mother alive for many more years, despite the mother's assurance that she's led a full life and is ready to die when her time comes.

It was strange that 66 year old me was talking with this young woman who seemed herself to be excited about the prospect of prolonging life, while I identified more with Esme. Who in the world wants to live to 150...or, for that matter, "never die." There is truly a time to live and a time to die...and besides, I've seen that Star Trek episode, "The Mark of Gideon," where Kirk is brought to a planet so crowded with people there is no room to do anything but walk, shoulder to shoulder...they are hoping that he will introduce a strain of virus to make some of them sick so they can start dying off!

But last night there was even more of a cross-over between fantasy and reality and I actually found myself getting a little teary as I watched the run-through of the play. In one of the early scenes, Esme is in a nursing home and the doctor is trying to get through to her too-busy-to-visit-mom daughter that Mom is "not doing very well."

Just before I left for rehearsal, Walt had a call from his sister. Their mother is back in the hospital with another bout of breathing problems. I don't know if they've diagnosed it as pneumonia this time, but her lungs were working at only 10% capacity. It doesn't seem to be as bad as last time, and she may actually be able to come home in a couple of days and avoid that recovery time in the rest home, which always confuses her so much. Walt's brother is going to Santa Barbara and will be able to stay for a week and then we'll see whether Walt needs to go back again so soon or not.

The parallels between the reality of dealing with Alice in the hospital and dealing with Esme in the nursing home just hit me in a way I hadn't anticipated. Of course, Alice is surrounded by people who love her and visit her often, whether her kids or grandkids (Jeri had some frequent flyer miles to use and flew out from Boston last weekend to spend some time with Grandma), and even her nephew in Long Beach, who comes regularly with his wife to keep her supplied with Sees candy.

Alice's time doesn't seem to be "imminent," but at 95, it's definitely on the horizon. So many of us are dealing with aging parents and after watching the entire rehearsal for The Elephants' Graveyard, I think the audience is going to go home and maybe at least give Mom or Dad a call to see how they're doing.

And Then There Were Four

We arrived home around 7 p.m. tonight, and found four dogs. (Actually, Ashley had sent a text message saying there were 4 dogs now). Since Ashley says that she, too, has four dogs, I am assuming there were 8 here over the weekend. There are no angry messages from neighbors, so I'm sure Ashley kept them all in line.

In addition to our two, there is Barkley, who was here before we left, and the new one, Fozzy.

I don't know how this cute little guy was not adopted on Saturday, but surely he won't take long to find his home.

As for Barkley, neutering him has only made him more amorous. He spent the evening trying to bring a dog bed into my lap so he could hump it. He got a lot of exercise, since as soon as he finally got it into my lap, I would throw it onto the floor again, but he persisted until I finally got up to come here into my office!

We started our day with the daily trip to Maravilla, to say goodbye to Walt's mother. We met her in the dining room, where she was finishing up her breakfast. I noticed how bruised her hand became while she was in the hospital. She has such thin skin that any little thing makes her bruise.

Then we got on the road and turned on the second part of the Michael Connelly book we were listening to on the drive down. I hadn't slept well last night and so I am afraid I missed a lot of the book between Santa Barbara and King City. I kept waking up and listening to snippets of it, and then falling asleep again, but Walt filled me in on what I'd missed when we stopped for an early dinner in King City.

I don't remember when was the first time we stopped at this place. I remember being intrigued by the misspelling on the sign, which sticks up high in the sky, towering over a Motel 6, a Chevron station, and a Taco Bell.

Basically, it's just a coffee (or "coffey"!) shop, but it's really a cut above. The food, while all the usual coffee shop fare, is made fresh and is delicious. I had a Monterey Burger, with Monterey Jack cheese, avocado and bacon. Walt had a chicken crossant sandwich, which was so tall, he could hardly get it in his mouth.

I'm sure they must do a lot of business from the surrounding motels, but I've never been in the place when there were more than two other tables filled. Which always surprises me because it's such a step up from Denny's, for a comparable price.

I'm still not sure what exactly its name is, however...is it Tabacchi's Family Coffey Shoppe or V's Diner?

It's good to be home and know that I won't be spending tomorrow at Maravilla, but we sure had a good time in Santa Barbara this weekend, whether the day we spent at the wedding, or the fun day we had with Brianna. Glad to know that we'll see most of those folks at my mother's 90th birthday party next month!

Happy Hour...with Babies

I had never seen a bar with so many babies in it before.

We had gone to a bar/cafe on the beach in Goleta, meeting Tom, Laurel & Bri and some of their friends, one of whom brought Liam, who is close to Bri's age. I don't ever remember bringing a baby to bar before! But I looked around me and it seemed that every third table had families with babies. Of course this wasn't a bar per se, but a cafe with a bar in the middle.

I loved watching Tom in action, feeding Bri, cutting up bits of food for her to feed herself, grabbing her when she got too excited, wiping her face, etc., all the while keeping up a running conversation with Liam's Dad.

I also loved it that the moms were at one end of the table discussing diapers and baby sun screen and the dads were at the other discussing babies' eating and sleeping habits. This is the group that used to party quite a lot, pre-baby days. Obviously the partying hasn't stopped, just the focus has changed!

We are here in "our" apartment at Maravilla. The idea had been to stay here in one of the two available apartments in the Maravilla complex, which would give us the opportunity to visit Alice and have breakfast with her each morning. Walt's brother and his wife rented the other apartment that is available. Our apartment is lovely.

We have a living room, kitchen, bedroom and bath, a bigger place than Alice's assisted living facility. But there is no internet access...not even a telephone. I was excited about visiting the main building's internet center, which has about 6-8 computers for use by the residents. However, the internet access is slow as molasses. I was finally able to connect to Funny the World's main page, but it took so long to download the photos in yesterday's entry that I knew there was no way I could upload an entry with photos. I will have to post this entry when I can get to Tom's and use his wifi.

Alice kind of confused things by having to be hospitalized with what they thought could be one of a number of things, the worst of which would be colon cancer, but it turned out that it was constipation (the nurse must have told us six times that she passed two baseball size stools after her prep!). Still, it required her to be hospitalized for a day, undergo the prep and sigmoidoscopy, and then spend another night in the hospital.

She has a lovely room, but of course can't see the view (because she's blind) and slept all day anyway. Walt and I sat in her room for five hours waiting to see the doctor (who never came). I did finish one book and half of another, though! It was only 10 minutes before we left to join Tom & Laurel for dinner that I realized that I had wifi in the hospital the whole time!

We sat for part of the time in the waiting room in the area where they were doing her sigmoidoscopy. They ended up taking her back to her room without letting us know they were doing it, so we had to wander around the hospital ourselves trying to get through the maze. In the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit), all the walls on all the halls were covered with tiles of hand prints.

The guard who questioned us about why we were there without any pass for that area told me that these were handprints of all the babies who had been healthy enough to leave the NICU.

We were told the doctor would be in between 8 and 9, so Walt and I rushed back to be at the hospital at 7:45. His brother and his wife arrived around 8:30. At 9, the nurse told us the doctor and come and gone and had left notes on Alice's chart, but nobody apparently ever saw him.

They are going to release her tomorrow morning, which means we have to get her and bring her back here and get her settled in her apartment again before we go off to the wedding. Should make for an interesting day!

The best thing about today was that I called the Yolo County Courthouse to find out about my jury summons and discovered that I do not have to show up on Monday, which means I don't have to drive home alone on Sunday and can drive home with Walt on Monday. I'm all for doing my civic duty...but it's also nice not to have to too!

While the death of a celebrity, especially one who is larger than life, is usually sad, there have only been few whose death has moved me to tears. I cried, of course, when Judy Garland died. I cried when Jim Henson died. I cried when Mister Rogers died. But I can't think of any other deaths that have moved me to tears.

Until today when I heard of Tim Russert's death.

Despite the fact that I am halfway through my 60s, I never really got as involved in news and politics until the last few years, when I became an MSNBC junkie. That spilled over into Face the Nation and Meet the Press, and I became a fan of a lot of the talking heads.

Tim Russert was head and shoulders above the rest. I'd been watching him on The Today Show since long before Katie Couric left. As I recall, he had been her mentor when she was first becoming a news person. There was always a special relationship between the two of them that was apparent as you watched them on the screen. I watched major news figures, sometimes struggling to hold themselves together, Andrea Mitchell with "shining" eyes, babbling on, sometimes incoherently, as people do when they are still stunned at the enormity of the loss they have just suffered, as if to stop speaking was to acknowledge the life that was stilled.

Other commentators struggled between using the present and the past tense. Keith Olberman sat and read tribute after tribute from the high and mighty all over the world. Even those who had been skewered by Russert respected him as a journalist. Obama called him the "standard bearer for serious journalism" and someone who "expressed the core values of this country."

Obviously I never met Russert, but from listening to the outpouring of comments by his colleagues and political figures who had faced him in the hot seat on Meet the Press, it was nice to have my feelings confirmed that he was the real deal, a guy who was passionate about politics, and who was one of the good guys, whom most people seemed to love.

What I liked about him was that he seemed to truly listen, not to start with a point of view he was determined to get the interview subject to finally acknowledge (as MSNBC's Dan Abrams often does).

He just seemed an approachable guy, the guy next door, who seemed to like everyone and who was open conversation. I loved the relationship he had with his father, the camaraderie he had with him, and the reverence that showed when he wrote his book, "Big Russ." It seems that most of his friends who spoke today talked about his love for his son and his love for all kids and his work with low income children to improve their education and chance to attending college.

Perhaps my emotional reaction to Tim Russert's death was brought on by what is going on in our family right now.

Walt spent last week in Boston. Jeri and Phil gave him a ticket to a Red Sox game as a Christmas present and so he flew there last week to spend time with her. They had a fabulous time and he flew home Tuesday night. After he got home, he checked in with his sister and learned that their mother had been hospitalized again. They didn't want to spoil his fun in Boston, so they waited until he got home.

So he was home long enough to wash his clothes, repack his suitcase, and take off for Santa Barbara last night.

It might be easier if there was one big "thing" that we could say sent her to the hospital, but basically she seems to just be fading away. Irregular heartbeat, exhaustion, breathing problems. She apparently is starting to have difficulty swallowing and aspirated something into her lungs as well, which resulted in an infection, so she's back on oxygen again.

She was in the hospital last week, then briefly to the convalescent hospital, and then back again to the hospital, where she is now, in the critical care unit. Walt's brother has been there for several days and now Walt is there too. Walt said this morning that his mother was telling the three of them goodbye, telling them to be good to each other. She told the doctor she wanted no extraordinary measures, but she also told the doctor she wanted to be here for Jeri's wedding at the end of August.

Walt said she is having some hallucinations, which she has had before. It's an emotional time, one of uncertainty. She has weathered crises before and her spirit is strong, but each crisis seems to be a bit worse and leaves her a little weaker.

(On the heels of Russert's death and the situation with Walt's mother, "The Secret Garden," a show about death, grief, and the presence of ghosts was a very strange show to have to review tonight.)

As for my own mother, she had calls from all three of her grandchildren yesterday and, whether that helped change her attitude or whether she's just tired of lying in bed and "taking it," the tone of her voice was completely different today. She was actually going out to her hairdresser to have her hair done. She said she didn't know if she would be able to sit in a chair that long, but she was going to try, even if she had to stand up while her hair dried.

She says that the pain isn't any less, but she's decided she wasn't going to give up on life just because she's in pain and it was time for her to learn how to cope with the pain.

Now this is the mother I've known all these years! Her fight is back and that is a wonderful sign.

It's been a memorable Friday the 13th.

Yes, Sheila, We're really Home

The dogs were ecstatic when we returned home. Sheila immediately ran into my office and then poked her head out as if she couldn't understand why I wasn't already sitting at my computer. When I went outside again to help Walt unload the car, she ran into the living room and when I came into the house, she had this big grin on her face as if to say "Well? Are we going to sleep now?"

But now the car is unloaded, I'm at my desk, Sheila is lying with her head on my foot and all seems to be right with her world. Russell is off at someone else's house, but will be "home" tomorrow sometime.

It was a lovely ride home, past lush green hills thick with mustard, and in spots mixed with carpets of purple lupin. I was sorry there was never a place to get a good photo. We kept my iPod on "shuffle" the whole way. From San Luis Obispo to Davis, we played about 90 songs and one episode of the old The Shadow radio program and perhaps the most jarring juxtaposition was going from K.D. Lange to an aria from the operetta Countess Maritza! But when you have an eclectic collection of music, it's really an experience using the "shuffle" feature!

We left Alice Nan's around 10 or so and went back to Maravilla (the Assisted Living place). We spoke with the gal at the office, who is aware of the camera and knows whom she has to contact, but was unable to reach Brianna before we left, so we have left the retrieval of the camera (if there is going to be a retrieval of the camera) to Alice Nan.

We met Walt's mother in the dining room and chatted with her for awhile.

When you're blind and you are in a busy dining room and don't have a clue where the servers are, this is how you signal for a coffee refill.

Alice Nan and I talked about her mother a lot last night, while Walt was still over there and she and I were home alone. Her world has shrunk so small in the last ten years. This is a woman who has traveled all over the world, who was very active in keeping up with politics and now her world has shrunk to a tiny two room apartment, and her biggest accomplishment in a day is walking to the bathroom (though she needs assistance once she gets there).

She moved into Maravilla at about the time she really become legally blind, and shortly after she began to have physical problems which moved her out of the regular section and into Assisted Living. She can't go out of her apartment without a caregiver, she can't see to use her walker other than from her recliner in front of the TV to the bathroom and back. She can't see anybody, so she isn't able to make friends and it seems that her only social contact are the caregivers (who all seem to be quite friendly, but who all have several clients under their care, so social interaction is very brief).

She has had skin problems for years and itches all the time. She is on oxygen almost 24/7. She gets nebulizer treatments four times a day, where medicated steam is pushed through a mask she wears for 15 minutes a treatment. It has helped keep her from lung problems. She has always been quite tremulous (her hands shake badly--Paul had the same condition), but now it's much, much worse. It's painful to watch her feed herself, though she also wants to be as independent as possible, so we don't help her unless she asks for help.

But it just seems such a sad way to end an active, productive life. The best thing is that she is where she is, so close to Alice Nan, who can pop over to visit or to have a meal or to make sure that everything is being taken care of, though I know it can't be easy being essentially the sole family caregiver (though Walt and his brother get down as often as they can).

* * *

It seems that in our absence, our television decided to die. Ashley left a note saying that as of Sunday, she could only get sound, but no picture. We have been having some picture problems with it for some time, and I don't think it's anything that Ashley might have done; I think its time has just come, so we may be at Costco tomorrow looking at new televisions. I guess it's time to bite the bullet and get an HD, though we do not have any place to put one of those ginormous televisions and would be just as happy with a new 36" screen like the one we have now. We recorded lots of stuff in our absence and won't be able to see any of it unless we get a new TV!

Now it's time to post this and get into the living room to catch up on sleep. Sheila can hardly wait!

Our Little Angel

Brianna was nestled on my shoulder, her head under my chin. I was patting her on the butt with one hand and rubbing her back with the other and murmuring "Sweet baby...sweet baby" over and over again.

Then I laughed, as I realized that I was talking to her exactly the way I talk to all the puppies that I cuddle.

Yes, we have met our granddaughter.

(There is actually a better picture of me with her, but it's in Laurel's camera and I have to get a copy from her)

We stopped at a restaurant and picked up lunch for the four of us, so Tom and Laurel wouldn't feel pressured to fix us something and unfortunately we arrived at the house a bit early. Tom was in the middle of a business call and changing Bri (our son has mastered the art of multi-tasking!). But eventually Brianna was dressed and Laurel handed her off to me.

Honestly, I was not prepared for my reaction. I looked down at that beautiful little face (of course she's the most beautiful baby in the world--all you people who thought your grandchildren held that title are mistaken!) and my eyes welled with tears and I had to keep my head down looking at her so nobody would realize I was so emotional about finally meeting this sweet little baby.

So many emotions that I can't even put into words. So beautiful to watch Tom and Laurel with her. Tom. Our second youngest son. A Daddy. In my mind's eye he's still that little toddler with the football under his arm, running into the house to jump into my lap for a quick cuddle. Now he's a Daddy.

So sad that David and Paul aren't here to see this new little life coming into the family. How excited they would have been, especially David.

We eventually went into the brand new kitchen and all sat down at the brand new table for lunch.

(The table just arrived yesterday; the kitchen remodel was only finished just before Brianna was born.)

Laurel's father arrived, so we took a "grandpas" picture

(look at the size of Brianna compared to Tom's hand)

(I am assuming that at some point there will also be a "grandmas picture," but Laurel's mother [who has been there almost every day], was not there when we were.)

After lunch there was more baby cuddling and then Brianna was starting to get hungry, and Laurel looked very tired, so we told them goodbye and left. We are going to go for a walk tomorrow, and let Brianna meet one of her great grandmothers.

We spent the afternoon at Walt's mother's place, getting her set up with a new remote control for her TV, which will be easier for her to use since the buttons are easier to feel, and she can't see them), and then we had dinner with her in the dining room.

Now there's an experience. It's actually quite an elegant place, for an assisted living facility.

But it is assisted living, so you get your share of...shall we say "eccentrics" ? There is Sneezing Guy who sneezes long, loud, and constantly. I had encountered him last time, so I wasn't as surprised this time, but you swear he's about to die from his sneezing attacks. They say he's always like that.

In what is set off almost like a private room were six very proper, very elegant looking ladies, with perfectly coiffed hair, beautifully manicured nails, and a certain air of dignity about them. They reminded me of my grandmother's sewing club years and years ago, except they all seemed to wear the ubiquitous jewelry--a call button on a cord around their necks!. Walt said it looked like a meeting of the Mafia, so we started referring to them as The Mafia Wives.

Then there was lima bean guy (in the wheelchair, above) who swore that his "ham hocks and lima beans" only came with 3 lima beans and that he loves lima beans and had been shortchanged. He told everyone over and over again about how he had only gotten 3 lima beans. The waiter brought him a bowl of lima beans and he was temporarily happy.

In the meantime, we had ordered our dinner--scallops and shrimp in mornay sauce for Walt and me and chicken for Walt's mother. (I will say that the food in this joint is excellent and our seafood tonight was about the best dinner I'd had there--and more than I could eat; I gave Walt one of my scallops). Since Alice is blind, there is a standing order to cut her meat, and they forgot to do it, so they took it back to the kitchen to cut. We could have cut it in a few seconds, but it must have taken then 10 minutes to return the chicken.

In the meantime Sneezing Guy had left and Lima Bean guy, having finished his bowl of beans, also left, but was brought back because he hadn't had his dessert. When he got back to the table, he started complaining again about how he had been shortchanged on the lima beans and how he really loved lima beans.

We finished our meal and took Alice back to her room, where we would watch Jeopardy and wait until Alice Nan got there, as she had been working late. When she arrived, we all put our feet up and relaxed until it was time to leave.

Tomorrow we'll have another session with Brianna and her "TuTu" (Hawaiian for "grandmother") will finally get to meet her.

I'm going to sleep tonight feeling very full indeed -- not only of scallops and shrimp, but of emotion about this beautiful little girl who is now part of our family.

A Restful Day

Tom called Walt in the middle of the afternoon.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Well, I'm shopping at Home Depot and your mother is at Borders," Walt replied. Tom laughed. It was so "us"!

It was good to sleep in this morning. From my spot on the couch in the parlor, I was "aware" of movement in the house, but had no idea that three people had gotten up, showered, dressed, eaten breakfast, and headed off to work/school.

It was 7:15, with sun streaming in the window, before I finally sat up to check the time. How lovely! I had an hour on the computer while Walt woke up and did his wrist exercises before the day actually started.

We had kind of a quiet morning around the house, since we were the only ones here. I wanted to help clean up from the party, but Alice Nan had said to leave it all and when I started to think about where to put stuff, I realized that was probably safest. I know how frustrating it is for me when people help and then it's weeks before I can find stuff I use all the time!

Around 11 a.m., we were finally packed into the car and we drove over to the assisted living facility where Walt's mother lives. She had just come back from a late breakfast and was in that post-prandial lethargic mode. We sat and talked with her, snoozed with her, and just kept her company until about 2 p.m. when her nebulizer treatment was finished. Then we left her to nap some more and we went off in search of a light lunch--and some shopping.

While he wasn't exactly shopping yet, Walt wanted to check out mats for the treadmill, which is scheduled to be delivered on March 17. The delivery people had told me that we could pick up a hard rubber mat at Home Depot and Walt wanted to know if he was going to have to rent a truck to transport it from Woodland back to Davis again (apparently not).

I decided I really was not needed to go shopping for hard rubber mats (especially if we were not going to actually BUY one now!), so I went off to Borders to check out books. I was curious to see if "Schuyler's Monster" was on the shelves. When I was there 2 weeks ago, it had been delivered, but had not made it to the shelves yet. They had a grand total of ONE copy. But the copy isn't there, so either (a) they never got it, (b) they still haven't put it on the shelf, or (I hope) (c) someone has bought it.

My friend Diane had recently told me about a woman who writes mysteries that feature dogs. Kind of the canine equivalent of "The Cat Who..." books, I assumed. I had purchased one of the books and had it with me, but it was back at Alice Nan's house. In the meantime I had finished the book I was reading, "Saving Sprite" (I will be writing a review about it later. I didn't think much of it. Ashley, if you want it, let me know and I'll give it to you.).

Anyway, faced with returning to Walt's mom's place for more napping, I wanted another book to read, so tried to find this author. I couldn't remember her name and was hoping some titles would leap out at me. I started at the "Z" end of the Borders Mystery section and naturally, her name starts with a "B" -- Laurien Berenson. But I bought another of her books, "Dog Eat Dog," and started reading that in the Borders cafe, with my bottle of sparking water, waiting for Walt to return from his mat-hunt.

Then back to Maravilla for more napping and finally, when Alice Nan arrived from her trip to L.A. for the day, we all went to the dining room for dinner.

This place really is lovely, if you have to be in assisted living. Everything just feels plush, the attenndants really seem to attend and the dining room is like going to a nice restaurant every night. There are tables for 4 or 6 people, all with cloth table cloths, good tableware, flowers, and attentive servers, who have been trained in how to serve. The room is dominated by a huge fireplace and big windows look out onto the courtyard.

Oh, it's not the Ritz, but so much better than other places she could have been. And the food is creative and doesn't all taste like it came from the grammar school steam table. I had almond encrusted breast of chicken with mango chutney; Alice Nan had vegetarian cabbage rolls and Walt had a shrimp louis salad. All was very tasty (Walt's mother had the same dinner I did).

When we finished dinner, we took her back to her room and left her to watch "Jeopardy" with Alice Nan while we went and checked the progress that has been made on Tom & Laurel's house. The kitchen, which was down to the studs, with only a concrete floor, when I saw it two weeks ago, now looks like a real kitchen--or it would if all the living room furniture weren't piled in it (they installed new carpet in the living room today). I am so incredibly impressed with the work Tom has done in the house. Like the work that Ned has done on the room they added to their house, it just boggles my mind that my children have all these amazing talents. It must be a throw-back to a former generation!

Laurel gave me a tour of the baby's closet, where everything is organized and color-coordinated and made easy so that if Tom dresses his daughter, he can find coordinated clothes. The thought did cross my mind that I wondered how long this organization and coordination was actually going to last but then, knowing Laurel, I suspect a very long time.

I gave Tom my guesses on the birthing pool. I'm guessing March 24 and that the baby will be 7 lbs 2 oz and 20 inches long. Coincidentally, March 24 is the date Laurel has picked too. She's very definitely hoping she doesn't match Walt's mother's prediction, April 8!

So our day was pretty low key, but it seems like we did good stuff and it was fun to see the nursery all painted. I told Tom that the next time I see him, he'll be a Daddy! Now that feels strange!

We head back home again tomorrow (and then I have one day at home before a much anticipated, much needed Cousins Day!). This has been a very short, but very nice trip.