A Strange December

To regular readers, this is something of an introductory entry for those from Holidailies who may be new to this journal and unfamiliar with my history this past month, which is why I explain so much that regular readers already know.

The opening paragraph of last year's December 1 read, it's time to find a new Christmas wallpaper, design a Christmas logo, sign up for Holidailies, and write our Christmas letter (to be linked once the family has approved it). I also reviewed my last Christmas show tonight (most of the beloved Christmas classics start in November, so by the first week in December, I've seen them all and I'm free and clear until the next year.)

Except for designing the Christmas look and signing up for Holidailies, I have done none of my usual December preparations. I haven't even reviewed Christmas shows because I'm some 1500 miles away from the nearest theater where I review.

I will be leaving Iowa tomorrow.  I have been here for the better part of a month, helping where I can, while my cousin starts chemotherapy for breast cancer that was diagnosed two months ago.  I am glad I have been here as she went through highs and lows, and the body indignities that one must go through to battle this horrible disease. I am sad that I will be leaving while the bulk of her treatment is still ahead of her.  But it's time to go home.  My California family is missing me...and I am missing them.

I feel like I have been here for a big chunk of the Tucker-Caine family history. I have seen Peach suffer through the first round of chemotherapy. I have helped with her husband Bob, still recovering with from his massive stroke two years ago.

When I got here, son-in-law Tom was looking for work and today he starts his new job.  When I got here grandson Matthew and Miranda were engaged and planning their first big family dinner. Then the engagement was off.  And then the break-up was resolved and the dinner took place as originally scheduled.

And can you not be a part of someone's family history if you have shared one of those Big Holiday Dinners with them?

Even the dogs have welcomed me into the family and Sophie jumps on me to lick my face right after she has been outside peeing in the snow first thing in the morning.  It's a mixed blessing!  I'm wondering how many days it will take Lizzie to stop smelling all the dog smells on me when I get home...and will Polly know I've been unfaithful to her with not one, but four different dogs?

December is supposed to be a season of joy and love and while there is love aplenty, who likes to start the month preparing for a funeral?  The memorial service for our friend Mike, who died unexpectedly in Germany in October, will take place just two days after Christmas.  When I get home, instead of looking for Christmas decorations, I will be looking through old scrapbooks finding photos for the slide show to be shown at his memorial.  Since we were friends for more than 50 years there should be a wealth of material from which to choose, and myriad emotions to go through while making the selection.

I am still sad that I was not able to be with Mike's family when Char's sister's memorial took place (she died in San Francisco the day before Mike) while I was here in Iowa.

Unlike most years, there is not a lot of holly in my heart as I enter this holiday season.  Still trying to figure out how to write a Christmas letter when so much of my attention is focused on Peach and her cancer, my mother and her dementia, and Mike's family as they prepare for his memorial.

But this is the season for love and family and if nothing else, there is love and family aplenty and I wish my arms were long enough to wrap Peach's family along with my own family in them.

This is also World AIDS day, so let those arms be just a little big bigger so I can add Steve Schalchlin and Michael Sugar in them too.