One of my favorite quotes, at times like this, comes from
Gone with the Wind, and it's when Miss Melanie tells Scarlett, "The
happiest times are when babies come."
Gabe, the son of our beloved dog sitter and good friend
Ashley and her husband Dave arrived yesterday. At 10 lbs, he's a real
hunk. He reminds me of David, who was just slightly under 10 lbs and
happened to be in the nursery with preemies, so when they wheeled him out so
we could see him (there was no viewing window....they brought the babies to
the door of the nursery, two at a time) he always looked like a behemoth
compared to the wimps that were wheeled out with him.
Ashley has not had the best pregnancy in the world, and
Gabe's delivery was long and difficult...and he had to spend a day in the
NICU, but he's all fine now and they have gone home to start their new life
together as a family.
I told Ashley that with all the problems over the last nine
months, I wish for Gabe to be a good baby. "I hope you have a Jeri and
not a Paul," I told her! I know the reality of both. Ned, Tom
and David were normal babies, and not as quiet as Jeri or as difficult as
Paul. It's time Ashley gets to enjoy the fruits of her labor!
Things have not been smooth sailing at Atria this weeks.
My mother's had another couple of her spells where she doesn't know where
she is or who she is or who anybody else is. It scares her and she
just wants to sit in a chair, shake, and wait for it to pass. She
doesn't want to leave her room because she's afraid she'll do something
wrong, or that she will get lost.
She has cleared all of the shoes and other things out
of the floor of her closet, but now doesn't recognize them and is waiting
for someone to come and take them away. When I offered to take the mountain
of shoes home with me, she was vehement that she had to "go through them
first." It was a rerun of trying to get her out of her home in Terra Linda 3
years ago;
And then there were The Keys. She lost her keys.
She didn't know she had lost them because she doesn't know what they
are or what she needs them for, but I knew she couldn't go to meals without
them. I tore that apartment apart, looked in her purse, in the
refrigerator, in the linen closet (all places where I have found them
before)
It caused her great frustration because she didn't know what
I was looking for When I asked her if they were in her pockets she
lifted the hem of her slacks to check. She ended up with her head in
her hands saying "I don't even understand what you are saying!"
I tried asking her if she knew what a key was, and she did not. When I left
her, she was sitting in her chair with her head in her hands and I felt
terrible. I feel so helpless when she gets like this because it's a
real emotional pain for her, but there doesn't seem to be anything that can
be done to help her.
After I returned home, I texted her stepson (who is in
Alaska right now) and he said that the last time she lost her keys when he
was there, he found them inside the grandmother clock. I was hopeful
when I went back that evening, certain that I would find them when I
returned for dinner (she was so upset, I decided I needed to go with her to
dinner).
When I returned 2 hours later, she was fine and didn't
remember anything about the keys...or, in fact, that I had been there
earlier. The keys were not in the clock. After dinner I
ended up leaving my keys for her, telling her over and over
again to please remember to leave them on the counter, where they
usually are. I knew, of course, she would forget that as soon as I
finished saying it...but it's something like $40 to get a new set of keys
because they are special electronic keys.
I stopped at the front desk when I left to find out how much
it would cost to get a replacement set of keys and the girl at the desk told
me that she had my mother's keys there. Apparently she had left them
in the dining room (I don't know how she got back into her apartment that
day!)
On thinking this all over, I decided it's time to go with
Assisted Living. I don't have a clue when or if she is eating, and if
she's not eating, that could affect her mental condition. I just can't
eat every meal with her, and if she has someone from Atria to check on her a
few times a day and make sure she gets to meals, maybe having a regular
schedule will work better.
She always says she isn't feeling well when I arrive but if
we go and do something, like having a meal (because that's about all I can
get her to do), she opens up and is better by the time we get back home
again, probably a combination of doing something and getting some
nutrition in her. She can't seem to process the information that her
feelings might have something to do with not having anything to eat or any
water to drink (yeah...try to get her to drink more than a sip of water!)
I have a request in for another meeting with the resident
services director to see about setting up assisted living (she won't be in
until tomorrow). I took her laundry home to wash and made plans to
return in the morning to see how she was today (she usually is fine for
awhile after one of these spells)
Today I went back for lunch, after last night's dinner.
She was up and looking fresh and well. She did mention that she wasn't
feeling well, but then Ned knocked on the door and suddenly she felt just
fine and poured on the charm because she had a man to fawn over
(she's such a slut. LOL!) Ned is just so wonderful with her and
I love watching how he visits with her.
To top things off, we had lunch with Loretta, her best
friends who she doesn't realize is her best friend (and who doesn't realize
my mother is her best friend). The two of them have been at
about the same level of dementia for three years, and are deteriorating at
about the same rate. But they love to tease each other and often their
conversations don't make any sense at all, but they laugh a lot with each
other. I told Ned the only thing better than having lunch with Loretta
is having lunch with Loretta when both of them have glasses of wine, which
add a whole new layer of silliness.
I will probably take tomorrow off because I have things to
do around here (unless the resident director can meet with me tomorrow), but
will go back in two days to see how she is then.
I wish I could talk all of this over with her. I miss my mother.
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