Trivialities

I don't know which is more difficult -- knowing, or not knowing.

Since Mike was taken to the hospital, we've been trying to figure out what they were testing him for, what his condition was.  Char was hampered being in a hotel with no wifi in the rooms, and having to use the computer in the lobby, which was a German keyboard and German instructions.  So we weren't getting the whole picture.

Yesterday, Walt and I went to spend the day with his daughter, Jenny (closest to Jeri in age) because being together was better than being apart.  We were also able to share what information we had each been given.   Jenny's four siblings were on a plane to Germany. She was home with her two girls (one of whom was sick), as her husband was out of town when this all happened.

Jenny went off to work before we got there because she couldn't stand being at home alone and needed the distraction.  Walt and I settled in, Walt on the couch with Niki, the dog, and me at the dining room  table fielding e-mails.

When Jenny got home, we sat and talked over pizza for a very long time.  We compared notes and neither of us had a clear picture of what was going on.   We knew that Char's grandsons, Cody and Casey, who were already in Germany attending a semester at a university there, were headed to Magdeburg to be with Char and that Jenny's brothers and sisters would be arriving there probably in the afternoon, flying first to Berlin and then taking a train to Magdeburg.  

Finally the first message came from Casey that they had arrived at the hotel at 2 a.m. and Char said she would see them at breakfast.  Walt and I stayed until nearly 11, hoping for more news, but finally came home.  When I got home there was a message from Char which had probably arrived about 10 minutes after we left Jenny's house.  But it was just letting us know that the boys had arrived, the others would get there later and that she was still having trouble with the German computers.  She also let us know if we wanted to stay down to be with Jenny, we could use their house.

In the morning we finally got a definitive diagnosis.  Char's son wrote that Mike is on a ventilator and non-responsive and that they found cancer in his liver, pancreas, stomach, and lungs.  How in God's name the Kaiser physician he has been seeing for months missed this I don't have a clue, but I expect there are going to be angry confrontations when the family returns home.  Everyone has been so frustrated with Mike's complaints for the past six months or so and he has had tests and exams and everything, his doctor says, is "OK."  That's why they felt it was fine to take this trip.

There is a weird comfort in reading the words and knowing that there is not going to be any sort of a miracle to pull him out of this, but Walt and I are walking around here today feeling like zombies with lead weights on our feet.  We hug a lot.  Walt is dealing with Viking and all that is involved with maybe getting some of our money back from the trip we aren't taking. I'm back to fielding e-mails and trying to answer questions.  It's all I can really do at a distance.

I've logged into Facebook, but somehow political squabbles, animal videos, and what everyone had for lunch or dinner (I am guilty of sharing all of these things) just seem so trivial, as we sit here wondering how much longer our friend is going to live.

Sometimes life really sucks.  And other times it sucks even more.