Wednesday, December 3, 2008

A Global Alphabetical Apology

OK--I lied. Actually, I was mistaken. Cousins Day is tomorrow, not today. Which is nice because I didn't get to sleep until 4 a.m. last night (partially because I was getting stuff ready for Cousins day. Doh!), so I was able to take a 3 hour nap today!

As we look toward the end of another year, it's a good time to make ammends for things that I did and things that I might have done. I kind of liked this idea which I read by Schmutzie a year ago.

I hereby apologize....

...to the Davis Arboretum. You just sit there looking beautiful year round and I almost never pay any attention to you.

...to my Bicycle, which has been sitting unused for lo these many years. I should give it away or sell it or something, but hope springs eternal.

...to Christmas letter haters. I've written my latest Christmas epistle and though a link will be mailed to many of you privately, there is also a link in the left column, for those who want to relive all the stuff you've read all year long here anyway, with most of the same photos.

...to all the Domestic chores that sit undone while I do thinks like sitting at the computer trying to make an alphabet list of things to apologize to/for.

...to all the E-mail that I deleted without ever reading, especially from those lonely ladies who want to send me their photos.

...to all the Facebook apps that I have "ignored." I apologize, but I'm not sorry--and I'll probably continue doing it in the new year.

...to all the computer Games that I gave up on without really trying.

...to my Hair. God gave me such great Hair and I don't really do all that I probably could do with it, if I learned how...not likely after all these years.

...to Itsy bitsy spiders everywhere. You should be eensy weency ones.

...to Jacques Tati, for never really "getting" your movies. Walt loves them. I can take them or leave them.

...to Karaoke for being much too inhibited to even try.

...to Lipstick Jungle for being happy to see it canceled. I was having a difficult time keeping up and was happy to be able to stop recording.

...to real Maple syrup, which is never quite as fabulous as I think it should be.

...to all the Nigerian potentates whose offers of wealth beyond my wildest dreams I declined.

...to most Operas. I know I should love opera, but I don't like (most) opera. And I'm very, very sorry.

...to all the Puppy Paws that I have accidentally stepped on over the years. I still cringe when I hear the yelps.

...to Queues. I hate standing in line and calling them "queues" doesn't make it any easier or more enjoyable.

...to Recitative. I might actually like Mozart operas more without all the damn recitative.

...to Sarah Palin, for being so vocal about my disgust with your selection as potential vice president.

...to Tangelos. Grapefruit is good, tangerines are good. Put them together, not so good.

...to Umbrellas. I know you are wonderful implements, but I like the feeling of rain on my head and I'm sorry I never use you. (see apology to my bike and apology to my hair)

...to Vacuum cleaners. I have never owned a vacuum cleaner that I didn't break...and I don't know why.

...to King Wenceslaus. I'm sorry, but someone wrote a really dumb Christmas song about you!

...to Xanadu. Not even Gene Kelly could prevent it from becoming a real clunker of a movie.

...to all of You, who read through all of this silly entry hoping it would get better!

...to all the Zzzzzzs I ignored as I sat up night after night playing on the computer.

2 comments:

Elan Morgan said...

I'd nearly forgotten about this one. It's quite the undertaking. Good job!

Anonymous said...

It's an isty bitsy spider for cripes sake. I ignore all Facebook apps too. And, you really need a Dyson vaccuum, they are invincible AND they suck up all the dog hair that is lying around that you cannot see.