The Empty Vessel

As I was going to sleep last night, I was thinking that somewhere I had read a poem...or
something...about an "empty vessel," as a symbol of a feeling of emptiness.  Of course I couldn't
check it out because you need a COMPUTER to check Google and, once again, I was without a
computer.  (checking today, it apparently is used in a religious connotation, which is not the way I meant it!)

It was that kind of a day and by mid-afternoon I was feeling like an empty vessel and just...nothing.

So the day started, as it usually does, with my going to the computer to check e-mail, but I saw a
message on my screen that I had been logged out of whatever page I had been on when I went to
sleep the previous night. I didn't think much about it until I went to my F drive to get a file and
discovered that the computer did not recognize the F drive.  This is what happened when it didn't
recognize the E drive and Steve (the guru) told me the drive was toast.

I groaned bigly [sic] but was SO glad that if I had now lost ALL of my files, I had thought to copy the most important ones onto a flash drive the day before.  All that "I am hating my life" work was not for naught.

I took out the flash drive and plugged it in, but the computer didn't recognize IT either.  What was going on here?  Naturally it was a holiday and Steve was not at work.

I checked and the computer didn't see my iPhone either.  And it told me I was not connected to the internet, but I was because all of my other devices were using the local connection.

So I gave up on the computer before I ruined anything else, and I went to the iPad.  But iPad was
giving me problems too.  Mostly, all of the passwords that it has been keeping in memory for me were gone. Whenever I went on to ANY page, I had to re-enter the password, which was very annoying.

The topper was when I went to take a big swig out of the glass of water that I always have next to
me and discovered 2 flies swimming in it.

The main thing I had to do yesterday was write the Octoroon review for the Davis paper and I finally realized that what my computer had become was a glorified word processor and I could at least WRITE it and PRINT it and take the printed copy to the paper. Before I did that, I did a test print to make sure the printer was working, and it wasn't.  The computer didn't know I had a printer, so I decided that it was definitely the COMPUTER that was the problem, not the external hard drive(s) ... at least I hope that is what I am going to find.

That was when I began to feel like an empty vessel.  I felt like my mother knowing there was something I was supposed to do, but not knowing what.  Only I knew what I was supposed to do and couldn't do it.  Any of it.

It's hard to explain how I felt.  It wasn't even upset at losing every file that I had (including every photo). All my special photos are also on Facebook.  I care less and less about a lot of other things I have stored because if I really need some of them, I can find those on the Internet.  But it was just like someone had reached in and ripped out my guts.  I felt like one of those demented people wandering the halls of Atria looking so lost.

Maybe the main problem was realizing that my mother turns 98 in 2 days.  That's a part of it.

I didn't even plug in the laptop.  I just didn't care.

(fortunately there was a 48 hour M*A*S*H marathon and I just sat and stared at it, though I didn't really pay attention to most of it.

But by this morning, I was starting to come back to life again.  I'm waiting for a call from Steve and have once again set up my faux office on the dining room table--this time with a big fan blowing cool air on my face, which helps an incredible amount.

And I'm OK for whatever "the duration" is.  I have work-arounds and I know how to use them. Especially a work-around for Funny the World, which is the thing that starts to fill my vessel up again.

So, who knows how long I'll be using Airy P, but I HAVE Airy P, at least!