I chatted for a long time with a fascinating guy at the book store
today. He was in Berkeley in the 60s and we reminisced about things like the Free
Speech Movement (I told him about how I gave "the most dangerous man in America"
(Mario Savio) the key to a physics lab), we remembered People's Park, talked about the
businesses that are no longer on Telegraph Avenue, and the ones that still are. He
told me about "the cat lady" who used to write poetry in a cafe. People
would give her food. She is memorialized in People's Park and on the mural adjacent
to it...and is now a recognized poet with several books to her credit (he didn't remember
her name).
We talked about San Francisco. He must be a newcomer because he
asked me if I remembered "The Sheraton Palace" on Market St. Heck, I'm so
old I remember being irate when The Palace Hotel added "Sheraton" to
its name!
Anyway, chatting with him reminded me of conversations Jeri and I had
when she was here, and we talked about various things that we remembered from various eras
of our lives. I realized then, and again, talking to the gentleman this afternoon,
that I really have had kind of an amazing life. It can be easily broken up
into eras. Most of the things I was involved with lasted about 10 years, some more,
some less (and many overlapping), but there are very definite eras when I was fully
involved in something that I am no longer involved with at all.
In the early 1960s it was the University and all that entailed.
I was in school for a year and a half and worked there for four years. I was
there for all the stuff surrounding the Free Speech Movement (and filmed a lot of it, from
the student union balcony). The Free Speech Movement, which fought for the right of
students to set up information tables on campus, led to the fight against the war in
Vietnam and so much more to follow.
During that time, starting from before Walt and I were married, I was
sponsoring a little girl in Korea through Foster Parents Plan, Park Hyun Joo, so
sponsoring kids around the world has lasted a long time, though with big gaps here and
there). I remember when I organized a birthday party for her, baked a fruit cake
with "Happy Birthday" written in Korean (I found a Korean student to write it
for me) and then sent her presents, pictures of her party, and the cake.
By the time of People's Park, Jeri had been born and I stopped
working to stay at home with her. I got involved with La Leche League at that time
and for some 7-8 years after. I was very involved, leading meetings helping women to
successfully breastfeed. When we moved to Davis, I started the group here. I
was the newsletter editor for California/Hawaii/Alaska. The end of my relationship with
the group was unpleasant and I cut off all ties with LLL, but I have fond memories of
those years.
My fondest memories include helping a mother who was going to adopt a
newborn to bring in her milk and help her successfully breastfeed her daughter. And after
request from my obstetrician, I was involved donating milk (and organizing a group of
other nursing mothers to donate milk) for a baby with malabsorption syndrome, who could
not tolerate anything but a breast milk cocktail and his mother had chosen not to nurse.
Two of my least favorite moments as a La Leche League leader
were being on the phone (I was the advice person and had a special phone in our house for
people to call with problems) when a husband and wife, each on an extension in their home,
argued about her nursing. He felt her breasts were his and resented the baby sucking
on them. I can't remember how that resolved itself. I also remember the woman
who called at 2 a.m., a nervous older single mom with a newborn who wanted to ask me--in
the middle of the night--if her son had been fussy because she ate rutabagas for dinner.
I haven't been able to look at a rutabaga since!
Of course there was the Pinata Group, which started in Berkeley and
continues to this day. Five families who did a lot together when the kids were
young. Now spread out, and some of them no longer with us, but nonetheless a very special
part of our lives.
After we moved to Davis and the kids were in school, I took a night
job (which makes as much sense as moving 80 miles away and then getting a volunteer job in
San Francisco) working for a free liberal newspaper. I learned about how to set up pages
and I was their entertainment editor (which meant that I was in charge of the calendar of
coming events), The paper went belly up, the editor owed me money, and he gave me his
electric typewriter in payment. He didn't have a CLUE how much use that wonderful
machine would get in the succeeding years!
In the late 1976, a woman named Alison put out a notice asking for
volunteers to help with writing a history of the Lamplighters. Talk about your life
changing overnight. It was active involvement with the Lamplighters from 1976 until about
1987, when the second book was published. It included working on both books, going
to work for the Lamplighters (I did the smart thing--moved 80 miles away and then got a
volunteer job in San Francisco!) I worked in the office, learned how to use the
computer, which was brand new then, started the company newsletter with the Music Director
Gilbert Russak, who became my best friend, and co-wrote several original shows with him.
When the book that chronicled the achievements he made the last 10 years of his
life was published, I stopped working at the Lamplighters, though we still go to shows and
have many very good friends in the company.
In 1977 I helped organize the Sunshine Children's Theater, the group
that set the course for all of our children for years to come. It seemed we spent most of
our time at the theater (especially the kids). At the same time I was publicity
coordinator for just about every theater group in town and Walt took on the task of set
builder for the Davis Comic Opera Company and a few other groups.
Somewhere in there I also had a couple of jobs for the paper I am now
theater critic for. I wrote a school news column weekly and I even got talked into
writing a Mental Health column, which actually was mostly like the soul-searching entries
in Funnythe World over the years. I never felt comfortable writing that column. Talk
about pretending to know what I was talking about!
I was also typing at home in my spare time, theses for students and
medical transcription for The Psychiatrist, the Psychologist, and later for Dr. G.
There were times when I would work all day, come home and type all night, maybe decorate a
cake while I was typing, and then Walt would have to keep poking me at shows to keep me
awake. I'm sure glad THOSE years are gone! I think the last thesis I
typed was for a guy who, after I had typed 100 pages, decided he didn't like the typeface
and wanted me to go back and remove every letter "g" and replace it with a
different typeface.
Overlapping all this were the "foreign student years."
Starting in 1981 with our first exchange student, Eduardo from Brasil, and
continuing for 10 or 11 years, we hosted 70 students from 14 different countries.
Sometimes we had 3 students here at the same time. We stayed in touch with many of them
after they left, but nowadays, there are only six that I still hear from, all from Brasil
(including Eduardo, who writes about once a year) I was also the coordinator for all
the foreign students who came into California, finding towns to take them. In that
capacity I had a few nice trips at the company's expense, to meet with other leaders
around the country. Two trips to Vermont, one in the fall, stand out as really
exceptional.
Those were also the "diving team years" when we drove all 5
kids around to diving meets around No. California. They never did competitive swimming.
Diving was easier for parents. Just show up at the appointed time, dive your
event, and go home again. Walt and I both learned how to score dives ... sort of ...
and spent lots and lots of hours sitting pool side watching bouncing bodies in practice.
I also loved getting up on Sunday mornings, helping David fold his
newspapers (the San Francisco Chronicle and the Davis Enterprise) and
then drive him around to deliver the papers because they were too heavy for him to carry
in his newspaper bag. I still remember the house where he used to jump over a tree
that was newly planted. As he grew, so did the tree and I wondered when he would no
longer be able to jump it. He stopped delivering papers before that...and then they
cut the tree down, so I can't even remember where the house was now.
Also in that time I took lessons in cake decorating and set up a
business in my home. At that time the only cake decorating place in town was Lucky's
grocery store and people liked my cakes better, so I did a good business. Now, I
shudder to think how many health regulations I violated, but I was totally clueless then
(like I was when I was doing child care until the city found out and said I needed a
license and, with 5 kids of my own, I could only take one other child--I was taking care
of 7 extras!). When the first bakery opened in town, I was its first cake decorator
(where I could operate legally!) until they could get a "real" cake decorator.
I also took Chinese cooking lessons from Martin Yan and became a
pretty good Chinese cook. The height of my accomplishment was cooking a 7-course
dinner for some friends in a teeny kitchen with the only counter space about 12"
square. Thank God for Tupperware!
I don't think I was a Girl Scout leader (I can't remember if Jeri did
a year of Girl Scouts or not), but I was a Boy Scout leader in the years before they
started the ridiculous ban on membership by gay kids and gay leaders. I'm glad that I
predated that nonsense. I also worked with 4-H and remember teaching classes on cake
decorating. One of the girls in that class tells me she still decorates cakes.
The most memorable session was when I taught the girls how to make sugar eggs.
I think we were sweeping up sugar for years after that day!
In about 1986 we began the Lawsuit Years, following the band around
to seedy nightclubs around California and watching their popularity grow. It's
strange when the best place to meet your kids is in a dark bar. But we loved those
years and I miss them. I am, however, grateful to sound guy Jon Lee who always had
earplugs for us!
David died in May of 1996 and Lawsuit ended on New Year's Eve,
1996-7. The two weren't really connected, but it kind of started a period of sort-of
non-involvement. I had a computer by then and was involved on line, mostly with
Compuserve groups and some of my best new long-lasting friendships were made on line.
I was involved peripherally for several years in the fight for
Marriage Equality. I wanted Ellen and Shelly to be able to marry--and they finally
did, after 30 years. I baked them not one, but two wedding cakes. The last one
"took," I think, and they have been married about 5 years now. They
continue the fight to bring marriage equality to all states, but once they married, I kind
of backed off.
After Dave died I volunteered for about a year in a homeless shelter
(men only) and then started doing all the SPCA stuff, hosting I don't know how many dogs
over about 4 years. I loved those years and I miss having puppies around and even
meeting new dogs, but I don't want to do it again. I've become too complacent and
our dogs are too set in their ways, as am I. Walt and I have been talking about how
good the dogs really are and how predictable. They can be a pain at times, but
really they are very good dogs.
I don't have any of those in depth activities any more. There's
the book store, the Compassion kids, going to all those shows to review, and trying to
find the right book club -- and taking care of my mother, of course, but nothing on the
scale of what I did when I was younger. But then I don't have the energy I had when
I was younger either. Funny how life takes care of those things for you!
My mother was telling me today that when I get to be her age I'll
realize that you just don't care about things the way you used to. I already know
that and suppose it will just get worse the older I get.
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