Decisions, Decisions

I have to admit that these days I am reluctant to travel far from home.  Every time I visit my mother it makes me uncomfortable to think of leaving her alone.  I worried when we were in Europe last year and I know that I will be even more nervous about leaving her when we go off to Ukraine this year.

This morning was a good example.  When Peach and I were there for Cousins Day, there was a big brouhaha over pills.  She needed a refill of her prescription(s), so I called the Kaiser pharmacy for her.  Only the pharmacy said that they couldn't refill them until mid-April.  I put in a call to her doctor's office to ask the nurse to have the doctor refill the prescriptions.  She pointed out that the prescription had just been re-filled in February and that she should still have plenty of pills left, but that she would talk with the doctor.

After I hung up, I looked at the pill bottles more closely and realized that this was a refill I had made for her in October.  She does not remember getting pills in February (though she told me at the time that she did get them, but of course does not remember now).  I called the doctor's office back to let them know that she wasn't taking too many pills, but that the February prescription had disappeared.

The office didn't call back while I was there.  I had left a message to have them call me here because I knew there was no way my mother would be able to explain the problem, mostly because she didn't even understand it.

Well, this morning I talked with her to find out how she was doing and then she called me back to ask again about her pills.  I reminded her that I was waiting for a call from the doctor's office and asked if she had heard anything.  She said she had not.

I called the office again and shortly after her doctor called.  Turns out she had spoken with my mother on Friday AND this morning and my mother had told her that I was out of town and couldn't talk with her until I got back!

The doctor and I talked a lot and both agreed that she needs to be somewhere where someone knows about her and can, if necessary, check on her daily (which will happen since she will be eating at least 2 and possibly 3 meals a day in the dining room).

She doesn't know it yet, but I put a downpayment on an apartment at Springfield for her.  They only have 3 available now and two of them are out of her price range.  Scott is going to come next week to her house and we will have a chat.   I've asked her step-son to come too, so he can get his own questions answered.  

I'll let my mother know then that I've already paid the downpayment for her.

I'm also hoping that family will come around and take whatever things of hers they would like to have.  I'd like her to get the sense that we really are moving her out, slowly.  She says she's ready and if she sees people taking the things she wants to get rid of, it may help. I think her main problem with just packing up "all this crap" is that she really wants people to enjoy her things, not just cart it all off to the Hospice thrift shop where she used to work.

This is so hard.  I want her to be as independent as she can be, but I also want her to be safe.  And I also feel like I'm doing this alone.   With Peach leaving the state and my sister dead, it seems as if it's just me making the decisions and every step I make I wonder if this or that decision is the right one. I frequently get angry with my sister for up and dying on me back in 1971.

Walt's mother was so good.  She moved into Independent Living long before she really needed it.  She made a life for herself that accommodated her move to Assisted Living.  There were decisions to be made, but the biggie, the first move itself, was one she took when she was about our age, a widow living alone who found a community of friends in a new living environment.  My mother has held on until I don't know when to let her make the decision and when to make it for her, because she has her good days and her bad days...and her days when I'm not sure if it is a good day or a bad day!

Once we finally get her settled, I think it's time Walt and I start doing the same thing, and clearing out "all this crap" before we end up in my mother's situation and our kids have to be in my position.