Another Exercise in Self-Loathing

I'm going to have to give up traveling.

The trip is now about a week away and I'm starting to think about what to pack. I had to throw away one of my four pairs of black sweat pants because the dog claws (particularly puppy claws and those "play tug of war" games that always took place around my ankles) had turned the lower part of my legs into Swiss cheese and there were even holes up around my hips.

But I hate clothes shopping because it's always such an incredibly demoralizing activity.

We went off to our China class today and on the way home, I asked Walt to stop at the outlet mall in Vacaville. It's a huge mall with dozens of clothing stores and, to the best of my knowledge ONE (count 'em) fat ladies' store.

Walt wanted to buy a pair of pants too, so he dropped me off at the fat lady store and went off on his own frustrating quest (his problem is not weight, but height, and it's difficult to find pants short enough for him in a grown ups store, or things in a teen age boys' store that will accommodate his middle-age spread).

I went in and loved the things I saw. The nice bright prints, the coordinated outfits, etc.

I went to the first rack and pulled out the largest size pants they had. They kinda almost, just barely fit, but I could tell that the first time I sat down, I would pop buttons. It has been years since I wore anything that didn't have an elasticized waist.

(that's another problem. The four pairs of pants I wear all the time are starting to fray along the elastic)

I decided that for the price, it would be a bad investment, so I went and got another pair of black pants in the same size. These would barely come up past my knees, and definitely wouldn't come CLOSE to covering my butt.

I searched all the racks looking for anything elasticized. Heck, I'd even take plaid or polka dots at that point. But there was NOTHING with an elastic waist band. The only fat lady store and you had to have skinny fat ladies to wear the clothes.

I was close to tears and did the only logical thing...went outside, bought some chocolate and sat on a bench waiting for Walt to come and pick me up.

There is one more fat lady store in Sacramento that I know of which sometimes has clothes that fit me (I bought one pair of pants there for the Russia trip), and I may drive in and see if I can get something else, but I'm thinking that I may just go with what I have--3 pairs of sweat pants with puppy teeth holes, one pair of velveteen "good" pants that I bought about 15 years ago and some t-shirts. I won't look good, but at least it won't cost me money for clothes that I hate wearing any way.

But there is nothing more demoralizing than looking around a huge fat ladies' store and realizing that there is nothing there that will fit you.

On the other side of the mall, Walt was having his own problems, but he did find a pair of pants to fit him. He says he thinks he bought the last pair in the store that were his size.