Where No Man Has Gone Before

OK--I'm tired of politics. Let's talk about something else.

I've said before that the first thing I do on the internet each morning, after reading e-mail, is to log onto "That's My Answer." just a fun site with some questions to answer each day. Usually about four of them, sometimes thought provoking, usually silly.

The other day, the question was titled "Everything but the kitchen sink" and read, "In my purse I always have my digital camera, the front of the car stereo, my wallet and checkbook, paracetemol or aspirin, keys to the school and my car keys, lipstick, body spray, mobile phone, spare contact lenses & a hairbrush. So, tell us, what’s in your handbag? Is yours minimalist or is there everything BUT the kitchen sink?"

Obviously I have one of those bags which holds everything but the kitchen sink, but I thought it might be interesting to actually do an archaeological dig through the 15-20 lb bag (depending on how many books and how many cameras are in it) and see what actually IS in my purse at the moment.

I don't know how long I've had this bag, but this is the same bag I had when Peggy was here in 2000...and it was old then. I only have one bag, unlike women who routinely change their bags with the season or the outfit or on a whim. I have cleaned this bag out in the recent past, but things tend to accumulate very quickly, so this will be a voyage of discovery as I go through it (I might actually clean it out at the same time).

Starting with that zippered pouch that you see there, it contains a metal Altoids box which contains my Moo cards, my digital voice recorder, the key to a room at a Quality Inn somewhere, some magnets from Jeri & Phil's wedding, an unwrapped cough drop, covered with purse fuzz, and a magnifier/light that I bought recently which allows me to read programs in the theatre in the dark.

The key has now been thrown out, magnets moved to my desk, everything else returned to the pocket (including the cough drop--you can always suck the fuzz off a cough drop if you're desperate). Now we go to the other pocket in back of the zippered pouch. That contains a business card from Jacqueline's High Tea (where we went one Cousins Day), an appointment card for my dental appointment last February, another Jeri/Phil magnet, an empty zip lock bag which I put my iPod ear phones in when I'm not using them at my desk, the petals of a flower, now very, very dead; and three twist ties that you use to close packages of bulk grains in the store and write the bin number on them. I don't know why I saved these. Except for the magnet and the zip lock bag, everything has now gone into the garbage.

Other pocket on the other side of the purse: All that's in there is a handkerchief which used to belong to my friend Gilbert, who died in 1986. The handkerchief also needs washing...euwww.

Now to the main section of the purse:There is, of course, my wallet (which Peggy bought me for Christmas in 2000), two sets of keys, my cell phone, my iPod, the Flip video camera, the regular digital camera, my sunglasses, a leather business card holder which has business cards I made back in the days when I was doing publicity for Steve and thought I should look professional. There's a teeny, tiny Tupperware container that contains earplugs (from the days when we went to rock shows) and a leather credit card holder (for all the cards that won't fit into my wallet--which is really silly, given that I only ever use about 3 credit cards)

Then for the "junk" - an envelope of photos of Brianna that were supposed to go into an album for my mother--but these are the leftovers. An envelope with check stubs from my Enterprise paychecks. It also has Nancy's phone number on it--but I don't know which Nancy. There are promo folders from Office Max, the Davis Food Co-op and the Post Office, a receipt from Walgreens for the SD card I had to buy in San Francisco when I took the women from Australia on a tour of the City. and an assortment of deposit slips from my bank.

There's a book of "fall savings" coupons from the strip mall where Petco is. We get these every change of season, I always put them in my purse and I never remember to use any of them.

There's a brochure from the Mendocino Botanical gardens, which I visited when we scattered Michele's ashes a couple of months ago; a reminder card about the bone density exam I had last month (my bones are fine, thankyew). a status report from Kaiser letting me know which tests are due and when, and an invitation to the SPCA Halloween costume contest next week. (Since I'm not a "dress your pet up" person, I won't be going.)

There's a bottle of Biotene mouth wash which my hygienist wants me to rinse with at night to prevent overnight dry mouth, and which I forgot about until this very minute. And there's a toothbrush in a holder, cause you never know when you'll need one.

There's a hand washing thingy from Joe's Crab shack, still in its original wrapper, but it feels like it's dry now. A brush, nail clippers, remnants of many of what were once kleenex tissues, a little book of photos of Bri, several pens which are ALWAYS at the bottom of the purse, and which I can never find.

There's a babyfood jar filled with Tums,, because it's more convenient than a big bottle of Tums. (The babyfood jar is from the days when I had to encourage pupppies to eat by giving them baby beef.)

There's a duplicate Costco card, a coffee flavored lip gloss that I bought at Peet's and have never used, a whole bunch of theatre tickets from shows dating back several months, and two plastic forks.

What is missing is a book to read and the only reason I don't have one of those is that I haven't started a new book since this eye thing began. but once I can read easily again there will be at least one, if not two, books in there.

And there you have it: why my purse weighs 20 lbs!