Saving the Alligators

Clearly, I know nothing about fashion. I just found out that this ugly, utilitarian bag

is the famous "Hermes Kelly bag," which retails for over $30,000, if you can get on the waiting list to have an opportunity to buy one. (Apparently each bag takes two alligators to make.) I'm not going to fork over $30,000 for a too-small, ugly bag that costs more than my first house! Even if Grace Kelly did make it famous!

I do need a new bag, though. I have one of those ergonomic bags that is shaped like a kidney and is supposed to improve your posture or something like that. I've had the bag for probably more than 20 years (it's my second one, so I've probably had this type of bag for most of my married life). It had a rubber pad on the shoulder when I bought it, which is supposed to keep it from slipping off my shoulder, but the pad came off about 10 years ago and I've been just repositioning the bag on my shoulder every few minutes ever since then.

When I was at the doctor's recently, I plopped the bag down on the scale just out of curiosity. It weighed 15 lbs. And that was without the two cameras, camera bag, and iPod that are usually in it.

My mother has a "purse wardrobe," a bag to match every outfit. That sort of mentality does not compute. It's like having a "shoe wardrobe." I wear Birkinstocks in the summer and loafers in the winter and sometimes mix them up, but that's about it. I've hated shoes since I was a kid (my mother reminds me) and see nothing fun about shoe shopping or changing shoes every time I change my t-shirt.

There was a time when I thought that a back-pack kind of bag might be more comfortable to wear, so I went out and bought a nice looking back pack. Then I discovered that when you look like one of the hippos in Fantasia you just look ridiculous with a little purse-like back pack perched between your shoulder blades. Marta has the same bag and it looks great on her. Owell. I am not built for fashion.

Periodically, I am intrigued by the Buxton organizer, which I see advertised on TV. It promises to turn all the junk in my purse into something as organized as a file cabinet, with a space for everything and everything in its space. (I have't seen the "used tissue" pocket, but I'm sure it's there.) They say you can find things with your eyes closed, because you know where each section is.

The thing that gets me about their ad is that they promise to turn all of the "heavy clutter" into an organized, easy-to-carry bag. They dump everything out of a bag that looks embarrassingly like mine and presto-chango, you have this nice slim, easy-to-carry bag that presumably weighs less that the whole of its parts.

How do you take exactly the same amount of stuff and make it weigh lighter just by putting it in a bag in a more organized fashion? That's the thing that keeps me from shelling out $15 (plus postage) for the Buxton organizer.

When I look at the photo, it certainly doesn't look like there would be pockets for two cameras and/or an iPod. So I'll probably, sooner or later, go back to getting another ugly kidney-shaped ergonomic bag.

It would be nice to have a small bag ... or no bag ... to carry, but I can't seem to get away from these humongous things. I seem to need to carry half of the things I own, and at least one or maybe two books, in case I finish the first book during the five minutes I'm standing in line at the supermarket. It's hard enough to find one model of bag to bond with, much less shop for a "purse wardrobe."

But I think that I'll pass on the Kelly bag this year. I hope the alligators are grateful.